I have a co-worker who is a tom-boy etc. and is very into sports etc. My husband met my co-worker through me and now they have become friends. She calls him and wants to hang out etc. but she rarely calls me anymore. I told my husband a few weeks ago that this bothered me and he said there was nothing to worry about so I let it go. Well this weekend, my husband was going out w/ the guys for a guy night. I stayed home b/c I'm 7 weeks pregnant. One of my friends was in the bar where he was and told me that he had seen my husband out twice with the same girl and was wondering if everything was ok. I asked what the girl looked like and sure enough it was my coworker. My husband hadn't told me. I asked my husband and he got mad at me saying I was overeacting and needed to calm down. I called my coworker to let her know how it made me feel uncomfortable. My husband still sees nothing wrong with it and thinks she's one of the guys. Am I overeacting? I think she's overstepping her boundaries.
2007-10-04 00:12:00 · 16 answers · asked by primaldestiny2 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have to agree with you. She is overstepping her bounderies, and your husband is being cruel to downplay the effect his friendship with her is having on you, whether it's innocent or not.
There are lots of things going on with your situation. I can see how it might be tempting to confront her and tell her to stay away from your husband, but I would be weary of going that route. I say this, because for starters, the main part of the problem lies with your husband, not so much with her. Secondly, you're seven weeks pregnant, and you don't need the stress of that sort of confrontation, and the type of fallout that could come with it at work and at home. Plus somebody has to maintain some class and dignity, and it doesn't sound like it's going to be either of them.
As for your husband, he really needs a good talking to. He's being cruel, careless, and disrespecful to you to name a few. You're pregnant, and he's running around being buddy-buddy with another woman.
So try (again) to talk to him, and if won't listen (again), tell him you want counseling for your marraige, because you obviously lack the communication skills needed to explain to him how what he's doing is bothering you. If he won't go with you, then you should still consider going and talking to someone yourself.
Whatever you do, don't buy into his line that she's one of the guys. That is all besides the point. The fact is that it's bothering you, and your security and comfort is more important than "one of the guys", and that should be his focus, not telling you to calm down.
Good luck with this situation, and I wish you the best with your pregnancy. I'm serious, go talk to someone... stress can really compound, especially when you're pregnant...
2007-10-04 01:01:38 · answer #1 · answered by blujello 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Every time a man says "Oh, you're over reacting" well, you'd better watch out. He may have not done anything yet, but it's going in that direction. Your friend isn't what I'd call a friend. I wouldn't go hang out with my friends husband, tomboy or not. If you don't put a stop to it now, you're headed for trouble. A man will refuse the advances of a woman just for so long. It all starts out innosence, but you are letting this woman have what she's after, time with your husband. Don't give her the opportunity to have that time. An innosence drink at a bar, need a ride home, come in for a nightcap, ETC!!!!!!! Fight for what's your's, don't just sit there!!!!
2007-10-04 00:27:41 · answer #2 · answered by Needtoknow 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are correct, she is overstepping her boundaries. It sounds as though you have been very nice about all of it so far, but I don't think I would be any longer. Your spouse needs to see the light. It don't matter she is a butch...she is still a female and HELL NO...I wouldn't tolerate my man doing it to me either. Try convincing him again and talk to her again and tell her to back off. You don't like it. I wonder why she didn't choose to be your friend instead?? The fact that he hid the meeting from you is something else, I would not appreciate that one little bit. Do what you have to do to make it stop...and if he doesn't see anything wrong with it, there is something wrong with him.
2007-10-04 00:20:14 · answer #3 · answered by lucylocket7258 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yeah I think she's overstepping her boundaries too! I would have a serious sit down and explain exactly how much this has upset you n see if you can come to some sort of agreement. I would also give her a call n tell her to back off, but not in a too nasty way coz if you have to work with her then things might get a bit awkward.
2007-10-04 00:18:20 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Well:
A. There really is nothing wrong with it. She IS just one of the guys and it is hard for an outdoorsy woman to find guys who will accept her. She's probably been a little lonely. So I believe it is okay.
B. He feels, SHE feels, the whole crew is now feeling that you are overreacting. But it is your right. You are pregnant.
C. Are you sure you aren't a touch jealous? Because you hate to go to those places with his buddies and she likes to.
D. I think it is time to start a "date night" again. Pick a night (Friday, Saturday, Sunday) when only the two of you can go out to the movies, then have a fine, sit-down dinner at a quiet restaurant, go home, put on some nice music, maybe both shower or sit in the tub if it will hold you both, soaping each other up, then dim the lights and.....go to bed. (ahem)
Next date night out you buy whipped cream to play with in the tub. Or bed.....
Next date night out you buy grapes to eat once you reach the bedroom.
Next date night out might be chocolate syrup night with a double shower AFTERWARD. (Remember to put down a few old towels!)
Caramel syrup sounds good to me to. Maybe whipped marshmallows.
==============================
There, see? That wasn't so hard! Depending on if you want a date night every week or every other week, you're set for quite awhile!
2007-10-04 00:34:13 · answer #5 · answered by Tina Goody-Two-Shoes 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
she is totally overstepping, marriage counselor, show your bloke just how much this worries you, ok hes probably gonna say your paranoid, and you do get a little paranoid when pregnant, but this isnt just you, he lied to you, lieing is not helping, maybe if he said im going for some drinks with co worker would you like to come to (cos you can go out you know, iv seen heavily pregnant women out, on juice or coka cola of course). now if he said that and you were worrying a lot maybe then that would be paranoia.
next time he says hes of out drinking ask if you can come to you need a change of scene.
2007-10-04 00:17:56 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
No, you are not overreacting. First of all, he lied to you when he said it was a guys night. Second of all...even if she is a "tom-boy", she is still a woman, and it is totally inappropriate. She is NOT "one of the guys". I am a "tom-boy", but also very heterosexual. I enjoy fishing, NASCAR, hunting, hiking, camping and drinking beer. Again...I am very heterosexual. You are correct, she is overstepping her boundaries. Although I have several of the same hobbies as many males, I only participate in these hobbies with my husband, father, or brothers.
2007-10-04 00:59:20 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no doubt in my mind that something is wrong here. I was married to a man in our late teens....we fell in love in high school, he was probably one of the better looking men I have ever seen...(I mention this because it is important here) I was a very pretty young lady....I was pregnant and didn't want to go out so much any more....he joined a bowling league with work and came home very late several times from this. The last time he went bowling on this league he called me at 4:00 am saying he was in the emergency room with a friend who had fallen and split their chin open, he was waiting for them to get stitches and then he would come home. The following weekend we went to a formal dinner for his work, a dykish (for lack of a better word) girl sat across from us at our table, she was about 30 pounds over weight, had very dark short coarse hair, no makeup and was just down right ugly to me...however she had a bandage on her chin. Asked her what happened and she told me......that was who he was cheating on me with.....very tom boy and I was shocked, hurt and to this day I can't believe it. Be careful.....they (husbands) can shock you.
2007-10-04 00:27:55 · answer #8 · answered by Rein 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is out of line. Obviously she's not YOUR friend anymore but his, and the probability that's its something more is also there. The issue here is more that he didn't mention he was seeing her. If its no big deal, then why didn't he tell you in the first place?
HE is the one acting suspicious and you're already unsettled about this.
I agree with the others who suggested marriage counseling.
2007-10-04 02:58:57 · answer #9 · answered by Frootbat31 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i would be cautious about the co worker and i would be upset too thats how things start in a relationship and i would ask the next time if you could tag along and see what he says and if he gets upset about it or mad then you know something is going on that shouldnt be good luck
2007-10-04 00:21:50 · answer #10 · answered by lil momma 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋