Is it a usual thing?

Question

I have been married for 4 yrs. I am 32 . I suffered a lot in these 4 yrs becoz of my husband. his drinking habit, telling lies on money,matters being jobless. I am earning, taking money from my A/c without my knowledge we separated for two times becoz of his these types of activities. Two months back we were living separately and now we have started living together. he is being given treatment for his drinking habit. he is in a job with a reasonable salary etc. we do not have children that too becoz of his drinking habit becoz of these bitter experiences I really do not have either any good impression on him or affection for him. Even while having sex with him I really do not show much interest and he says I do not have any feelings. How any woman can have feelings with such a man. All the trust everything is lost becoz before he fooled me by pretending that he is no more in the drinking habit and pledged jewels etc without my knowledge. really this has created an aversion in my mind

I really do not want to live with him it is only becoz of my family I am with him today. I am in love with another person now he is also married. I feel If I have some diversion I will not rake up the past and quarrel with him again. I do not hold any sentimental value for marriage due to these reasons . I feel there is no meaning in marriage. So now I have chosen of my own way of happiness. I think I am not wrong and now a days a woman who is financially independent would not have been ready enough to live with such a person again unlike me and any other woman (educated and independent ) woman would do in my place.

and I really do not mind cheating on him. when I do not have any affection for him why shud I be bothered at all. I really do not respect him then what respect will I give for the knot he has tied. I think I am justified.

this relationship is for name sake for me so that on this basis I can have relationship with somebody tho secretly even if I happened to have a child thro other person there will be no doubt

Answer 1

You married a person whom you never loved. The fact he drinks & you don't like his habit is not the only reason why you don't like him, but the very fact you never loved him you don't like his drinking habit. I'm not professing about his habit but just telling you a fact. Most of the ladies who go for arranged marriage without meeting or knowing the man & his habits are facing such post marital problem. The ladies who go in for love marriage too are too much blind in love that they ignore the habits of their man. There exist the communication gap between the couples before as well after marriage & they are unable to express their feelings openly to each other before they tie the nuptial knot & once they are legally married & their honeymoon period is over the reality about each other becomes the reason for marital disputes. The young couples find all sort of short comes in each other whether it concern their past lives, drinking or smoking habits, their flirting nature etc. I mention these three specifically as there are two more questions asked in this forum regarding these by different people. One asks if she should tell her husband regarding her previous sexual encounters before her marriage, where as the other one is concerned about her husband’s flirting nature. You have even stated that you don't mind getting involved with some one other then your husband & even get pregnant by him. You are not the only first one whom I reply but few months back a similar question was asked where this lady was having extra-marital sexual relationship with her boyfriend although both were married & with proper family. She even sent me direct email & told that the mere reason for her doing so was just for the sake of sexual satisfaction with this other man & they both enjoyed their company but did not want to break their individual family because of their affairs hence they did all this during their office hours. Apart from all these people who ask question here I know few more people who are involved in all such extra-marital sexual encounters. Mind you its not only men but even women indulging in all such activities. The sanctity of marriage has just gone with the wind; rather the marriage certificate is nothing more then a piece of paper to be used for legal purpose as & when required. People here who come & talk about honesty in marriage life are doing so for just showing their good selves to others, they try tell how much faithful they have been & cheating your spouse is a biggest crime. I do agree with them but the person who is asking or telling them about his or her extra-marital sexual relationship is hardly bothered. He or she already knows he or she is doing wrong, but just for the sake of asking & getting some sort of sympathy from the reader of their problem & reason for his or her indulging in such affairs he or she ask such question. If you don't like you husband & you are involved with some other man or may get involved in future then do it its your life, simply by saying your husband has a bad habit you are doing it or would do it is no reason, the real reason is that you never loved your husband & you are not satisfied with him, rest of the issues are irrelevant here.

Answer 2

Get rid of him. He is wasting your life. Before you get too old you should get rid of him and get on with your life. You have wasted four years with a no good man who is ruining your life.You are luckly you dont have children or else they too will suffer.Why are you having sex with him, say no to sex. You are not bound to have anything to do with him. He is using and abusing you and your body and mind and your money.I dont know why women get married and have to pay such a heavy price and sacrifice their life and freedom in the name of so called marriage. People all over the world are suffering after thery get married.File for divorce if he wont go away. You have no children, you can even leave the state and go to some other state without his knowledge. Get away from him he is a creep.

Answer 3

Its like you're in Britney Spears's case when she was married, without the children. I think you should get a divorce. It isn't good to stick to someone useless.

And why did you let him become so brazen. You should make it clear to him in the first place that whatever he earns in yours and whatever you earn is yours as well. You should have been very strict with him in the first place.

But now its too late I guess. I reccomend seeing a solicitor about this, and to see if you can get alimony. I seriously hope your life improves, and remember, be strong no matter what! Wish you all the best, good luck!!!

Answer 4

Once ended cannot be mended so better divorce. It is good to see your happiness and comfort in place of your family. It is you who is spending time and everything so your family has nothing to do with it. It is far better to end up and start a new life rather than cheating and getting into unwanted problems. Divorce will be more decent and good for you and family than keeping relationship with someone secretly. Now it is you who has to decide. It is not too late now so be quick before it becomes late.

Answer 5

No.It is not a usual affair with other couples.The very foundation of a happy married life rests on the foundation of openness,mutual trust and truth. Before you take any serious decision,you may wait for some time because he may reform since he is now earning himself.

Answer 6

I think so you should kick this man out of your life and start a new life. Why are you giving that loser pleasure of sex and living on your money? Its he who should be earning it, not you. Belive me, you will be able to find a better person as a husband if you want to marry again.

Answer 7

What about the vows YOU made on your wedding day? Have some respect for yourself. If this isn't the man you want to spend your life with (and by your post it appears not) why cheat on the vows and make yourself look like the town tramp? Dump his sorry *** and get on with your life.

Answer 8

You simply fell out of love with him and you cannot stay in a marriage if you don't love you're spouse.

So you have to file for divorce and stay the hell away from the man that's married!

Answer 9

trust issues - you should be able to trust ur girl and she should trust you from the way u asked ur question, it looks like u havent asked out the girl yet....if you're not going out with her yet, don't worry about what makes a couple break up! focus on getting to know her and building a relationship with her. the first couple of months are the best! as for asking her out - take her out to dinner or to do something that you guys have in common, and at the end of the night, hold her hand, tell her you want to ask her something and just ask :)

Answer 10

It is rather unsual but im sure most of understand your problem .BUT I think you should divorce him AND forget about the married man and find someone else . 2 wroungs dont make a right ... good luck