I am married and have a neighbor who is very attentive to me. Calls a lot, comes over for various things. Brings me food, he loves to cook, etc. Buys me things sometimes when he goes shopping, cause he says he "thought" about me. He isn't married, but engaged. I have also noticed he puts my husband down a lot, and the other day my husband made a comment that my "boyfriend"called, meaning the neighbor. This bothered me because ive never thought about him that way. Is my husband just seeing something i am not?
2007-10-03 16:31:58 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yes i am concerned about this mans behavior, yes i know how to cook, yes OF COURSE i defend my husband, and no i dont respect him more than my husband of 14 years! thats why i asked about this behavior. Ps. I am also friends w/his fiance.
2007-10-03 17:17:46 · update #1
Well, it sounds like your husband has most definitely picked up on the way your neighbor flirts with you. I think that "you" most definitely have good intentions and have no desire to be anything more than friends...I trust you on that. However, "he" is not acting like a normal friendly neighbor. He is acting like he is courting you when you think about it...calling you a lot, bringing you food, buying you things...now that especially sounds odd to me. I think that you are well intentioned, but that you simply aren't seeing the signs. Maybe you just don't want to believe it if he is the fiance of one of your other friends...it's hard to rock the boat. I think that in your shoes, I would start setting some boundaries. Your husband sounds like he is getting a little annoyed by this guy. I think it would be helpful for you to talk to your husband about this because he needs to know that you are not liking what is going on either, and he can probably help set the boundaries. First, you need to communicate to the guy that you are feeling uncomfortable with the way he has been acting by buying you gifts, etc. If he doesn't respect what you say and start backing off, maybe you could arrange for your husband to answer each time the guy calls( assuming you have caller ID), and if your husband is gone, just don't answer for awhile. I wonder if his fiance knows he is buying you things? Most definitely you need to find some way to put an end to this. Can you imagine how uncomfortable you would feel if your husband was buying your neighbor things? I say that not at all to make you feel bad..simply helping you to see it turned around. Hope this all helps. Good luck to you.
2007-10-03 17:47:30 · answer #1 · answered by ShineOn 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Guy's point of view - I think he is hitting on you. One of the techniques that guys use on woman is that they put down their man. This starts the woman to see negatives about her man and then soon they start arguing, which when is not handled right could lead to other things such as not understanding each other and ultimately hurting the relationship.
I would suggest you to be watchful of this guy. If you are committed to your husband, then try to avoid your neighbour in a smooth way. You can start by discrediting his offfers to you, such as if he brings food - Discredit it by saying that you do not like it or that you are not having an apetite for it, etc.
Do not show any interest in him. If you run into him, leave right away by saying "I'm sorry but I have to run".
Screen your calls. When he calls, do not pick up or pick up and hang up in a minute by saying "Oh I'm sorry, I'm in the middle of doing something, can I call you back?" and never return the call. If he asks why you did not call, just tell him that you got caught up in things and it slipped your mind.
He will soon realize that you are not interested in him. I would also close windows facing his house and not open them :)
2007-10-03 23:56:14 · answer #2 · answered by vnj 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hubby is having a bit of a jealous streak and rightly so. Your neighbor may seem "to him" as if he is getting more attention than he is or quality time when you think you are just being nice.
Then your neighbor is also putting your husband down and probably not just to you but to others as well and just quiet possibly hubby may be thinking something may be amiss with you and the neighbor.
2007-10-03 23:41:42 · answer #3 · answered by Rickard 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your hubby is just giving you a hard time. It could be that the neighbor is just looking for friendship, maybe he is just genuinely nice. If he makes your man uncomfortable, you should mention it to your neighbor so he doesn't step on any toes.
2007-10-03 23:48:50 · answer #4 · answered by Lisa W 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lady!
Let me ask you these questions alright: do you how to cook, don't you?
If he bought you something you don't have the right to refuse his thoughtfulness, do you?
Why is he talking about and disrespecting your husband?
Is it your responsibility to defend your man if he is under criticism, isn't it?
why does your husband's comment bother you but the other man does not?
You are marrying to your husband not your neighbor, are you not?
Your neighbor he's engaged, isn't he?
Does he suppose to take-care of his future wife, Right?
Why are you having phone conversations with an engaged male?
Do you understand the meaning of marriage?
Do you happen to know how many couples divorced because of misbehavior and carelessness manners of this nature?
Please re-evaluate your everyday activities if you want your marriage to last....
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2007-10-04 00:03:51 · answer #5 · answered by Dongfeng!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people just are neighbourly like that.I am like that with all my neighbours.But I would definately be careful as he is more interested in you then your husband.When he puts your husband down make sure you back your husband up.Say good things about him so he knows how much you are in love with your husband.Don't give him any false hopes.
2007-10-03 23:37:13 · answer #6 · answered by kittykitty 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
yes, maybe your husband is seeing something you're not seeing??? maybe the guy has a "crush" on you or something? maybe he's exploring his feminine side a lot, also -- and sees you appreciate his efforts.
just because he is engaged, doesn't mean he can't have a crush on you.
take care.
2007-10-03 23:39:01 · answer #7 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yeah. He sees that a player just moved in. Let's hope his fiancee' isn't one too.
2007-10-03 23:51:10 · answer #8 · answered by Chiksita 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋