I don't have kids, but I keep reading about the stress of what kids bring into the marriages. I've been trying to have kids for 5 years and I'm starting to think that it's a blessing because I value kids even more now than those who were able to have kids so easily and find them a burden somehow.
2007-10-03 16:12:44 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Children are wonderful! If you married the right man who is ready and willing to be a good father and supportive of you as a mom then it's a great thing.
I grew up the burden of a young mother - it sucked and makes me appreciate the joy of having children now. I'm so glad I waited for the right man - even though we are both older and have had some fertility issues.
Yes having children can bring different kinds of stress into a marriage but they also bring such joy and fun into the equation, too. My husband and I had a good relationship before and a really great one now that we realize we have to set a good example. We're definitely more patient with each other and less likely to fly off the handle about stupid things.
Keep trying - you sound like you'll be a great mom!
All my best wishes for successfully starting a family! Good luck!
2007-10-03 16:24:06 · answer #1 · answered by Mirage 5 · 2⤊ 2⤋
The thing about kids that can bring stress to a marriage is all the work that is involved in having one. It sounds like you already have quite a bit of stress from trying and not being successful. Just remember that it has been the two of you. You get to do what you want and enjoy what you want when you want. A child does change that - he or she becomes the center of everything. When a baby cries, a parent responds. When a baby is hungry, a parent feeds. This takes time away from one another.
The best thing I have found is have frank discussions on your expectations and fears of having a child and how it will affect your relationship. Try taking a friend's baby overnight and see how the two of you handle it.
2007-10-03 23:23:37 · answer #2 · answered by racinaba 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Kids are a huge responsibilty, and can cause alot of strain and stress on parents.
If BOTH parents dont pull their weight to help with everything that kids need, then the other can eventually resent it, and the marriage can break down.
I dont think that people consider children to be a burden, Im sure every single person who has a child feels greatly blessed as you will when you have your children.
Its not the kids that breakdown the marriages........its the non-united front of the parents..thats ruins the marriage.
2007-10-03 23:20:49 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
The actual saying for this is that kids can make or break a marriage. You BOTH have to be ready for a lot of sacrifices. Kids are very demanding and cost a lot of money. But the reward here is the unconditional love that they give you. No matter what they love you. And when they come to you and say mama i love you and wrap theyre arms around you its the best feeling in the world and all the stress and time is well worth it.
2007-10-03 23:23:30 · answer #4 · answered by beanodom 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it can
part of the reason is that once a women has kids the husband becomes number 2, the child becomes number 1
and that's wrong
after all where is his incentive to keep working and keeping you happy?
where is his incentive not to cheat
if you think having kids will keep a man
you are sadly mistaken
men now a day have no problems walking out of a marriage with kids involved
they'ld rather fight for custody
and life a full life
than be 2nd or 3rd place for the rest of their married life
and putting up with less attention
less sex
and a frumpy housewife
you did Dr Laura's book right?
2007-10-04 00:06:11 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Kids can do many things to a marriage, it's all in how YOU feel about them. Yes, they are a blessing, yes, they are loving, yes, they can be stressful & trying at times. But it all depends on the person/couple. If you're honestly finding your feelings have changed twds. having them, there's nothing wrong w/your way of thinking. My daughter loves her nieces, loves to take them on vacations, have them over, but admits she would NOT make a good 24/7 mother herself. She enjoys them when she's w/them & loves them very dearly, but does admit she just was not cut out to be a mother herself. Her marriage is very happy & she enjoys her "extended family" but also enjoys her freedom. She also tried to have children, but it just didn't work out. Has resigned herself it just was not meant to be, the older she gets the more she realizes the reasons. Basically, it's to each their own & no one can fault you for your feelings.
2007-10-03 23:30:11 · answer #6 · answered by Sue C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
being a parent is the hardest most time consuming and yes stressful thing anybody could ever do !!!!!!!! BUT BUT BUT it is the most rewarding thing you will ever do ... no job , no car no nothing will ever hold a light to being a parent . that doesnt mean everybody was put here to have kids , my sister didint have any and she is happy , so i made up for her not having any and i have 3 lol . i simply , totally and unconditionally love my kids and you know what ......... you will never find a love like the love you have between a parent and a child .
2007-10-03 23:49:32 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to put your marriage above your kids. If you can't do this (you don't have solid foundation, don't have a good support system with babysitting, etc), you will fail.
Kids require great sacrifice. You will have to give up a lot of what you have now.
I'm currently divorcing because spouse couldn't sacrifice like I could. It takes A LOT of sacrifice. And, it really does need a lot of support. You need to make sure you go out on a date at least once a week - at least!!!! Put your marriage duties and maintainance above parenting and you will make it!
2007-10-03 23:27:59 · answer #8 · answered by karen 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
For me kids were the greatest most fulfilling experience of my life. I would not trade it for ANYTHING. Yes there are some hard times but to me there were minor compared to the Joy. As for ruining a marriage - Not at all. In fact we are much more closer and less self centered and selfish. As for burden the word has not entered my mind. I guess if you don't have time for children, are not mature enough to raise them, selfish, and self centered - yes they would be burden.
nice utube on joy of daughter. I can relate to this video so much.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DBcJL0mX4Eo
2007-10-03 23:29:07 · answer #9 · answered by ensoman 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kids definitely put an extra stress on the relationship, but they bring so much life and love to it also. People seem to think that having kids means less life, but I can't imagine my life without the chaos of my kids.
You never know the feeling of complete love and commitment until you hold your new baby in your arms.
2007-10-03 23:20:19 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋