coming out as trans?

Question

I am a transsexual and I want to start transitioning from female to male. While it is not going to be a matter of real transition just yet (only baby steps like binding and packing), I want to come out because I am very sick of hiding in the closet.

The problem is that I live in a college dorm and though it is a co-ed house, the suite and room are single-sex. That is, my roommate and suitemate are both female, but I am male. I do not know if this will cause problems either socially or administratively -- is it possible that I might have to move out if I come out?

It seems some clarification is in order. I am a pre-everything FTM transsexual. That means that genotypically and phenotypically I am 100% female... I do not have a "peniss". Psychologically speaking, I am 100% male.

I'm not worried about being forced to live off-campus; as a freshman I am required to live on campus. I am concerned that if I come out to my roommate, though, that I will have to leave the room mid-semester (and that is not feasible as I have no time to move out, and no tools to disassemble and reassemble my loft).

I definitely want to get my own room when I start taking T and whatnot, but at the moment all I can afford to do is bind and pack. My intention is not to come out to the entire house or anything, just tell my roommate "Hey, just so you know, I'm TS... so don't freak out, I just am tired of hiding my undergarments and computer screen."

Answer 1

It depends how you come out (first of all, any such coming out should be done under the guidance of a licensed therapist that specializes with gender identity issues and verified the condition). If you tell folks you are a male trapped in a woman's body and want to transition, that likely would create a undesireable situation where your at now. If you tell close friends and family that you have a strong association with the male gender (which was concurred via a therapist as likely being transsexual or some other more suble term), and furthermore this may unfold to a transition someday in the future, that would be more subtle. Then request those folks to understand that you are not interested in "girl talk", may dress less feminine, etc.

Since you are taking a baby step approach to transition, I would suggest, avoid burdening the roommates, dorm or college with an extreme disclosure (at least for this school year since living arrangements are pretty much set). Instead, spend this school year working with a gender therapist and formulate a long term transition plan. Include in the plan, living and job engagements you forsee next year and beyond (in the event the future holds an actual transition).

As a not yet transitioned MTF, I understand how you feel about being sick of hiding it and wanting to pursue some changes. I found several subtle strategies to make me feel better in the interim (which included telling some close people about the condition itself, not about transition plans).

Answer 2

Hey there, Its like reading my life man! I am also a 22 year old FTM whose parents and family think its not normal. First thing I will say is please do not consider suicide, as it doesnt solve anything and there is ways and means to change your body to make it right. My family don't know how I feel and simply think I am a lesbian, sometimes they even dispute that! and I'm not ready to come out to them yet, nor do I suggest you do, as it could be dangerous and you may end up with nowhere to live. I suggest you go to see your Doctor and get referred to the sexual problems clinic for counseling ( the establishment still appears to believe it is a psychological problem, instead of a physical one! and needs to establish that we have a psychological issue) at least thats what it is in Scotland, or something of that nature. The waiting list is quite long average about 20 months, I've been on it for about 9 so far. By the time the appointment comes around I hope to be living alone or at least have a car to attend these appointments if not I'll have to push it back, til I move out, I attend counseling for other issues unrelated to my gender, as I often find people tend to fixate on that instead of the real problem so I didn't say, but it has definately helped me become more secure in realising that the change actually is what I want and also helps me be a little more comfy in the body I'm burdened with right now, so that I can be okay enough until I can change it. I am only out as being male to my best friend, but even that one has helped greatly. Look on You tube for a guy called Jacob Lochy or something to that effect- he is amazing and has videos on everything you need. Also the transitional male website is very helpful. Also if you are a small chested guy like myself, just wear a bigger shirt to hide them (I'd recommend you still wear a bra, as hideous as this suggestion seems, as it could damage the tissue if you dont and make it less easy for surgery when the time comes. Topman makes great clothes in smaller sizes too :) Hope I helped mate good luck Jake :)

Answer 3

Before you start to transition, you need to be in a private room. Yes, I would anticipate this would cause issues. There should be someone in an administrative role that you can talk w/ in confidence. Also, most colleges have a GLBT support. Good Luck!

Answer 4

you may have to move into a single if you want to come out, although i've known friends that have come out to their friends, classmates and profs, but not to the administration.

contact the person in charge of res life and also read the student handbook to see if they have a specific policy. depending on the college, you may not be the first person to encounter this.

the LGBT student organization at U of Penn is an excellent resource for res life questions and trans issues on campus.

Answer 5

Do You think that You will be 'forced' to live off campus? That is the real question, isn't it?

Answer 6

it will better to be alone than to be around some people that they might dont like that idea