How would you feel and what would you do if...?

Question

your roommate is crying over a "bad" grade on a test?

The main difference between her and I is that she grew up in a very sheltered life. Now she's in college and doesn't know how to deal with anything. I take courses that I like because I want to learn while she is stressing out over grades, future jobs, hw, and all sorts of things. Honestly, I don't think too kindly of her. She thinks that she has a mind of her own and that she is confident, but she comes off as insecure and ignorant. She's ALWAYS stressed or hyper... I am fairly tolerant of her because I realize that we grew up in different environments. I feel as though I'm 6 years older than her in terms of emotional and mental maturity. However, this is getting a little annoying. She asked me to tell her funny jokes to cheer her up. How am I suppose to tell her anything funny when she's crying and when I'm feeling contemptuous of her (although I try not to). What would you do?

Lol, I know how she feels. And I've been through that, but I have never actually EXPECTED AND REQUESTED anybody to comfort me or make me laugh when I was sad. She's too dependent.

Btw, Randy, you are completely wrong. she comes from a very loving family. She calls them everyday about everything, god. She's just too emotionally dependent.

I probably come from more of a "dysfunctional" family than her... Besides, she tells me that her mother doesn't put any pressure on her schoolwork.

Just in case anybody misreads, I didn't actually told her any jokes...

Answer 1

I once was taking a psychology course, and the teacher, realizing that I already had several university degrees, in mental health and other areas, once told the class, "The main difference between Randy and myself is that I got to read the books I wanted to read. Randy read the books he had to read." It sounds a bit like the differentiation you made between yourself and your roommate. I tell you this because it's true, and because I'm guessing that you are not aware, at a truly sensitive and understanding level, the stress she has been brought up in, in terms of "making the grade" and satisfying her mom and or dad with her academics. She may come from what is called a "dysfunctional" or alcoholic family, and has adopted the role of "hero child" where she has assumed the responsibility of making the "top grade" in everything possible as a way of hiding the trouble back at home, from herself as well as from neighbors and friends. If she lived the "sheltered" lifestyle as you say, that furthers the strength of my assessment, and I can assure you that she truly is "insecure", as you say, because all her life, and I do mean ALL her life, she has been one of the main factors that has held whatever positive picture that family has of itself and in the community together, and she's never had time to simply enjoy life, "find herself", and realize what she likes and dislikes. Depression is a major factors in such families, and the individuals in them. She can't read what she likes, because she was never allowed to discover what she liked. She was forced to hold that family together in the self image and community image it had. She has never been allowed to mature as children in healthy families do. Maybe what you can do is to give strong consideration to what I'm saying here, experience a bit of sympathy for someone you can't stand, and maybe talk to her, or let her talk to you, or maybe even hope you can refer her to a counselor who knows and appreciates the difficulties within dysfunctional or alcoholic families. She needs help, from you or anyone she can get to understand, listen and advise. Some professional help may be good for her. Someone on the same age level, like yourself, who has no knowledge or experience with such matters, will be only marginal help, but at least a "sympathetic ear". God Bless you.

Answer 2

Don't play that role if it is not what you want to do. You are going to become more resentful. Tell her to go talk with someone at the health clinic. I think they have people like that there. You are not oblilged to tell her jokes to get her laughing. This may be a style she learned at home. You are probably right. You are more mature than her, but you aren't going to make her more mature. She has to come by this herself through her life experiences.

Answer 3

Can you find excuses to avoid her--like you have studying to do--you need to go to the library to study--just try to spend as little time as possible with her. I know--you should not be kicked out of your room. Maybe try to grow a thick skin--and try to listen with one ear--so to speak. Try to shrug it off. Best thing I can thing of. Good Luck

Answer 4

I duno... If I were in yer position, I'd be the roommate! That's an EXACT description of me, almost...