I am recently divorced from a marriage where my wife left me. I still have feelings for her, but I know she is never coming back.
I have been friends with a nice girl since highschool (though i had not seen her for years) and our friendship was rekindled when I was going through the divorce, and she was also going through a difficult divorce. Everything between us had just been friends for months, and we were a mutual support system for each other. I found myself becoming attracted to her, and a few weeks ago, we became a couple.
She introduced me to her three kids, and they are very wonderful. I want kids someday, and feel that I would have to miss out on having my own being with her, and if we ever get more serious and live together, or marry...I would be living in another man's home.
I would like to hear from somebody that has made a situation like this work..I think i love her, but is it possible to "become" part of a ready made family?
2007-10-03 13:34:16 · 7 answers · asked by baron d 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I have not been in your shoes, but I was raised in a situation like this. My parents split up when I was about 15 years old, and my mother moved in with my stepfather. I wouldn't see the children as a stumbling block, but blended families do require some extra effort at times. If you really love this woman and you are truly committed to her then you have nothing to worry about. Marriage is what you make of it, and as long as you're both 100% committed to making things work I'm sure you will find a way.
I have raised children that are not biologically mine, and the children that I have raised have serious issues from their tragic young lives. Still, I am committed to loving them completely, and over time each one of them blends into our family as if they have always been there.
Also, why do you feel that you will miss out on having children of your own? Have the two of you spoken about it and ruled out all possibilities? If your longing for biological children is stronger than your love and commitment to your girlfriend then maybe you should reconsider.
2007-10-03 13:43:02 · answer #1 · answered by Melissa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is possible, takes work and effort, but it can deffinitly work. This girl is no longer with her x, why would you feel like you are in another mans home. You don't need to be dad to these kids, you need to be their friend, and a good male roll model. Just talk to her about how you are feeling, maybe if things got very serious down the line, how do you know she wouldn't want to have your baby, or what ever alternatives to have a baby together. You need to talk to her. Live in the now, not what if's. Also don't settle because it is familiar and comfortable, make sure your feelings a genuine and not just cause ur x isn't comming back. This new girl is a package deal, and so what happens between you 2 affects her and her kids, so never never never, be with a mother unless you are sincere.
2007-10-03 13:43:18 · answer #2 · answered by Maalru3 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well... here is the thing...
First, it seems you're not over the divorce... while there isn't anything really wrong with that, the fact is you still have feelings for your X wife, so maybe right now isn't the time to get into something with anyone else regardless if they have kids or not....
With that said.... I am a single Mom of 2 and I am divorced... My boyfriend is a single Dad of 2 and he is divorced... I know it's a little different because you don't have any kids of your own, but follow me for a minute....
My boyfriend and I are both young (just got married to young for wrong reasons to other people) and I can tell you that YES a blended family can work and yes you do become a "ready made family" to a degree....
The thing is this... again, you're not over the divorce, secondly she has 3 young (I'm assuming young) kids and if you're not really into it (and it's okay if you're not) or if you're not ready for it (once again, okay if you're not) PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE Slow down with this girl, give yourself a little time to come to terms with your divorce and DO NOT allow yourself or her kids to get attached... it isn't fair to them, to her or to you.
Good Luck ;)
2007-10-03 13:45:47 · answer #3 · answered by ? 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Slow down there TURBO!! You/or your new friend haven't healed yet!! Wounds are very fresh&open. You both r easliy influanced by each others pain! (how much do you talk about your X's) Give yourself some time, Stop, get off your WHITE HORSE, lay dn your sword and look at this whole picture!! And, kids WOW, try living in a DMZ, I've raised my kids,& her kids, hers was/is tougher!! MOMMIES KIDS THIER IN THEIR MID20'S and act 12&15, wanting handouts,freebees,$$$$ You better slow dn, it won't get any better than this!!!
2007-10-03 14:04:46 · answer #4 · answered by happywjc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I think it can work if u truly want it too!! If u come close with her kids u will grow to love them as yours and they will be grateful u came into their lives!!
2007-10-03 14:41:24 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am also like that..Im separated and have a kid....
Women likes me wants to be love and I think we deserve to be love....Past is past!...
2007-10-03 13:39:00 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes i think it could be possible because her kids will start to like you and think of you as their own dad......
2007-10-03 13:38:49 · answer #7 · answered by Mileys Fan 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋