need advice?

Question

Hi guys, this is a very touchy subject for me to be typing about, but i need advice from peeps that don't know me to see what use would do.
First off to cut a long story short, my sister had been stealing off me, my gran and my uncle, she had been using my credit card and stealing blank cheques from uncle and going into my gran safe and stealing money.
I know what use are thinking well thats fraud and yes it is, but my uncle could not bear turning her in, mean while i went to the police and they where no help, this was 3 years ago all this happened.
She cut herself from the family and i haven't seen her in 3 years, i have been left paying the debt. Just last week my gran passed away and my sister was at her funeral hiding as some of my auntys would of said something. My gran forgave her a year before she died and wanted to see her but my family would not let her,anyway i am back talking to her with my sis again as my gran would want that, my sis has told me that she is expecting

I would just like your advice guys should i build a realationship with her again, after all im going to be an aunty, its just soooo mucked up

She has offered to pay back the money for credit card, she is going to pay off how much that is still owed.

Answer 1

Give her the chance to redeem herself, but by all means protect your self. Family is Family so love her any way, like my granny says hate the sin not the sinner. Good luck to you and congrats on becoming an aunt.

Answer 2

hi Louise ,
first of all am sorry for your gran......
Then , concerning your sist's prob : You have been nice enough to pay off the debts she owed you. That's what I would have done with my sister. You can't change the past, unfortunately... but you can built a nice and new future with your sister(mum to be! congrats!)I think you need to relate the past events with the future you can have with her. Every one does silly things when younger. Idon't know how old you both are , but you need to react as adult and be mature with your thoughts.I'm sure it must have been very painful when she cut off contacts with you all , but now she is here, with you , she is not dead or unhealthy, take this opportunity to recreate the link , this amazing link that belongs to you. She is part of your blood and no one on Earth can replace a sister. You know , it's when someone is gone , that you really realise how much you love this person and all the things you wanted to say to this person. She has been quite mature to offer you to repay the debts ( that's good sense!) I also think that your sis has been through hard time on her own. She's left maybe to find herself, maybe she was lost and the way to steal money from everyone was maybe a sort of " help me".It hasn't been very nice from her though, to be honnest. The act to come to the funerals meant that , even if she was away , she still kept an eye on you all....
I think she realised all the mistakes she's done, and wants maybe to repair them by getting contacts with you.
I think you should talk to her, try to understand her and as I said, recreate this amazing link called "sister"...
Hope you will have the right decision , hope I have helped you a little bit, and "good luck"!
Take care!

Answer 3

give her a chance to prove she has changed, your gran forgave her and i think you are half way there, let her pay you back the money she owes even if it is at a few pounds a week, you are going to be an auntie and that is exciting, i would not trust your sister completely as she really needs to prove to you that she is not going to do that sort of thing again, i am really sorry that it has taken the death of your much loved gran to bring you back together, but maybe it is lonely for your sister being on the outside of the family, give her a chance to prove she has grown up, good luck with your problem and i hope you can get back to a loving relationship with your sister, good luck with being a auntie it is the best feeling next to motherhood, hope it all works out to you.

Answer 4

My sister has an addiction to gambling; over the years she has stolen from everyone who was in her social circle. She stole thousands from a woman she babysat for; her argument was, "they are loaded, they won't miss it".

She stole from me when I had nothing; a divorced mum of five, working my b*tt off to put food on the table; she stole my wedding ring; she emptied my purse once when I had a small bonus at work...it was years before I learned not to leave money or valuables around when she was there.

The crunch came when the woman she babysat for confronted her and called the police in....she was interviewed and briefly arrested...she came running to me for support.....but I was 8 months pregnant with my last child whose father had run out, and I told her to get lost, I had other things to worry about.

I forgave her, of course I did; she's my sister. But I will simply never trust her again. She has a good job now and a hubby and two great kids...and she still gambles. I don't leave my purse around when she visits.....All valuables are hidden too.


You sound as if you are in a similar situation, and maybe your sister has learned her lesson. Let her pay back anything she offers to; and set proper terms, ie, that she will pay it back in agreed amounts over an agreed time. My sister did this to the woman she babysitted for; they agreed the charges would be dropped if a certain sum was paid back ; however, I never saw a penny of what she took from me.

You have to be tough on this one; because she is hiding behind the fact that her family did not turn her in. Don't get soft because she is pregnant....did she consider YOUR circumstances when she was robbing you? If she offers to repay even some of the money, accept it, and insist she pays. You are in control here. It's a very sad situation to be in, and I feel for you....my poor father never got over it in our case, as some of our neighbours were afected.

Answer 5

if you believe your sis has truly changed then give her a chance to actually prove it, she may have matured more now especially as she is expecting, building a relationship with your neice/nephew is important for the child as it is you and your sis,
of course you should not give your trust to her untill she has really earned it, and she has to realise this will take hard work from her...but its not your job to learn to trust...she HAS to earn it first

Answer 6

So she returned because she needs help with her child? Would she ever steal again, or mock on your trust again? Will she clear completely her money debt to you? I believe she has to pass a harsh test on honesty to see if you can trust her again.

Answer 7

Give her a chance to prove to you she has changed and is being responsible. Just don't leave anything out she can get her hands on while she is proving it to you. Once burned, you learn.

Answer 8

By all means give her a chance, but only if she admits her mistakes and asks forgiveness. She must also make restitution.

Answer 9

She is your sister and always will be go ahead and talk to her. She might have gotten her life strait now or is on the path to it and talking to you might be just what she needs.

Answer 10

OK, to be friends.. but don't get taken with her life and baby..

u will get sucked in only to be disappointed..

keep ur distance..
first time shame on her.. if it happens again.. then shame on you..
good luck.. congrad's...