women in psychological abusive marriages?

Question

if a women stays in a mentally abusive marrige,then arent any of the consequenses she suffers as a result of it ,her fault
as she is a grown women and we are ultimatly responsible for ourselves,also we cannot blame others for our problems,therefore
she cant blame her husband for anything,as she could have just left????
I was in a mentally (which i've found worse)than physical abuse,for many years,
and this is what i was told by people
what are your thoughts??
I have my own beliefs on this issue now,Im just curious to see what you guys think??

btw=i was 21 when i married

I have not posted my personal opinion on this (samantha) thats why I asked
It is a question see??

the question is ''is she responsible for the consequences shes suffered''???

Answer 1

Actually this mentality that it is the victims fault is part of the reason why women STAY, not leave. They feel it's their own fault and that they deserve the treatment they are recieving. It is not the victims fault, and although they may want to leave they may be scared or may not feel they deserve anything better. Mental abusers make you feel like you are worthless and that you can not survive without them because you are stupid and ugly and no one else will have you. They isolate you fromyour friends and family so you can't reach out for help and the chip away at your self esteem until you believe what they are saying.

NO it is not the victims fault and anyone who thinks so is a moron. Instead of putting victims down we should be putting ourselves in their shoes and trying to help and support them. Unfortunatly they have to make their own decision and sometimes the only thing you can do is be there for them until they see the light.

Answer 2

Women are taught to bond or remain married to one man for life. This is taught to her by her ancestors and her religion (if she is religious). Women are 'little girls inside, who are looking for a man, who reminds her of her daddy'. Either a woman will marry an abusive man because her father was also abusive because subcontiously this is the only type of relationship she knows how to handle. Yes, it is her fault for staying in this abusive reltionship, but the external factors (family beliefs and religious beliefs) will cause her to remain in the abusive marriage even if she knows it may kill her. The other reason a woman stays in an abusive marriage is because she does not have the self confidence and or finances to leave. Some women stay to raise the kids with a/their father. Sometimes, there is the threat of the abuser that she and/or the children will be harmed or taken from her if she tried to leave. Some stay because they feel hopeless/helpless. Many times when a woman is in an abusive relationship, she has been isolated from her family and friends, which causes her not to have the support she needs in order to find the strength to leave her abuser. I have noticed when men get married, they continue their lives as they did when they were dating or single (going to play activites with the guys; going to the bar for drinks after work; hanging out and doing whatever with the fellows), but when women get married, they change and their girl friends change. The girl friends will begin to back off as to let the friend bond and spend more time with her new husband. The newly married woman will also begin to spend less time with her girlfriends in hopes of spending more time with her new husband, so they can bond as a unit. The woman will make changes for the success of the marriage, but the man will continue his life as if nothing changed. This is also another reason why women can not just leave when they find themselves in an abusive relationship because lose close contact with their support base.

Answer 3

I disagree. Yes, she could "just leave", but when a guy is mentally abusive, it's a game for him. How low can I make her feel before I need to pull her back up and make her feel good just so she'll stay with me and make me feel better about myself? That's the way it seems to me. So the guy will do all the wrong things until he thinks you can't take it anymore then he does all the things you love about him and those good things overpower all the bad so you don't feel like you need to get out. It hurts like hell to be in a relationship like that. And I believe mental abuse is much worse than physical abuse because you can't see the damage that's being caused. I think it's probably much easier to get out of a physically abusive relationship because it's obvious to everyone including yourself that he's hurting you. If you're definitely out of that mentally abusive relationship now, good for you. If not, get yourself out as soon as possible.

Answer 4

She is absolutely NOT responsible for this. Leaving a domestic violence situation is not as easy as people make it out to be. Love, money, children, etc whatever the reason that she decides to stay is whats keeping her there. Blaming a domestic violence victim for not leaving is the same as blaming a mugging victim for walking down that street and being mugged. No one is responsible for the acts another inflicts on you.

Answer 5

easier said than done. i learned my lesson on that. people easily say, just leave, but your abusive spouse has ruined your self-esteem and confidence. i had a great life and job, wonderful place to stay and pretty much was happy with the way i looked, now i feel like i am a failure and ugly. this relationship took everything from me and i feel i cant just leave because there isnt anything else for me.

Answer 6

It all depends on how strong the woman is. If she can just get up and leave without thinking about if she is hurting her husband then she is good to go. BUT if the woman is mentally weak and doesnt feel that she can do better then she is going to stay right where she is.

Answer 7

Psychological abusive marriages is when your spouse tells you are the intellect of a 2 years old and if you leave you won't survive and you'll need him for everything etc? Or psychological abusive marriages is when you tell them when they did something wrong that hurt you and they refuses to accept that he hurt your feeling because they hate to be wrong so in the end you find yourself in a big argument where you are accused of "psychological abuse"? I am confused....But anyway, to me it is the abused fault. The abusive person is the way she is, obviously she can't change, if you don't like it or after you had enough and nothing changed in all this time, just pack your stuff and leave.

Answer 8

I agree with you-- I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for about 4 years & I know it was my own fault (it was from when I was 20-24 about). I broke it off when I got enough respect for myself to do so. I learned a lot from that time & there were some good parts but I realized it was very destructive to me.

Answer 9

Just like a woman that gets the crap beaten out of her on a daily basis and we ask why did she just not leave. You can not judge what you have not experienced first hand.

Answer 10

Anyone who says that is an imbecile of the utmost degree.

It is NOT that simple as 'just leave him', and anyone who has been in an abusive situation (I have) knows that.