My boyfriend cannot give a compliment, although he loves to get them. When I asked why he can't do this, he replies that he has been told this before. But still, he doesn't give any compliments. I can spend an hour dressing up to go out or spend a day in the kitchen preparing a meal and he neveer says a nice thing, etc. After a while, it almost seems undermining. What is wrong with him? I thought when you love somebody you want to tell them how much you admire and appreciate them. It comes naturally. So, I don't understand him. Does anybody have any thoughts on this? Is it some kind of passive-aggressive behaviour?".
2007-10-03 12:29:55 · 11 answers · asked by apriltime 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Could it be he is a bit narcissistic and as someone else said - it has to be all about him?
I'm glad he is only a boyfriend not a husband because it will be easier for you to end the relationship. I have a lot of thoughts on this. My partner is the same- it just gets worse the longer we are together. If you can't get what you need from this man now, it may just get worse. There are men out there (don't know where) that actually appreciate a woman and the things she does so why waste your valuable time and effort on someone you have to struggle with to get the tiniest bit of feed back from? If he is the same as mine it is passive-aggressive behavior and more. In the long term if it progresses toward a winner/loser struggle this type of person will fight to the end and make sure they are top dog.
It comes from low self esteem and self hatred. When a person is happy with themselves they are able to give of themselves. When someone is crippled inside they have nothing to give but anger/bitterness.
I've not had a compliment or an apology in ten years. Is this the future you are looking at? I prolly gave you more in this answer than you were asking for.
2007-10-03 13:09:03 · answer #1 · answered by flip 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
It could be a lot of things. First of all, remember that this is your expectation of him. Try to see him as he really is in other areas. Is he polite, is he kind, is he a steady worker, is he honest? Does he hit you, yell at you, cheat on you? Yes we all like to be told how great we look, what a great effort we are putting out, but in the end, we should do things because we want to and not becasue it is to get a compliment. Stop thinking something is wrong with him. If you are put out about dressing up and cooking, and not getting a 'gee you're great honey,' its not all his fault. think about it: do all things come naturally to you? Give him some space and give yourself a break. Stop nagging.
2007-10-03 12:41:39 · answer #2 · answered by smileytexas 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know my husband is the same way, and I think he just does not know how, he tells me in other ways. He picks out beautiful clothes for me to wear. Or he buys me a nice massage because he knows I work so hard around here and yes I do give him compliments but, men are different. Get your compliments from other people and love him for who he is not who you want to make him in to. You cannot change a man, love him for what he is to you. Be thankful he is yours!
2007-10-03 12:39:49 · answer #3 · answered by teresa m 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
His mothers and dads did no longer style that style of habit formerly him and did no longer coach it to him. He does not have a physique of reference for it. So, as a effect, he's inept in that dept. you will desire to have discovered to regulate it by way of now. you could positioned "demands" on him yet he won't be waiting to furnish you compliments in a organic or spontaneous way. he knows of the priority yet there seems to be no motivation on his section. Sorry, hon.
2016-12-14 06:51:37 · answer #4 · answered by lacue 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are a smart girl. no it is not as you said; a passive-agressive behavior. I have the same problem; it is just... maybe he is internal person; he keeps it all inside.
If you want to know whether he really likes you or not, try to notice his face, his behavior when you dress up beautifully for him, you can really know when he get happy or excited... If he stays numb... then... Your relationship is not that promissing... it needs vivid hearts, not dead ones. And in this case, he is the dead one.
2007-10-03 12:42:42 · answer #5 · answered by Psychological Moment 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband has to be reminded to thank me, and I will usually just ask him if I look good...lol. He's a really quiet guy...doesn't know how to speak his mind a whole lot, especially when it comes to compliments.
I just play the "damsel in distress"...I'm a player like that..haha...what I'll do it I'll just ask him if it looks good in a way that cries "You really actually don't think I'm beautiful", and eventually he feels guilty for never telling me that I am...and it becomes a habit for him to tell me I look sexy...for a week or so....hahaha
So if it feels undermining, kinda toss it back to him. :]
2007-10-03 12:38:09 · answer #6 · answered by Rogue Muse 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think rather than worrying about his problem, you should ask yourself why you continue to put up with him. If you've talked to him and he has no intention on changing, then the ball is no longer in his court, it's in yours.
You cannot change someone who doesn't want to change. If you can't tolerate his behavior (and I wouldn't blame you) then all you can do is move on to someone who will treat you the way you want to be treated.
2007-10-03 13:08:23 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs a little reminder, don't give him any compliments for a while and see if he notices. If he does than he got the hint, if he doesn't, than just don't bother giving him compliments until he does get the hint. What comes around goes around.
2007-10-03 13:28:18 · answer #8 · answered by robink71668 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
it's because their only thoughts are of theirselves. self centered. it's always has to be about them they are what's important. if you always talk to them about them they will listen and you will have their undevided attention. but get off that and they don't want to listen
2007-10-03 12:42:49 · answer #9 · answered by jeannieboop 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh, that's an easy question.
His parents did not teach him manners.
2007-10-03 12:42:33 · answer #10 · answered by Goddess Amore 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋