Can you write a story with these??? The funnier the better?

Question

1. Here comes the sun
2. What a weird twosome
3. Help, I need somebody
4. Twitchin' her tail
5. Wheelin' and dealin'
6. When in____________
7. I was til you got here

Answer 1

Dodge City, Kansas
Circa 1873

"Lordy,Lordy, Lordy"

Miss Kitty was sitting in front of the Long Branch....A Mint Julip in one hand and a half smoked old stoogie in the other.
She was wearing a dress that was in desperate need of ironing, her hair resembled a bee's nest on a windy day in March and one of her false eyelashes had fallen off and was now hanging precariouly on the tip of her chin ........
Half in the bag, she cared not a FIG as to her appearance.
When Sunshine MacGillicutty rode into town, resplendent in her yellow bloomers, Kitty leaned forward, spit in the street and downed her drink.
Kitty:"SAM!!! Bring me another Jint Mulip!! Gent Doolip......
The hell with it....Bring me my Randy Scouse Git Rotgut !!"
Sunshine heard her voice and turned.
Kitty:" Here comes trouble....... a' (4) Twitchin' her tail and chewing her damn bubble gum. YOU'RE AN IDIOT!!! DO YOU HEAR ME, YOU HEATHEN FROM HELL!!...*Hic*
She then stood up, balancing herself against a post and walked toward Sunshine. "Listen, you Rebel Rugrat.......
(5) Wheelin' and dealin' ever since you came to Dodge. You STOLE MY MAN, you jackass!! (7) I was (his) til you got here !
We were happy. We were content. Maybe we didn't wrestle under the sheets three times a day as you two do, but we had our moments." She grabbed the post as she started to fall. (3) Help, I need somebody !!" Sam The Bartender caught her.

Matt heard the commotion and came running out of his office.
Kitty:" Ohhhhhhhh~~~~~ (1) Here comes the sun, here comes the man I gave my youth to!!!!!"
Kitty broke free of Sam, staggered into Front Street and started singing: (To the tune of "Here Comes The Sun")

♫ " Here comes my man. Do do do do.
Here comes my man. And I say, it ain't right.

Darling Matthew. Sunshine's a fool why can't you see? Do do do do
And darling Matthew. I fear she'll be the death of me. Do do do do.

Migraines a'plenty. All because of Sunny.
I hate her. Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do
doooooooooooooooooooooooooo ♫ "

Sam pulled her out of the street and was walking her inside the saloon when she stopped dead in her tracks. She turned around and faced Matt and Sunshine....."And by the way. I just want you to know (2) What a weird twosome you make.....
The Libidious Lout From Virginia and the stoic Marshal from Dodge. HUMPH!"
Then Kitty surprised everyone with a partial recitation of Shakespeare's Sonnet 29:

6)"When in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes, I all alone beweep my outcast state.
And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries,
And look upon myself and curse my fate."

Matt : "Kitty! I didn't know you could recite Shakespeare!!"
Kitty looked at the two of them. Matt had his arm around Sunshine and she was popping gum while playing with the buttons on his shirt.
Kitty: " BAH!!!! "
Sam, the ever faithful bartender, lovingly helped her back into the Long Branch.
As she entered, she shouted over her shoulder:
"A plague on both your houses! They have made worms' meat of me!"
Sam gently nodded his head ........."Oh, Lordy. Lordy. Lordy"

Answer 2

I was just getting ready to put an ad on line. More than anything I wanted to sing in a duo. I started to write, " Help, I need somebody. Not just anybody, that St Bernard twitchin' her tail (although I admit she was in beat) What a weird twosome we would be! But, when in Alaska you are wheelin' and dealin' with Eskimos and living in an igloo, Oh no here comes the sun we may be getting all wet soon.
I remember when I only wanted to sing and be a star. I was til you got here. A DOG! A DOG!

Answer 3

Here comes the sun, here to wake me up to another lonely day. I thought to myself, 'Help, I need somebody!' That reminded me so much of a song... in fact the whole morning seemed like a sad song, until I went out to go wheelin' and dealin', all the usual gettin'-up-tos... Then I saw her, twitchin' her tail, just asking for my favorite pick-up line.

So I went on up to that foxy fox and said, "I never knew who I was til you got here." But just at that point a pair of old fogies went by and muttered "What a weird twosome!" She heard 'em, I heard 'em, and our fate was sealed... and as she walked away alone, a vision in red, I thought to myself "When in Cleveland, approach girls who are not even on the same block as a couple of old fogies, you old fogie you!"

Answer 4

"Help, i need somebody", cried billy as he lay in pain on the pavement.
"Whats wrong" said a passer by, "are you in trouble".
"I was til you got here" replied billy as the man helped him up.
"Yes, When in bother, you should always ask for help" said the man.
Billy clutched his leg, which appeared to be broken.
"What happened" asked the man.
"Well" said billy, " i was walking along with my dog polly, when all of a sudden, she started twitchin her tail. I looked around and there were two men who polly knew. They were the local dog merchants. They were constantly wheelin and dealin in dogs and they had previously tried to rob polly. Suddenly, they ran at me and polly. I tried to scare them away by singing the lyrics of "Here comes the Sun" really aggressively but they just beat me up.
"What a wierd twosome" replied the man
Billy agreed, in pain...

Answer 5

When in love with Yoda, some strange things can pop out of your mouth. Some can improve your quality of life, while others are liable to shorten your lifespan. Consider the following overheard conversation:

Yoda: "Good day, yeees? You shiny with light force, you are."
Date: "I was til you got here!"

Yoda: "Mmmm...ponder what interferes, yes, yes?"
Date: (undertone) "Wheelin' and dealin' with Hans Solo...." (louder) "I mean, nothing dear, I'm not blocked."

Yoda: (silence, who knows what his tactic is?)
Date: (desperate) "What a weird twosome! Do you see that bird over there, dating the fish twitchin' her tail?"

Yoda: "No bird there, no....hmmmm..."
Date: "Help, I need somebody to translate! Yoda, you're so....so....frickin' unbelievably NOT understandable with your accent and the philosophy I'm supposed to adopt and debate and I mean PUSHY..." (she doesn't stop talking)

Yoda: "Here comes the sun!" swoooooooooooosh goes the light sabre
Date: (with dying breath) "Ohhhhh, *now* I get it - you've gone to the Dark Side!"

Yoda: "Cannot date one no helping for, yes?"

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