Anyone go on anti-depressants after spouse's affair?

Question

I have this anger that I cannot let go of. No amount of exercise helps. It's not all the time, it's comes and it goes, but when it's there, it's REALLY there. My mom and hubby think that I should get on some medication. I thinking that I probably do, but how is medication going to help the thoughts that are in my head constantly. How is it going to help that I can't even have sex with my husband without thinking that he probably wishes it were her instead of me? Anyone else feel like they were cracking up after the affair?

Answer 1

When my husband moved back home with me after being gone for 2 1/2 years is when i fount out about his affair he started 8 months prier to moving out. He got his own apartment 3 blocks away from me and his son and the whole time he lived there we were still having sex and going out on dates and spending nights with each other. Every holiday he was with me and we still went on vacations and family get togethers. We did this the entire 2 1/2 years he had his own apartment it was like we were dating again it was very exciting. When he moved all his things back home is when i started founding things she had planted in his clothes
Like a card stuck in between a pile of tee shirts a dvd (Number 1 love songs of all time) my husband would rather be shot in the head then to listen to love songs.The worse thing was a pair of thongs that was put inside of a shirt that was turned inside out. It was the only shirt in a pile of 8 that was turned inside out so that right there told me that she had planted it for me to find. When i turned the shirt on the right side the thong fell to the floor right in front of my husband.
This is how i fount out about his affair he swore on his mom & dad and even our son that he was not cheating on me when i ask him before he moved back home. He was good at convincing me and everyone else of what ever he wanted. I was such a mess when it sunk in what he had been doing to me,i was a walking zombie i didn't want to do anything or go anywhere. To make it worse my husband wouldn't answer a lot of my questions so that made my mind work over time. I started reading book after book on the subject and many of the books said to write your feelings down so i did and it helped but the thing that help me the most was a tape recorder i had bought. When ever i felt a spell coming on i would lock myself in the bathroom and say what ever i was feeling at the time. I was so angry and hurt i didn't know how to deal with this pain. 3 months was all i could take i needed help fast so i went to see a doctor and he put me on anti-depressants,the third day after starting is when i felt different . I did not wake up sad but normal it helped me deal with and face up to the problem i was having. When the spell came on i was still unhappy and sad but not as severe and it passed quicker and i didn't dwell on it as long. I had to stop after 4 months because of the side affect i was having. It took away my sex drive and i couldn't have a orgasm so i stopped because sex was the only thing that made me feel close to him. Like you i did think about things they did in bed and if he was thinking of her when we were doing it but i enjoyed sex with him. About two days later i was right back to where i was before i started. It's now 10 years later and i am finally getting to where i don't cry when i think about it. My husband has bent over back wards to help me through this. He became a different man a man i wish he was when we first got married. That's the only reason i stayed with him because i truly feel that he is sorry for what he did. I do believe that he is one of a very small percentage of man who do learn there lesson from having an affair...10 years and no signs of straying !

Answer 2

Affairs are destructive and what you have are trust and security issues. Those don't go away easily. It takes time and unfortunately, for most couples, that doesn't mean they're relationship will work out. Most do go their separate ways. You're not cracking up..you're just going through all the phases of hurt and healing a spouse goes through after an affair. Trust will have to be earned on his end and although it may be repaired..there will always be that scar. Have him jump through the fire with you and let him know that you need him to be supportive, understanding and mature about all of this. Take things slow and easy.

Best of luck.

Answer 3

Why can't you prove it. With today's technology you can prove it. Don't you have caller ID? You can request phone records which will have the day and time a call was made or received. Push the redial button after he hangs up the phone and see who answers. Quit having the "poor me"" attitude and get angry. Find out what he's up to and confront it. If your on antidepressants because of your relationship with him, I can tell you that for situational depression , there are no pills to stop this type of depression. Those feelings you are having are a natural response to the problems in your marriage.The cure for your depression is finding out the truth and addressing the problem. The only time antidepressants work is when you are depressed with no reason to be depressed.Find the strength you need from within yourself and show this man that you are a lot stronger than he gives you credit to be.

Answer 4

Getting on medication is always the wrong answer. No! they won't stop the thoughts in your head and No! it isn't going away soon.

What your husband did was a betrayal of trust and that's where your angry comes from. Things are not going to better until you can trust him again and that's going to take time. He's got to show you that you can trust him. SO that is on his foot to do.

Until then you just have to keep your angry under control. Getting into kick boxing or Tae Kwon Do or something where you can release it.

Next figure out how he can make this up to you. It looks like he has decided to stay with you but you've need to have him come up with a plan of how he's going to make it up.

This will help you both.

Answer 5

You name it, I was on it. Nothing worked except a stay in the hospital and some intensive therapy. Some people just cannot handle it as well as others. You have to do what is best for you. Go see a therapist and they will put you in touch with a doctor to work with in conjunction with them. I also went to a group that was extremely wonderful. You can make it! You just need someone to talk to that has been through it and made it also. Take care and remember that only you are responsible for your happiness, not your husband or anyone else. Do what you need to do to make sure you are happy and healthy.

Answer 6

Everything you said happened to me, too. Anti-depressants did help. I have no clue biochemically how they helped changed my thought patterns (and I'm a molecular biologist with a PhD), but they did. I'd suggest you go on them to help you get through probably one of the toughest times in your life.

Answer 7

of course its normal to feel this way. you wouldn't be human if you didn't. but antidepressants aren't going to fade your memory of your husbands wrong doings, not are they going to help you heal, forgive and move on. no medication in the world can do that.

Answer 8

I going to give you a little secret that you may reject, LET IT GO!!! By you hanging onto it is not harming him, it is causing you problems. Example, the Anti-depressants you are now considering taking. Do you know there are many side-effects associated with antidepressants as well?

Answer 9

if you go to the bookstore there are actual books about how affairs start and reading these should give you a reassuring perspective about the whole thing. it is not the end of the world. taking medicine to cope is scary to me, it may numb you to the whole world and become a bad habit. i recommend reading about affairs, there are many titles that address exactly what you are feeling.

Answer 10

Why would you want to live that way? Leave him and move on. There is no excuse ever to have an affair.