PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE! Read To The End And Tell Me What You Think! I Dont Know What To Do!

Question

Ive had a LOT of problems with pregnancy's.
This is my 5th pregnancy total.
3 miscarriages (10, 12, and 16 weeks)
1 abortion 10 weeks (medical reasons)
Now 34 weeks along with my little boy (the doctor said I couldn't have kids any more but here I am!)
Me and my husband are over the moon about finally having a baby.

Now however the doctor is talking to me about sterilization. I'm such a high risk for complications, she thinks it would be best to prevent any further pregnancy's.
I 100% agreed with this UNTIL I talked to my husband about it. He thinks I should go with a IUD (the chemical one that lasts 5 years) I asked him why and he said "You never know how we are going to feel in a few years."
The problem is I have had a lot of problems with chemical based birth control's. (the pill, patch, nova ring, shot, ect) And a history of cancer in the family makes the non chemical IUD dangerous also.

I think he wants more kids later, and I would love that! I just don't think its possible.

It took me forever to carry one child to term. I just don't know if its worth the risk. I don't want to get our hopes up for another baby but I don't want to just give up...

I'm only 23 years old, so I'm not to old to continue to try to have more kids... my husband and I got married 7 years ago so our relationship is stable... Its just my body isn't built for having children.

I would consider adoption as a option, but me and my husband don't make enough money to qualify for adoption. We make plenty of money to support a child but adoption agency's ask for a LOT more than is needed...

Yes my husband went through losing all these baby's with me, and he was VERY supportive.
I swear I married an angel.

I know he doesn't want to put me through this again, but he knows how much I want another baby with him. I think he just doesn't want me to give up yet...

I just don't know if I can handle the disappointment if I try and fail again.

Answer 1

Hi. This is only an opinion, but I think that since you are still young, you should not get steralized. There are so many things that could happen medically. Many people have multiple miscarriages before finally having their first child. I am so happy for you for getting so far along in this pregnancy, I am sure it has not been easy at all! Just take the proper precausions, (you and your husband) and give your body time to heal after you have your baby. Then, see how you feel in a few years as far as getting steralized or trying for another. Don't let anyone rush you into this decision. I am 29 and pregnant with my second (1st was a miscarriage at 3 months, this one is 36 weeks tomorrow!) and I do not feel to old to try for another a little later on.

Answer 2

I would skip the sterilization for now. Obviously you've been through a lot and you don't want to give up. We live in a world where there's always advances in the medical world. Maybe after the baby use a condom or spermicide or something to prevent pregnancy until your ready and able to have another. You sound like you'd make a great mom and I can sense eventually you'r really going to want anohter one. I had one at 16 and never thought that she would be my only one well here I am 12 years later going on baby number 2. I just couldn't imagine only having one. And I can't imagine how It would feel to know that another one is no longer an option. Good Luck.

Answer 3

You are 23 and got married 7 years ago? Wow.

Since you are not sure what you want, I would not take permanent action (sterilization) until you know what you want to do. In your position, I would use condoms until I thought I was ready for another pregnancy.

As long as you understand the risks to your health if you do get pregnant (it sounds like that is part of your doctor's concern?), then it's up to you to make an informed decision. If you decide later that you do not want to take the risk, you can look at having your tubes tied or at your hubby getting a vasectomy at that point.

By the way, you can become a foster parent and participate in foster-to-adopt programs at little or no cost (not that you should do this, but if money is the only factor holding you back I thought you'd like to know). There is also a tax credit available to adoptive parents. It doesn't help with the money up front, but does ease the financial burden of adoption a bit. Not that adoption is an "easy" fix for your situation, but I thougth I'd share in case you didn't know.

Answer 4

Just remember that sterilization is PERMANENT. You will not have the option to change your mind later. Remind yourself that the doctor was already wrong once, when he told you you couldn't become pregnant again.

I am a strong believer that everything happens for a reason , which usually isn't apparent at the point that you are going through emotional pain.

You have finally made it , and been able to carry a baby to term (well, almost there ;) ) Focus on that beautiful blessing right now. Allow yourself to be happy for the moment, and worry about long term decisions later.

There will be plenty of time after the baby is born, for you to decide if you want to try for more.Don't get discouraged about further pregnancies , you never thought you'd make it this far right?

Answer 5

if the doctors say you cant have anymore babies, its for a good reason, dont have any more babies. I am also 23 and I have had 3 csections, I have a 3 year old, a baby that passed away last March at 26 weeks, and I had a girl on Sept 10th, because they were all delivered by csection my dr said that I would be risking my life if I had more, my husband didnt want me to tie my tubes ( I was really mad) because he also wants to have more later in the future but the way I see it is that they dont know what we go through during pregnancies. I am getting the birth control Mirena just because I have no other option. I dont want to have anymore babies because of what my doctors told me or else I would. I think you should really sit down and talk to your husband and tell him how you really feel about this situation. Do whats best for YOU.

Answer 6

Everything you wrote here, did you tell Hubby? this is my 4th pregnancy, I lost the other three (2 miscarrages and 1 ectopic that nearly killed me) and though I'm only 8 weeks things look good so far. (saw the doc today). I know all the pain you've gone through, but men don't always fully understand. Maybe you two should just sit down and you explain everything you said here. Tell him you don't want to risk another one and that you'll be willing to adopt and save a child. You claim your relationships stable, I think he'll understand and support you. If my doctor gave me the option, i'd take it. That's a pain I never want to live through again.

Good luck!!!!

Answer 7

Hi, I can understand what you are going through. I have had 2 miscarriages and know that there is always the potential for complications.

Definitely speak with your doctor more about this, but perhaps you could go on the birth-control pill and/or use condoms until you make a decision as to whether you want to make this permanent decision or not.

Also, maybe it is wise to get a second opinion and speak to a reproductive endocrinologist as well as a 2nd OBGYN.

Best wishes to you. I know how hard it can be to make some of these decisions.

Take care.

Answer 8

This is tough and I hope you don't take it the wrong way. You say, effectively, that you agreed with the doctor's opinion until your husband tried to talk you out of it. To me, that shows he is thinking of himself, not of you. You also say you THINK he wants more children. He should really be telling you outright whether he does or not, not leaving you to work out what he might or might not be thinking. You are having a precious child together now, which is more than many couples who would dearly love children manage to have.

I believe you need to have a full and honest discussion with your husband on this. If he doesn't understand the medical issues at stake here, take him with you to the doctor and have the doctor explain it to him. If he truly loves you and values your relationship and your life together, he will understand and come to accept what's best for YOU - after all, it's your body that's going through all these problems and as you say, it doesn't appear to be built for childbearing.

Good luck with your baby and with the future, and take care!

Answer 9

I would talk to your doctor about birth control options, they are temporary in case you change your mind. You are young for something permanent, but there is good reason. This is something you need to put a lot of thought into and follow your heart. But wait until you have the baby, there is no need to stress over it now. I have had a lot of problems too and am pregnant with my second, on bed rest and hoping for the best, and originally we wanted to have a lot of children and are now second guessing. I am planning to use the 5 year IUD so we have plenty of time to think about it before doing something we might regret a few years down the road. Best wishes!

Answer 10

You poor lady :( You make those of us who take having kids for granted think a little....
As for your situation, try talking to your hubby about the emotional strain on you, not just the physical side of things.I can't imagine how devastating it would be to lose one baby, let alone 4.
Tell him to see this child as a blessing, and that you are lucky with all your prior experiences to have this one. I think he's probably just thrilled to have the ball rolling, so to speak, that he doesn't want to end that. I understand his point of view too, because I've been told its too big a risk to have anymore babies, due to delivery complications, and I have thre. For him it may be the finality of it, the fact that it ends with one.
It seems as though you need to make a decision quite quickly, given that contraception doesn't agree with you, so I'd take him to your doctors with you and have them explain it to him. All the risks of attempting to carry another baby full term.
Congratulations, and good luck with your precious bundle - spoil him rotten!