A close friend was diagnosed ab. two yrs. ago with borderline personality traits? She is depressed.?

Question

She still has the tendency to see the world in black and white, moving from idealization to wanting to leave the planet. She has learned not jump impulsively into relationships, but slipped into a short fling ab. two months ago. She never rages or acts out against other people. She is more likely to go inside her cave. I hate when she does that, but she always comes back out into the light. She is often the life of the party and is highly functional at work. But intimate or dating relationships drive her batty--too inconsistent. (Truthfully, I often feel the same way.) She winds up feeling abandoned, and she is highly sensitive. She picks up on the slightest little nuance of any guy's beh., and, spooky, she is often right. She can spot a player or a cheater a mile away, and then she kicks the guy to the curb and goes back into her dark place. Is there any hope for her? She says she wants an ltr, but as great as she is, I wonder...What would you say to her? How can I help?

My friend has not been diagnosed with b.p.d., just some key (and very painful) b.p.d. traits, wh. are arguably just the shadow side of being a highly sensitive person.

Btw, she also suffers from mood swings--ecstatic highs followed by suicidal or severely-detached paranoic lows. She cycles rapidly through a variety of emotions, wh. on the positive side makes her a fantastic writer, singer, and performing artist. Incredible emotional range on stage.

On a good day, being with her is a joy. She is funny, witty, smart, and creative--pure sunshine. So, please don't think of me as a saint for being her friend. Despite her mood swings and disappearing acts, this is a friendship worth keeping, as long as I can be truly helpful and maintain my own well-being.

Ok, yes, a highly sensitive person who is sometimes a thrill seeker. When she dates, it's like watching a pyromaniac who can't resist playing with fire; and she always gets burned.

Answer 1

Gee, is there any hope for anyone else, or is she just good at picking people she will later reject? You could look at this in many ways, from many angles. Chances are she will have a hard time breaking this pattern of behavior. Behavior patterns we develop are very difficult to change. Maybe the question is, what do we have to do to adjust to it? Your friend should embrace her quirks and realize everyone has them. Maybe by learning to really know herself and accepting it, that she can make accommodations to accept others and make better choices. She has to know herself well enough to figure out why she chooses the mates that she does and what she does after she has chosen one. That is the place to start.

Answer 2

Borderline personality disorder is much more complex than this; these traits are not definitive to the disorder. Look for more significant behaviours, most especially ones that display a self-defeating agenda, what we call self- sabotaging. Most b.p.d.'s ruin everything they can for themselves, and anyone who has a serious chance to help them; they tend to see those 'playah's' etc due to really great radar...but instead of this opening up the way to great relationships, they use this defense mechanism to keep themselves from having true realtionship's . Among other things, b.p.d.'s love to see everything that confirms why they should stay just the way they are...the counsellor who 'sucks', the guy who shows you 'why you can't trust guys', the job that proves 'you'll never get anywhere', the friend who 'just used me, like everyone else'.
Poor b.p.d.'s; they've beaten themselves with their own game...

Answer 3

I think there is hope for anyone that wants hope, I've know a few people with personality disorders, and some heal and some don't or at least not yet. I think the best thing that you can do for her is not to sugarcoat anything, don't play into her pity parties, and drag her out of that dark place when you can. Drag her to a movie or to get coffee, and most of all listen to her when she's feeling bad, and let her rely on you. But you've got to tell her the truth even when it hurts. Good Luck and I commend you for being her friend.

Answer 4

it sounds like your friend is having a difficult time. Considering her diagnosis, i would wonder if she has severe mood swings as well. There is lots of hope. Borderline personality is in itself exhausting. Persons have been known to be crisis oriented and find some assemblance of safety in chaos. Drama is dominant and difficulty to focus is definite. When a person, such as your friend, internalizes, that response is more of a flight, It is known as a fight or flight continuum and people who internalize, runaway or isolate also have been known to have suicidal ideations and strong feelings of guilt and loss. They becomes victims to their own illness and feel like they are hostage to it. What can help? There are medications that can block transmitters to have people think so negatively, the best I heard of is one called anafrinil which lessens anxiety but strengthens mood. Also anti depressants are sound as well/ However, if your friend is against medication, diet and imaging are successful. Diets with high in iron or aluminum can replace the lost chemicals in the brain. Guided imagery and relaxation therapy, especially biofeedback can work wonders on the compulsions of borderline, reducing chaos and drama. Finally, if you need more don't hesitate to contact me. I have worked with hundreds of borderlines and find alot of hope in its treatment and resolution

Answer 5

The more that they are learning about "Borderlines." They are realizing that it's not really a disorder at all but, the reaction of a sensitive to their unheathly environment. She just sound like a person of the INFJ temperament. Which is normal. Have her, and perhaps you, start there.

Answer 6

Always keep her company as long as you can, because idleness is not good for her at this time. She should keep constant touch with the doctor in this regard. Encourage her that it will be well if only she believe. Good luck.

Answer 7

sound like a character in a book i love it this will be my next story lol