He has asked for a divorce three times. I have done everything including read every book there is about relationships. He is 61 and has had a devastating blow at work due to restructuring - lesser job and less pay. He has offered all the furniture, etc. "Paying me to leave" means dipping into his retirement which I really struggle with. I've asked for counseling several time but he has never really answered or brought it up. I know I will survive this but I really love him and want to be there for him and with him for the rest of my life. There has been no financial or history misbehavior and the physical aspect of our relationship is there (not right now) but has lacked depth. I feel that there is something else, but not someone else. Any advice?
2007-10-03 10:39:20 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
What are you asking him for that he cannot provide? Men are kind of funny. Do you tell him everyday how happy you are that he is there to care for you? Do you do your best not to complain. Men do not like whining. They do not like jealousy. They like to be able to come home and relax and then talk about their day and have a soft place to land. We as women are supposed to love them and cherish them and make them the center of our world. They really do work hard to provide for us. You can always get by with less money. WE started out with very little we are doing better now we have raised 5 children and they are gone now and we do make more money but when he retires we will be making a lot less and we will be fine again. Hang in there just be there for him
2007-10-03 10:48:01 · answer #1 · answered by teresa m 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know, if you've only been married 1 year I would have thought that he would at least want to talk about things. It sounds to me like either like you say there is another issue which is making him act this way or he never cared about you in the first place or there's something you're not telling us. The fact that you've only been married for 1 year says that this is a fairly rapid development, and seeing as marriage is about commitment and for better or for worse, I think you owe it at least to your marriage to hang in there for a while. He seems fairly adamant right now that he doesn't want you in his life though - maybe let him know that you will still be there, but move out so you can give him some space. I think if he wants something from you (ie a divorce) the least he can do is give you what you want (ie counselling). But give him a little time to work out whatever it is.
2007-10-03 18:05:58 · answer #2 · answered by Alex 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry about your situation, However you cant expect anybody to respect you when you are not respecting yourself. Why are you staying with someone who doesn't want to be with you. Yes you may want to spend the rest of your life with him and love him dearly, but if he cant return the feelings why put yourself through any more pain? You also may not need to get a divorce right away, maybe a legal separation for now. Independence and strength is very attractive. I think you should try to move on and live your life and be happy and strong. And as time goes by, if it is meant to be maybe you 2 can try again. And if it doesn't work out its better to be alone and happy then with someone that only cause's sadness and pain
2007-10-03 17:59:29 · answer #3 · answered by paula c 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What your husband is going through is common among men who have lost their jobs or have taken a lower position. Psychoanalyst will get you all sorts of names for it and tell you what drug to get on but that won't help the problem.
What he needs is your help to feel that he can provide for you as his family. He's thinking that he's not a great guy right now and that he can't do things right. His asking for a divorce is his way of letting you off the hook for marrying such a "Loser". Fact is he's not a "Loser" and he's not any less of a man.
Also is the fact that you have a relatively young marriage as well. He's still carrying the baggage from the rest of his relationships from all of his life.
What he needs is your support and that you won't leave him no matter what the future brings.
2007-10-03 18:06:30 · answer #4 · answered by tcs157 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Believe me... I feel your pain, and you can try and try, if it is not in him, it's not going to work. He has told you he wanted a divorce 3 times, you just need to open your eyes, and read between the lines. He has express to you, that he wants out, or you out, you have to have something to work with, and your main ingredient, does not want to participate. If you 2 are meant to be together, nothing would stop that, so I am telling you women to women, it's over, now keep your pride, and dignity while keeping your Honor, as a women. All is not lost, and there is a man out there, waiting to share the love, you have to give.
2007-10-03 22:38:07 · answer #5 · answered by carmel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I commend you for keeping the faith and continuing to try to love and comfort him and be his support. You are a good woman for that. However, the only thing you can do is suggest counseling and continue to tell him you love him and want to work through this together. If he refuses, I hate to say it but there isn't much more that you can do. You could go to counseling alone, it might help you to cope with all of this. Best of luck.
2007-10-03 17:43:34 · answer #6 · answered by Bubbles 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know this may sound wrong, but maybe it would be best to just let him have his divorce. If he asked three times, there may not be a chance to resolve. I understand that you want to be with him for the rest of your life, but people do just change.
2007-10-03 17:42:51 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
why do you want to be around someone who doesn't want you around? I mean, a relationship should be mutual in all regards or at least most.
If he wants you to go, go. You cannot dole out your love and work on something that does not have an outcome for the good. It hurts, but you you have to think about yourself too
2007-10-03 17:44:41 · answer #8 · answered by cristelle R 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
YOU cant make him feel the love you are wanting yes he loves you but come on he asked you for a divorce 3 TIMES
HELLO hint hint
your only prolonging the inevitable
stop you and him deserve better
2007-10-03 17:43:32 · answer #9 · answered by summerbliss 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why would you want to be with someone and be somewhere you are not wanted..it makes you look really desperate..i know you love him..but some things you love are better off not in your life...he doesnt appreciate you leave him..find someone who loves you and appreciates you..good luck!
2007-10-03 17:50:44 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋