Whydo I dislike my mom so much???

Question

My Mom had been so mean lately, Im in High School, so if thats not enough, I have enough stress without her pointing out every single thing I do wrong! I have so much homework, and karate two days a week, plus church three days a week, and then a part time job, Im a god kid and dont get detentions or in trouble, except with her. I dont get why she is so mad at me, she says I dont do anything to out around the house with, but Im busy and I try to help out whenever I can/have the energy to. She threatens to take away some of my activites, but I mean its not like Im out smoking or doing drugs or beating up little kids Im at CHURCH! Just cuz she dosent go....I really am mad at her now and need some strategy or someway to work out how to get her to leave me alone!!!

Answer 1

Wow! Talk about overload so glad I am out of highschool.
I think you need one day! Just one day that your not doing anything. You get to relax and feel great. Then when your mother says that your not doing anything snap back at her all the things you do and tell her that is enough withut her yelling at you saying you don't do anything. It is what I did and it worked. (Both things work!Even in University.)

Answer 2

I understand your pain, perhaps you can cut the church sessions to once a week and instead help around the house 2 times a week. You and mom need to have an intelligent conversation as much as I know you want to, hold back your anger and see if she can agree with you.

Hope this works out for you, the best thing you can do is not think about it so much. don't forget there's nothing wrong with taking the time once in a while to do nothing go ahead waste an hour doing stupid things we all need time to cool down to work good.

Answer 3

My mom is the exact same!! When she gets mad, she just blames me for everything. "Blah blah blah you never help out around the house!! I always have to do everything!!" when I do way more than she thinks I do. And she assumes so much. If I'm typing on my computer, she'll think I'm talking on MSN even though I'm not. There's nothing I can really do about it, so I just listen to whatever she says and try to be a good kid.

I'd suggest you ask your mom why she's always blabbering at you. Tell her that she's making you angry and that you need to focus on your schoolwork and activities. If she doesn't listen to you, then I guess you'll have to deal with it cause there's really nothing much else you could do. I assume you're not 18 yet since you say you're still in high school, so try to take it easy, and know that you'll have freedom soon!

G'luck!

Answer 4

Sounds like you have a busy schedule! What exactly does she expect you to do around the house? She must know that you have a full plate, juggling church, school work, and a part time job. Maybe let her know what you have going on during the day so she can understand that is why you can't do whatever she is asking you to do. Plus you might try talking to her and telling her how you feel.

Answer 5

She's your mother, and you're a teenager. That's why you dislike her so much right now. Everybody goes through it. You feel like she's harping on you and getting in the way of your life. But -you- live in her house and you still have responsibilities while you're living there. Talk to her about helping you with your scheduling and time management. It's possible that you just need to cut an activity out. Go to church one day less per week or something.

Answer 6

Because she is selfish and wants you to fit into the mold she has made for you. Learn to let go of the guilt if your mom is mad about stuff that's not your fault. If she's not giving you any breaks when you make an honest mistake, you shouldn't worry about it. If she sees you do not care about her false impressions, she will stop slamming you with them. It's sometimes hard to balance having a person think you don't love them anymore with taking control of your own life, but people that are worth while will understand. You have to do it for yourself.

Answer 7

I know you will hate to hear this. but every person your age who does not do drugs or beat people up have more or less the same problem. I know that does not help you but it's the truth. I was in the same situation 17 years ago and I still remember it.

That said, your mom may be a particular pain in the *** too. Mine was. She has some serious issues, now that I have grown enough to understand it.

So you need to sort out the following:
1. Is she a pain in the *** to you in particular for reasons that she may not have been clear enough
2. Is she stressed out anyway (problems with your dad, or her job, etc)

It's important you figure that out because your strategy depends on it.

You cannot do anything about her personal stress other than let her know that you understand it. she has to deal with that. If she was never taught to deal with stress, well, tough. She's gonna have to. By the way, don't tell her that last thing, it will worsen things.

Once you can rule out her personal issues, then you can look at what she expects from you.

There is no hard and fast written rule for what expectations are too much or too little between any two people. That's what negotiation is for. I could try to teach you to negotiate on paper, but I would fail. You just have to try and try. That's the best I can say. You have to give in order to take. The key is figure out where is the balance. And that's between you 2.

But, if you think you have too many activities (it looks like you do) then she's gonna have to understand that there is only so much you can do.

Are those activities she has imposed on you or that you have imposed on yourself? or a mix of both?

I think it's great if you have things you choose to do besides school, but you got to be reasonable with yourself too, if you are overloading yourself, you sometimes can end up overloading the people around you too. Because they have to be around somebody who is under stress. And just like your mom's stress should not be so much as to affect you, the reverse is also true. Your mom does not have to put up with your personal stress either, if you have imposed it on yourself.

If she is imposing those activities on you, it's the same thing, if it has the same outcome of overloading you. And it goes back to the negotiation.

You are young and you need to have some time to goof off. Actually, everybody of any age needs to have some time to goof off. I'd say a good 6 or 7 hours a day, you should be doing something that you have *chosen* to. If what you have chosen makes you stressed up, then it is the wrong choice. spin the wheel again.

If there is one thing that you can do to demonstrate your independence to your mom (and thus have her leave you alone) that is, (and you will hate me for it) do your own laundry.

That is the most personal individual thing that you can do to show that you are gonna take care of your business and don't need anybody telling you what to do.

As long as she is doing your laundry, she can always bring that up.

Lastly, I hear you with the negative feedback. Very few people in this world know how to coach other people. They are highly paid and very successful and probably had to go to years and years of training to become good at it. The rest of them are people like your mom and mine. They just boss you around or act passive aggressive, you name it, anything except building trust and reinforcing the positive.

All I can say is, you won't be able to do a lot to change her, although you can try, but at least understand that she is just unskilled at giving feedback (like sadly most people) When you at least understand it, it softens the blow a bit.

Remind yourself of the good things that you have done if she won't do it.

And finaly, this helps a great deal: When people tell you something bad about yourself, the fastest way to get them to leave you alone is to say something like: "You are right, thanks" and leave it at that. Any impulse at winning an argument is just going to make it last longer and waste your time. If you say "You are right, thanks" and it sounds sarcastic, you will not achieve the right result. But if you just say it in a very casual, no big deal kind of way: END of argument.

You know, I see a lot of myself in you, when I was your age. And although sadly I grew up not to like my mom a lot, I grew up very individualistic and, if I say it myself, successful as a person because I learned to take care of myself and not make the same mistakes my parents made.

Anyway, I think you will do great in the end and will at least learn something from the experience.

Good luck,

-arr

Answer 8

She needs to seriously chillax.
Ok, well what you can do is do something for her. Because the most likely candidate for her actions are because she's stressed too.
Ok, now, back to what I was saying lol.
You can do something for her one night, like make her her favorite meal, while playing her favorite music. You know, to take the load of her shoulders for once because it is hard being a parent.
It will make her appreciate you so much more.

♥Peace.

Answer 9

in my own experience,
teenagers hate their parents because they're worried they'll turn out just like them.

then most of us grow up,
and realise our parents aren't actually that bad at all.

as lame as it sounds,
your mom just wants what's best for you,
and even though it's probably the most annoying thing now,
it's important to remember all the millions of children that wake up every morning without a mother at all.

Answer 10

Tell her to grow up! lol
sorry but it's kinda immature of her not to see what your going through she is your mum she should know these thing but you might have to explain that the things you go through the weeks or days tell what makes you stresses and the things you do

good luck