How do you put pain in your past?

Question

I learned that my boyfriend had cheated on me. I want to forgive him. I have never truely forgiven anyone for anything (I end up bringing it up again which is not true forgiveness.) I want to put the pain behind so I can move forward. How do you move forward from this and not let it effect giving the best of you love?

He came out and told me. This was a part of him he was ashamed of. I can't see it as a negative thing or something he did because he doesn't love me.

Answer 1

Understand that his cheating is not a reflexion of you. He chose to this, but you must understand you did not force him to do this. Do something nice for yourself.

Answer 2

It may take you a while to forgive him, accept that you can't do that until your heart is truly ready.
What you can do is to stop bringing it up and stop thinking about it. Don't ask for details, it just gives you more sandpaper to rub your wounds with. (I just re-read that and it sounds all very glib, but keep reading, please, it might help.)
What have you learned, as a couple, from the experience? What have you learned, as a woman? What has he learned, as a man? Maybe you could share these feelings, with the understanding that you need never discuss it again. We learn from bad experiences and if we can decipher what the lesson is, we can use it to grow into a stronger, better person.
You have obviously chosen to stay in the relationship, so you are halfway there: the decision to stay or go keeps some people in limbo for too long.
Focus on where the relationship is going to go now. Every time you start to slip backwards, force your mind to look forward. Set yourself some personal goals that are not part of the relationship and think about those. Having personal goals that are achievable and measurable will give you back some of that feeling of control that you have lost as a result of the unfaithfulness. Without making it an issue with him, make some of this all about you, even if you just do it privately. (That way he won't feel punished, which wouldn't help you move on. Although our first instinct is to punish someone for hurting us, you seem to be ready to go past that.)
Maybe this week you will get your hair cut in that style you have always wanted to but never quite dared to. Next week it might be enrolling in that class you always meant to take but never got around to. This is about you feeling better about yourself, not making yourself more attractive for him.It takes some practice but it can be done. Personal empowerment is a very valuable tool and can help you overcome a lot of hard issues in your life.

Answer 3

You must put it in the past even if you can't forget right now. Forgiveness means not mentioning it again. The more time passes, the weaker the memories will be. However, he must remain faithful and should know that this is the last time you will do this. If it happens again, you will forgive but, you will no longer be there.

Answer 4

When you truly love someone and they hurt you it seems so hard to forgive them but until you truly forget you'll never forgive. Start of by praying asking God to help you,and the bible tells us that if we cal upon the Lord he'lll answer our prayer also who are we that we can't forgive when God has forgiven us. The first them you should do is read Psalm 37:4-8. In any relationship you'll have problems but I promise as long as God is in control he'll weather the storms of life with you.How do I know this God said it and he'l never take his promises back.

Answer 5

i don't think you can ever forgive him, unless you cheat on him yourself. But if not you will never get it out of your mind. it will play over and over.

No matter how much love you have for him, he doesn't feel the same way. if he did this would not be an issue. if he tells you i'm sorry blah blah blah, you never did anything like that to him, right. then you don't deserve it.

you should cut your losses and leave him. mr. right might be right around the corner and your going to settle for a cheater. it may be hard.

and if it was really ment to be then you will end up back together again. but for now you need to let him go so you can heal, otherwise it will be in the back of your mind for the REST of your life.

Answer 6

well before you put your pain in your past you gotta see what the whole reason is for his cheating. I you just wanna forgive and forget, and not deal with the problem.. you might be in the same boat again. Try to resolve the problem and see if you could truly work it out

Answer 7

this is the perfect question for me!
i know the awnser lol
well my boyfriend cheated on me about half a year ago, and after a week of trying to deal with it I dumped him even though he begged to get back with me, 4 days later he has a new girlfriend and 6 months later I still like him.
anyway now, looking back on it, I wish I had just hurt him in the same way or to the same level and then we both could have got over it. If I slapped him or kissed his brother we would've been equal, and got past it.
xxx

Answer 8

If you found out without him telling you then him saying "I'm sorry" is nothing more than "I'm sorry I got caught."

You are better off to cut this off now. But if you MUST stay with him, make DAMN SURE that's he is NEVER going to do this again. Get the both of you into counseling (NO EXCUSES, especially from him) and make him accountable. He should have NO secrets from you. You should know ALL passwords, email accounts, and get copies of all his incoming and outgoing cell phone calls. PERIOD.

If he refuses to accept any of that, he's GONE.

Answer 9

The only way to change the past is to focus on the NOW. As each new and good NOW slips into the past it dissolves the "pain" we sense. Focus on NOW. The pain is past. Good luck. You deserve a great and faithful relationship!

Answer 10

Break up with him! Have some self respect.

Put him in your past, you are a beautiful person and you can find someone who appreciates you!