Finished my poem! You guys said add more too it... so... read on!!!?

Question

Giving up hope
Living a lie

Time to face reality
Time to finally be true

No matter what I do
Every which way my thoughts turn
It always seems to end up right back to you

What is it about you that drives me insane
Why must my thoughts endure so much pain?

Guess this is what it feel like...
Too lose-
What you never gained...

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Please tell me what you think; it is my emotion on how I feel.

If you guys must know; this poem is about the girl of my dreams... It has already been said that no relationship will ever take place between us, but I can't get her off of my mind...

She is a wonderful person; gives me rides home everyday, eats lunch with me, just not interested in a relationship.

Guess more detail gives more insight to my emotions, and the meaning of the poem.

Tweety Bird,

Not that love is so full of pain, more of the fact that she will never be mine... Thats were the pain/depression comes in.

Endive19,

Well... Since im 15... I guess it's Okay then, one year off.

I love my baby Aj,

I love your poem! It has such a wide vocabulary, can tell it took time and thought. Without a doubt you should try and get that published.

Cinthia,

Actually I see your point exactly. I am an amatuer poem writer... This being my second.

But by living a lie I am talking about me still believing that we could share something special. Instead; I have to give up what I never had. It's kinda of a moving on poem.

Hope it helps you understand it better.

Answer 1

Giving up hope, Living a lie
Everything I do, everything I try
My time to face reality, time to be true
Will I ever be good enough for you?

No matter what I do
No matter what I say
It always seems to end up right back to you
Which in essence is what I pray

What is it about you that drives me insane
Every time I think about our lives apart
My thoughts endure so much pain
And the pain I feel is in my heart.

This is all I have time for...sorry.

Hope all goes well. ABBY

Answer 2

You are not only sharing your poem here, but your feelings as well - a brave thing to do. As far as the poem is concerned, it is well-written, surprisingly good in fact. The main change I would make is to alter the end:
Guess this is how it feels
to lose
what I'd hoped to gain

You don't need caps on the first word of every line. Also, don't be afraid to stagger the lines, a poetic device that helps emphasize what you want to convey, without too much, if any, punctuation.

As for the problem itself. This girl hasn't pushed you out of her life, and you still share a lot. Having her as a friend is important, as friendship can often surprisingly turn to love. Possibly, when the time is right, you can share your poem with her. A fifteen-year-old boy who writes poetry is quite a find. But do make sure the time is right. You don't want to embarrass her into backing away from you. I wish you the best with your poetry ... and your life.

Answer 3

thank you for letting me understand that's purely the start. i watch for greater. that's an surprising poem, a ballad worth of a television tutor! i admire the determination of your vocabulary. that's sturdy and desirable, retaining me into the tale as you demonstrate the small print. I even googled Lake Croix for historic past suggestion. It shows truly than tells. S2 L3 "If in basic terms, if in basic terms, if in basic terms to sense". i think of there are too many "If in basic terms" interior the line. could attempt "If in basic terms... specific, if in basic terms to make us sense." Or something else that suits your poem. S3 L3 why "yull"? when you consider which you're actually not growing to be a close-by language, and don't use different words, curiously to be a typo of you will. S6 L3 "no ladies grow to be severe high quality, sorry I feign" Did you employ feign to rhyme or have been you pretending that "no ladies" grow to be surely not so severe high quality? S7 L2 - the relationship with tank is magnificent. i understand you're in tents, till you moved because of the fact 5" of water would create a surprising flood. what's the purpose? Did you progression? S8 L4 - great ending. you have us in contact on your poem, the tale of 6 adult adult males the place in basic terms 3 proceed to be. suited cliff hanger. Write some greater. i watch for factors 2 and 3 and doubtless greater. information make the tale. i'd choose to appreciate how they dealt with the hurricane that night. i think of that's important when you consider which you let us know interior the start that once there have been 6, now there are 3. .

Answer 4

sorry - to sporadic jumps around, doesn't focus on anything. I think you need to sort your emotions a bit more -- use something to make your emotions concrete. I just don't feel what you do with what you have written there.

Giving up hope -- what does that feel like to you?

I look down a long tunnel - I see my goal but can't reach it.

Why are you living a lie?

I want to still believe that you love me, I can't believe I lost what we once shared.

Do those examples make sense?

Answer 5

I think that you wrote a really nice poem. It sounds like you put your heart into it. It sounds like you're writing about a present or past boyfriend, and that every time you think about him, he causes you nothing but pain.

Answer 6

I think you about covered everything that needed to be said. It's short but it says it all. I wouldn't add anything to it without calling it a separate poem.

Answer 7

This is great!!! It is good to let the world know of how you feel. You are not the only person out there who feels that way.

Answer 8

that is really cool. i wrie poetry to and i know what real poetry is.. good job..what do you think of mine?

You walked lightly into my life
Captivating and lovely to my mind,

At first, I never cared who you were
Now I don’t know who I am without you,

You kissed me
I felt my world change,
You held me
I heard my heart awaken,
You loved me
And my soul was born anew

You walked lightly into my life
Now my heart knows who you are

And with every breath
And every step
I take down lonely roads,
Your hand is my staff
Your voice is my guide
Your strength my shelter
You’re passion my awakening.

You walked lightly into my life,
And all my pain
You took as your own,
And all my fears
You cast into the sea,
All my doubt
Lost in your eyes,

You walked lightly into my life
And no matter if you choose to stay or go,
My life is forever changed,
Just because you loved me
For a moment in time.

And because I choose
To love you
For the rest of mine.

Answer 9

If it expresses how you feel then it's perfect. Don't listen to people like the person two above me. Some people are just plain nasty.

Answer 10

"Why is it that love is so full of pain?"

It's hurts and sometimes it's hard to let go. But let go you must. You can't move on until you do.