Tell me honestly what u think of my poem....?

Question

I wrote this poem when I was 11. Please honestly tell me what you think.

It runs, it races, it rushes,
It flings, it flies, it flushes,
It trickles, it churns, it tosses,
It carries, it turns, it crosses,
It comes, it crackles, it goes,
It rings, it dives, it flows,
It bubbles, it babbles, it cackles,
It barries, it grows, it sparkles,
Th little, clear blue brook.

Answer 1

Yeesh, I wouldn't want some of your respondents as either teachers or parents! What's with the disproportionate level of sadism directed toward the work of an 11-year old?

Actually, for an 11 year old to write this would show a relative degree of sophistication. There is a distinct onomatopoeic quality to the poem, supported by the poetic techniques of consonance, rhyme, and a slant rhyme (cackles and sparkles).

The structure of the poem seems to invoke the brook quite well, with a constant flow of strong action words in three stress lines (except for the last line, which has mostly adjectives with one too many stresses relative to the previous lines).

Even the repetition of the sentence structure "It [ACTION VERB]" seems to suggest structurally the nature of a flowing body of water, where the brook maintains an overall constant form but its waves and whorls show individual variation.

Although some of my attributions to the poem were probably more by my default reading as an adult than by intentional design of an 11-year-old poet, your childhood poem still demonstrated an innate instinct for the sounds of poetry. And poetry is about the space where the poet and poem meets the reader.

You wouldn't see it in the pages of the New Yorker, alas; but I would have to say it's a very worthy piece of light verse for an 11 year old!

Answer 2

"It barries"? How does a brook barry? Or do you mean bury, which would be "buries?" The flow is good until the last couple lines. Cackles and sparkles don't rhyme, it's very forced. You'd need to change that. Also, I'd suggest trying to vary the words. Eight lines that go it somethig it something it something gets a little old. But it's a decent poem. Do some sprucing up and it could be really good. :)

Answer 3

She sounds variety of whiny. I hate poems like this. in basic terms go on approximately how she loves him yet became too late. I hate this luvvy dovvy stuff. It gets particularly boring after a jointly as. those memories are variety of trivial and absence stable wording, imagery and metaphors all of which I actual love in a poem . i think of you have the flexibility to be a stable poet yet in basic terms branch out somewhat. and that i think (i would be thoroughly incorrect) which you havent tried to apply metaphors and be reallly poetic rather of going for the thought course as above. additionally, i'm being particularly harsh and ought to point out think approximately some stable stuff in there besides :D

Answer 4

If you wrote that at 11, then you definitely have a talent. You should keep writing. You used all the right verbiage and managed to keep in rhyme.

Answer 5

change sparkles to spackles or soemthing...it does not rhyme or flow with the rest.
but , ya i do like the rest of the poems feel- very nice for 11 yr old.

Answer 6

its a good poem and it makes people smile...i'm 15 and never wrote a poem like that! I only like to write stories! Maybe some day you can become a poet!

Answer 7

I like it a lot I would personaly put and an and after the last in line but I am not poet so you proboly should not listen to me

Answer 8

Personally i think it is very good

The poetic elements fit very well together and it flows off the tounge!

Keep up the good work!

Answer 9

Very cute for 11 years old.

Answer 10

it sounds like an 11 year old wrote it.