how do you stop being angry with your ex?

Question

I really want to be able to deal with him in a nice friendly way, but i'm finding really hard to even be polite to him.

Answer 1

Oh do I know how you feel. You play everything out in your mind how your going say to what you have to say just so you can keep your cool, then as soon as you say it he opens his mouth and says something that brings you back to when it was good between you two. That pisses you off because you then begin to think "why couldn't you have been nice during the ruff times" and you nearly rip his head off. We do have a child together so we have to be around each other.

The one thing I do is limit how long I talk with him, and I take lot of deep breathes. Good luck, you deserve a pat on the back for trying.

Answer 2

You cannot control what other people do, but you can control how you respond to that.
If you have to see him, acknowledge him but only engage him in conversation if you have to. If you are in one of the situations where the kiss-on-the-cheek thing is going on (don't you just hate some social functions), include him, but don't make him the first or the last person you greet. That way you won't have to get into a conversation but won't have noticebley ignored him either. I call it the 'schmooze and slide' rule, ("Hi!" *air kiss on the cheek* "Great to see you, oh, look there's Fred/George/Harriet, must catch them, haven't seen them for ages") It helps me when there are people I would really prefer not to have breathing the same oxygen as me in a social situation that I haven't been able to avoid.
The worst thing you can do is pointedly ignore him. It is only uncomfortable for everyone else around you and makes the situation even more difficult.
I am sure all those around you are aware of why he is now your ex. The more dignified you are, the stronger you will appear. It won't be long before you are that strong person other people perceive you to be.

Answer 3

Why do you need to be friendly with him? Stop that there is no need beyond common courtesy. You need to focus on the future and not the past. Stop looking at him and what he wants and think about you and what you want in your future and then go out and get it for yourself. You do not have time to deny your emotions for sake of some phony fake politeness. he's not your friend so you do not have to pretend that he is. Now turn your attention to something that is worth the time and energy, your new future, without him. there's a reason you broke up, remember that.

Answer 4

Sorry to hearken to your having to bypass by using this emotional drama. i think of you would be effective in time. that's an extremely stressful time for many folk to recover from, yet maximum ultimately do. issues you will desire to to do comprise eliminating the stuff that reminds you of him so which you will not cloud you're judgment with anger. The activity or interest theory sounds good. purely save busy mutually as the time passes till you're over him. And, till you truly (I mean truly) hate him, are not getting a voo doo doll and stab it interior the eyes 'reason those issues truly paintings, and besides, in case you blind him, he won't could pay toddler help or alimony. Take care.

Answer 5

Hi there. I know EXACTLY what you mean..!

Well.....What worked for me was to go to therapy and to deal with my anger and other unpleasant feelings. I also started going to church more and joined a prayer group.

I had to focus on being well and on not letting his attitude and dumb remarks hurt or anger me, because on the long run he would leave (and I would be angry or upset for a long time, while he was OK... Not fair.)

Another thing that helped me a lot was to make a list of all the things I did to make things work; and all the things he did to hurt me and to cause trouble....I read this list whenever I felt I needed to remind myself why we had broken up. It really depends on what kind of person you are and what the circumstances were; but please remember that you need to be OK and not allow others to make you feel bad about not being nice.

We all want to be nice and to be liked; but sometimes we have to choose -and realize that we cannot please everyone.

Don't let him manipulate you or continue to have power over your moods. Go to therapy if you need help, and try to learn how to put your foot down and hold your ground when necessary. As they say: "You cannot make an omelet without breaking some eggs." Good luck....It's tough, I know!

Answer 6

Deal with it by acknowledging your share of responsibility. Who is this person you're angry with? It is someone YOU, yourself, chose as your partner. You had at least 50% responsibility in this decision. Once you look at it this way, you realize that you have more control over your situation than you might give yourself credit for. Just as you chose badly this last time, you have the power to choose well the next time. Anger will not solve the problem, but acknowledging your responsibility and learning from your mistakes will.

Answer 7

Time

Answer 8

You have to take back your control and not allow your ex to have that much power over your feelings. Do not give them this power in the first place and nothing they can do or say will ever "make" you feel bad again. If they can make you feel anything then you have given them too much power in your life.

Pray for them also as earlier suggested. Ask God to help you forgive them and help you let go of the power you gave this person. Once that is done you will have total freedom from this person. God bless.

Answer 9

Why are you still letting your ex make you upset? Don't give them the power to push your buttons any more.

If you have to communicate with them, do so only by written note or e-mail--this way you won't have to see or hear them.

Answer 10

I realized that he would always be who he was, but that it wasn't my problem. That and that the best revenge I could do would be to get over him and forgive him. Once I lowered my expectations of him, I ceased hating him, and all I feel is pity.

So forgive him. He'll always be an idiot, but he shouldn't make you unhappy.