found some girl's pic in my husband's stuff?

Question

once i was going through this bag of my husband's pictures (mostly of me from when we were still dating) and right in the middle of the pics of me was a pic of some other girl...actually i remember seeing the same pic when we were dating but never said anything about it...but 7 years later i find it again, even though it's at his brother's house in canada while we live in the states. he's pakistani and this girl in the pic was african american or maybe even mixed, and i know he doesn't like "dark" girls which i find offensive but anyways...she's standing in a pose that's like she's trying to look sexy and she's wearing a real short skirt. should i confront him about it? 7 years later it still bothers me even though i know he wouldn't cheat on me but makes me wonder if he was dating her before me or something.

actually yeah supposedly i WAS the only girl in his life...that's what i thought; he came from pakistan 7 years ago and supposedly had never dated anyone before me that's why i wanted to know if i should ask him about it.

Answer 1

So what if he was? Do you think you're the only woman who's ever been in his life? Get over it. And don't force him to get rid of the picture, either. He obviously kept it because the girl meant something to him, and there's nothing wrong with that. You are the woman in his life now and that's all that's matters. Furthermore, it makes no difference if she was Pakistani, African, or Martian.

Answer 2

There's nothing wrong with curiosity. You can ask him who the girl is in the picture as long as you don't sound jealous or suspicious. Whenever I find old stuff that my husband has that interests me, I just ask him. He thinks nothing of it. I know he would never cheat on me so there is never any reason for me to doubt him and he knows that. Just say that you found the picture and is wondering who she is. If he ask why you want to know just tell him what you just wrote. That you remember seeing it a long time ago when the two of you used to date but never asked him who she was and that now you are curious to know who she is. He shouldn't get mad or anything. Whatever the answer, the past is the past. Whether it's an old girlfriend, friend, relative, or whatever. Doesn't matter. If you want to know who it is then you can ask. There is nothing wrong with that. As long as you don't think he is cheating.

Answer 3

Let me get this straight - You've been married for 7 years and you are wondering if you should bring something up to your HUSBAND that is bothering you? Of course you bring it up!! How can you expect to have an honest relationship with your husband? Make sure you don't bring it up in an accusatory tone. Just show him the picture and ask him about it in a way that shows you feel very vulnerable and uncertain. Hopefully your husband is a guy who will try to protect you and not add to the hurt and uncertainty you already feel.

Answer 4

How can U be that insecure 7 years later? Is he running off to Canada to see her, does he call out her name when making love to you: if the answer is NO! You answered your own question; NO! He had a life before you he has a right to remember it too. Get over it, you have him she does not. And if he does not like dark women to begin with: WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE IT A PROBLEM? That life before you helped make him the man you LOVE!

Answer 5

Let me just tell you my own personal experience on this matter...I found a picture of a girl in my husbands stuff and i was a little hurt but more curious about who she was so i asked him about her and it turned out to be an old friend from high school that had died in a tragic car accident. Trust me i felt like crap for even thinking of getting upset and when he told me he did not have the heart to throw away a picture of a dead girl, i didn't blame him at all, we now have that picture hanging on a bulletin board in our house. Please do not get upset because it could be a family member for all you know or just someone from his past that he plans on keeping there.

Answer 6

Do not secretely throw it away!!!!!!! You are asking for trouble if you do! Unless you are wanting to start a full fledged arguement over a picture that is AT LEAST seven years old! It's not worth it. I believe that there are insecurities that need to be resolved. It's just a picture. I agree with the poster that stated that race should not have been brought into the question at all. It doesn't matter what race she is or what race he is either. Think about it, would you be upset if someone 'secretly thrown away' something that belongs to you? Talk to your husband, TELL him what you feel. If he wants to HE will get rid of it. Don't mess up with trust issues.

Answer 7

I think you should ask him about it. For one thing, if you don't know for sure it will always be something you will wonder about. Don't "confront" him at all. Just ask him naturally. Tell him you trust him, be calm when you ask, make sure he's not busy or occupied and you have his full attention. Just communicate. And trust him. The two most important things in a relationship. If you have both those things, then you will make it through perfectly. But you do need to talk to him about it so it doesn't plague your mind and ruin your relationship by undermining your trust in him.
Good luck I know you will do the right thing.

Answer 8

When I read this title of your post I thought 'oh no, this poor women has found her husband cheating or looking up appropriate sites', only to read on and see that he has kept a photograph of an old girlfriend. So what? Everyone keeps silly things in memory boxes, they don't mean anything. It certainly doesn't mean he would prefer to be with her than you. I would worry about any man who would throw out a saucy picture from his past. And that is exactly where she is - in his past!
So stop fretting, he's with you, not her.

Answer 9

Everyone has a past. Unless you married him when you guys were both five, you couldn't have been the ONLY girl he had EVER been attracted to. Get over it, put the picture where you found it, and say nothing. Your husband has the right to his past, just as you have the right to yours. If this is the only problem you're having in your marriage, consider yourself lucky and enjoy your marriage.

Answer 10

7 years later you guys have a great marriage, why ruin it over a picture that is past history. The time will come for this conversation between the two of you. let the egg hatch when its ready.