Should my wife keep pictures of her ex husband?

Question

My fiancee and soon to be wife was married before. They had a child together but were only together 9 months of the childs life. She still has all there pictures, wedding and just casual pictures and says she wants to keep them to show their daughter that they were happy together. I have a problem with this because I want her to only have our pictures. Can you give me some advice.

Answer 1

let her keep the pictures. it's for her child to love, not to torture you. she loves you, that's why she married you. so don't drive yourself crazy over some pictures.

Answer 2

Ask her if she can just put them in a box some where private and not have them every where in plain view.Tell her the child will need to have new pictures of her parents, and the old ones only a select few, you don't need to save every single last picture that was ever taken for the kids, that is obsessive to me. I agree with you, as to the kid, what do those old photos really mean, what are you trying to prove, 'once upon a time long ago mommy and daddy loved each other, so?' it is more important that the child gets to know each parent individual and makes his own memories and perceptions. I am sure I will get the thumbs down on this one, but it does make sense to me.

Answer 3

Have you talked to her about how you feel on the subject? I can understand that you want to have only your pictures. You're starting a new life together and her past is causing you some issues. Are these pictures that she keeps out on the coffee table or are they stored away in a dusty old attic? You have to ask yourself if she's truly over her ex or if she honestly wants these pics only for her daughter. If there for the daughter, have her put them in a safety deposit box and put them away. If it's only for your fiancee's benefit, you may need to rethink the marrying her part because if she's still thinking about him, you're marriage is already doomed.

Answer 4

I too have an ex husband. We were married for 3yrs and had a daughter together. After the divorce, I did keep the pictures. Not for me but for our daughter to have. Its a part of her life even though her dad and I are no longer together. I remarried over a year ago and my husband agreed that they should be kept for her.
Set your feelings aside. Its your soon to be step daughters life and it will always be her life. Put them all in a box and place them in her bed room closet. You'll never see them but they are there for her. Start a new box or portfolio with you and your soon to be new family. This too will be just as important to her. Again, its her life in those pictures.
Good luck

Answer 5

Of course she should keep them. You shouldn't try to control her or tell her what to do- that certainly won't make her happy.
She doesn't want to keep them because she still loves him, but she did have a child with him! So he's not going to be erased from her life. Of course she shouldn't be displaying them in your home and showing everyone, but seriously they're just pictures!!! she should respect your feelings and you should respect hers. Are you jealous of him, or what they had together? You shouldn't be... you have her now and obviously there was a reason for them to divorce. Take pictures of you and her together, and as a family. Make your own happy times together instead of getting caught up in worrying about the photos.

Answer 6

Let it go. This boils down to self confidence, realize she's with you for a reason. she's marrying you for a reason,and she divorced him for a reason. It's fine to voice your feelings but you have to understand they have a child together and those pictures will mean something to her child...and keeping these pictures for the child is nice. It means she wants to share that with the child. It means she doesn't loath the man and that is extremely important nothing screws up a kid faster than their parents trying to divide the child between the two. They were together 9 months so you knew when you got into this she had a child, it's part of the territory. I can see where it might be hard but you'll eventually get over it, do you really want to be the reason when the kid starts asking for photos of their dad that mom had to get rid of them. that sounds as bad as it is. just let it be.

Answer 7

I'm sorry that you have a problem with that- But that person is a part of her life since they share a child. I don’t see anything wrong with her keeping the pictures. More than likely, the daughter will really appreciate those. I doubt that your wife will be poring over those on a regular basis. They’ll just go in a box and be out of sight. Try to not take it personally.

Answer 8

these pictures are for her daughter and you should respect that move on. Let put this shoes on your foot for a minute, would you keep pictures of your ex wife for your child? If you have a problem with her keeping picture for her daughter, then you shouldn't be marring this woman. These pictures of her past make you feel that insecure you have a choice here, grow up or break up. That is your only option!

Answer 9

You have a big problem because you are asking this woman to give up her pictures of her ex husband she has a child with this man. her daughter has to be able to see that her parents were happy at one time. and perhaps she will pass them off to her daughter when she is older. If you want her to have only pictures of you she cannot erase away the pass. so just except the present and move on.
Best of luck

Answer 10

That man was very important in her life and even if she has moved on, it is okay to keep his pictures. Her child would be deprived if she didn't know who Daddy was, and that her mom and him were happy at one point. The decision for her to keep those pictures is a very mature, wonderful, caring motherly thing to do. Keeping pictures doesn't mean she still cares for him, but it means that she respects and loves her daughter, and respects her past.
You can't change her past, and it would be wrong of you to hurt her daughter by making her get rid of those pictures.
It also shows insecurity on your part, for not wanting her to have them, and that's a big turn off for women, unless you want to be divorced too, I suggest you let the woman do what she feels is right for her and her daughter.

Answer 11

I don't really see a problem with it. At one time, that was the most important part of her life. Without that part, she wouldn't be who she is today or where she is today. She's choosing at this point to be with you, therefore you should embrace that and still allow her to remember who she once was. If she looks at these pictures often or has them out around the house, I could see where you would have a problem - however, if they're in a box and wants to show them to her daughter when she's older, I don't think you should stop her. It would also be unfair to the child.