Hi, i just found out im pregnant ... and my husband and i are really excited .... YAY! Im just worried though because i dont want my 3 year old step son to feel left out .... not only am I pregnant but His mom is pregnant too.... so he's going to be having two younger siblings all within a two month period ... what are some things my husband and i can do to include him in the whole process and let him know that he is Still and always will be just as loved as always and very important to us?
2007-10-03 09:18:14 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
There are lots of things you can do!
Get him involved as much as you want to eg get him to help pick toys and clothes. Tell him how important he's going to be as the big brother. Tell him you will love him just as much as the new baby. Maybe ask him to suggest some colours for the baby's room (although careful guidance may be needed here! My son wanted to paint the nursery red and purple....). Buy some books about being a big brother or about families having a new baby. Just a few ideas to get started!
2007-10-03 09:26:12 · answer #1 · answered by The Kelda 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have two step-daughters. Before my son was born I treat them and love them just like they are my daughters. I tell people they my daughters. I really never call them my step-daughters. After my son was born, I still love treat them and love them just like they are my daughters. I tell people they are my daughters and son now. When they need things I buy for them just like they my daughters. Give them money when they "Puppy dog look" me.
So, all I can say, is treat the boy like he your own and do not neglect his wants and needs over the baby's. Let him be a part of the family and hold the baby and all of you play together with the baby. Also, do not let the baby (As it get older) rule the roost. Discipline to teach every member of the family has their space and possessions, but, also to share.
It hard to make an example, but, I try this; Like a Ball Glove of your step-son's. If the baby want it, maybe it not to be shared, but, taught that everything is not for the baby. You not want to give the baby free run of everything the step-son have, but, hope the step-son share some things.
2007-10-03 09:37:45 · answer #2 · answered by Snaglefritz 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When your step-son is with you and your husband, make sure that you and your husband set aside time that only involves him (the child) and the two of you. Also have time that involves the "whole" family. Be sure to give lots of hugs, kisses, and positive affirmations to your step-son. You may be surprised at how children adjust to having new siblings. What happens at his mother's house is up to her, but you might bring your concerns to her attention, if that's possible. If either one of you and your husband's parents would be willing to keep the baby overnight at different times this might help you step-son feel that he has "special" time with the two of you. Good Luck!!
2007-10-03 09:31:19 · answer #3 · answered by kepsaw 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're so wonderful to be concerned about him and CONGRATULATIONS to you!!! What a fortunate child that both sets of parents are concerned for his well being (i assume mom is as well, right?)! I don't have step children myself, but my aunt does, friends do - so I understand your concerns.
I think helping him feel included in things is priority #1. He is going to be semi-independent and not in competition with either of his siblings, simply because there is a big enough age difference, but you want to encourage a close bond between him and his baby siblings. My kids are all 2 yrs apart and they never got jealous of each other or the new baby - they have their own toys, their own interests, we spend time as a family and one on one time with them. Everyone is important and loved and cherished. Making him feel like it's not his "half-sibling" but "HIS SIBLING" is the best thing you can do for him. I am an only child and I have sisters on my mom's side, brothers on my dads. It is painful to me as an adult for anyone to refer to them as my half siblings - I love them just as much as full blood, so in my heart, they are. I don't have any full siblings - they are all I have and I love them the same. I'm sure your step-son is going to feel the same way about these two babies. Never treat him differently (even though part of YOUR heart will love your baby a little fonder, how can you help not - this is YOUR baby that you carry and give birth to - it IS different) when he's at your house. It's going to get harder as they grow up together, but do your BEST. It's especially important for your husband to show no favoritism.
One thing that helped us and it should work for you too - I told the older ones that this was "their baby" - it wasn't just mom and dad's. I included them in my prenatal visits (not the pelvic, of course!) - but they helped measure my tummy, they helped listen to the baby's heartbeat. They thought it was cool! It was their baby sister or brother - so I involved them as much as I could. We made decorated onesies for the baby, we made big sister (or brother in your case) tee shirts for them. We made sure if people brought gifts over for the baby, the older siblings weren't left out.
You should have him see the baby as soon as possible after the birth - spend some quiet time just him with the new baby, you and dad. Even 15 mins of close quiet family time would help him adjust a ton - it's very important. Arrange this ahead of time. He should be able to do the same thing with his mom and that new baby.
Talk to her too about how you're each including him, get the grandparents on board with it all and I'm sure everything will be great and positive.
How awesome that he has you to watch out for him - he's so blessed! Have a safe and happy pregnancy and I wish you all the best!
2007-10-03 09:42:39 · answer #4 · answered by Lamont 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its pretty obvious that nobody is being very supportive of you and your situation including your husband. Him being the father of this child he needs to step up and figure out a solution. If I were you I would try to seek some legal help if you decide to take him in again so that way his biological mother takes some responsibility in this too. It is not right that you should feel that you have to take responsibility for this child because in actuality he is not yours. Somebody needs to step up! And by that I mean your husband or the child's mother. I wish you the best of luck! :o)
2016-05-20 00:27:33 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just make sure he know it is very important being a big brother, get him a gift "from baby" when he/she is born. Let him help out with little things. Hopefully his mom will be doing the same
2007-10-03 09:26:43 · answer #6 · answered by Fluffy Cheryl♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does your step son live with you and his dad? Does he NOT live with his mom?
2007-10-03 09:22:46 · answer #7 · answered by Butterfly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋