I need help, my husband is emotionally and physically abusive. I live in fear, fear of him hitting me, choking me, pulling my hair, blaming me, saying things to intentionally hurt me, calling me names, etc. My heart skips a beat and not for the right reasons when I see he is calling on my phone. Its like im thinking oh god what is he going to yell at me now about. I have tried talking to him about it with no luck. He has progressively gotten worse over the past 3 years. Right now I have a huge bruise on my arm, hand imprint on my throat and a bump on the back of my head. I am not a stupid person, I have a great job, make good money and I know im not stupid but its so hard to think that with the way he is constantly putting me down. I want to leave but am afraid he will try to kill me because he has said he would. He is a very jealous person and im not allowed to do anything or talk to anyone without him knowing what im talking about. Please I need some ideas on what to do to get away.
2007-10-03 08:49:36 · 48 answers · asked by helpmeescapehim 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Call the police and tell them you need a safe place to stay. They can help.
Or go to any church and ask for help.
2007-10-03 08:54:06 · answer #1 · answered by AngiesHusband 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Secretly get your ducks in a row. Put aside some $$. Have a secure place to go. Always take pics of your injuries and keep notes. Then choose a day...call a mover, some are very helpful in these things...honestly explain your situation. They'll show up, pack up your stuff, and move you out in about 4 hours maybe less depending on the things you want to take with you when you go. And move you into your new place or storage whichever is necessary. Then get an attorney, and have them file for restraining order and divorce.
I know its scary, I've been there. Although I became everything he said I was. Finally he told me to get my sh!t and leave. Not the quickest way to get it done. And the abuse was worse for awhile. And I can't say that it didn't kill some of my spirit. But I'd rather be dead then live in a situation like that again.
"Dump the guilt; this about survival. It is your responsibility to take good care of the precious gift you were given: Your Body, Your Mind, Your Soul."
www.drirene.com
Cheesey looking website...but has some great facts about abuse as well as contact for help.
2007-10-03 09:23:03 · answer #2 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You didnt tell us if you had children? But it doesnt really matter if you have a friend or call a cab just take what is on your back and get out. No credit cards are to be used they can be traced. Do NOT TELL ANYONE YOU ARE LEAVING AND I MEAN ANYONE. Get up as you normal day for you if you work leave with paycheck in hand and dont quit your job just walk away. Go to your bank and clean it out start by saving money for yourself stop paying some of the bills. Carry nothing but cash cancell the credit cards have the lights gas phone all shut off the same day to keep him busy. Use a false name do not use your maiden name and dont file a restraining order. Do not stay in the same city. But you must GO ASAP go to a womens shelter if you have too. Also before you leave bust up the computer so he doesnt know what you are doing and going. Good Luck and God Bless
2007-10-03 09:05:55 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a job, so you go out of the house. Take a large purse to work (or suitcase if he isn't around to see) filled with your valuables and overnight things. Take the day off work and locate the closest safe house for abused women. The people there will tell you how to protect yourself with a restraining order and a place to live where he cannot find you. You will also be looking for another job so he can't find you at work, too, but they will help you with that. You are foolish to stay in your current situation. If he's threated to kill you, he probably will do it. It's just a matter of time, unless you take action to protect yourself. PLEASE do not put this off. Go TOMORROW. If you don't know where your local safe house is, call any pastor of any church in the area. They ALL know the address. Good luck and God Bless you.
2007-10-03 09:01:12 · answer #4 · answered by Wiser1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey get you some cash together and while he's at work pack your stuff just what you need and get out go to another state break all contact with every one even your parents tell them you will contact them in a year when you feel safe for a year when you go to the other state file for divorce in a city on the other side of the state then you live so he won't know what town you live in also let the police dept. in that town know what all happened so they can put it on file so if he does find you they already know about him also never get mail at you resident all ways use a post office box or you can wait until he is asleep and beat his *** with a bat to an inch of his life break a few bones show him what its like also take some self defence class's
2007-10-03 09:07:11 · answer #5 · answered by glenn_montgomery88 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are describing the CLASSIC batterer/ abuser. Including the use of fear to keep you from leaving. The first step that you have to take is admitting that yes, it IS that bad, and no, this is NOT something that just happens to "the other women" who are poor and stupid. That is a stereotype, and part of what has probably held you back. Personally I think many batterers get away with it, because people are trapped in the "it can't happen to ME" delusion.
Call the police NOW. You need those reports (and evidence), and they can help get you to a safe location where you can get both immediate safety as well as emotional therapy.
2007-10-03 09:05:13 · answer #6 · answered by wendy c 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you need to do RIGHT NOW is get pictures taken of your bruises. RIGHT NOW. Get as much evidence that you possibly can.
Tuck away some of your money you make and start saving. Don't open a bank account because if your husband finds it, he'll get suspicious. Hide it somewhere he won't look (under mattress maybe?).
As soon as you have enough money saved up, LEAVE. Go to your mom's or sister's or friend's...just someone that you trust and can help you get on your feet. Don't let him know where you're going, and don't leave anything you value behind. When you are gone, and have SAFELY left (when he's at work and won't be home to interrupt), THEN you get a restraining order and report him to the police. Show them the pictures and get yourself a lawyer.
It's going to be hard and scary, but you need to do it while you still can. It won't get any better and it'll only get worse. You're smart to leave while you still can.
Good luck, you're in my prayers
2007-10-03 08:57:06 · answer #7 · answered by kiki 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Please leave it is never going to get any better. Do you have family you can go to? what you need to start doing is calling the police when he does something to you, or go afterwards and make a police report. It is really helpful if there are police reports on this person, just in case something happens to you in the process of leaving this jerk. Also you need to go to your local courthouse and get an emergency order of protection (i know that sometimes it doesn't seem to help, but it will). Also when you go to file a restrainig order, usually a social worker can guide you to a safe place or recommend for you things to do/where to go etc. If worse comes to worse and you don't want to do these things, just go stay at a relatives or a friends house and especially make aware the people around you, what your husband is doing to you because if you are staying with people or even at your job they will know that it is not ok for him to contact you or come there. No one deserves to be treated like that. good luck, hope all goes well for you.
2007-10-03 09:00:59 · answer #8 · answered by Dee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
when he is not in the house - leave. Just leave, take an
overnight bag and just go to a friends house, or go to
the police station and file a report (but you better be
prepared to press those charges). They need to document
your bruises. They always say they will kill you if you leave.
Better yet, don't come home from work since you are
already out of the house. There are local woman shelters
look in the phone book at work and make a call. And hopefully there is enough money in the bank account
take HALF of what is in there. And if you have direct
deposit on your paycheck, immediately remove it and
open up a new account.
2007-10-03 08:57:00 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get to the police and take a family member with you. Have him arrested for domestic assault and get a restraining order against him. Make sure they know about the threats on your life. I really hope you are not one of those women that think this guy actually loves you and that some day it will stop, because that is a pipe dream. Once these guys start they won't stop til you are probably dead. You are worried about what will happen if you go, well start worrying about what will happen if you stay. Go find a good man that will treat you like a women should be treated and quit waisting time on that jerk. Do it before it's to late. Good luck and take care of you.
2007-10-03 08:59:07 · answer #10 · answered by Gilly137 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is very scary esp considering the way most ppl choose to walk out. How bout seeking some protection? Go to the police & inform bout his behaviour. Is he normal? I got te point that he is jealous but sometimes these kinds of traits are hard to distinguish from a real psychiatric problem.
Was he like this before you married him? Is he having an extramarital affair? Have you ever done something to break his trust? Does he suspect you to be snooping around?
Does he drink too much?
I think the only option u have is to seek shelter from either someone you trust, like a friend or someone who is in a position to help or get to the police.
Personally I doubt his sanity after the kinds of things he's already done to you.
2007-10-03 08:58:12 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋