My 12 year son just admitted he stole something from the school store - how to handle?

Question

My son just called to tell me he stole a notebook from the school store. His friend yelled - better check him, he stole something. My son knows the person running the store (16 year old). He gave it back and she said it was ok. He know fears that someone who was there will tell on him (he saw her talking to the asst. principal right after the event). No phone call yet from the school but I am debating on what to do. (I'm a single mom doing a pretty good job thus far.) Appreciate any insight to a 12 year boy's mind! Thanks!

Answer 1

Punish him for doing it. Talk to him about how stealing is WRONG. And he knows better than to do it. You have to take action otherwise he may do it again.

Answer 2

12-year old's mind. As I always say, poor impulse of the not-yet-mature child. Just reiterate that what he did was not right, and it's wrong to steal. But no lecturing. Then follow up by removal of privileges or ground him if you believe in doing so...

Nothing will happen. As long as he gave it back and apologized. Though he might want to avoid the store to avoid a hard time. If the school calls, I don't think there'll be much. Maybe just a conference at the most(him or you or both with the principal) or detention or a light suspension. I doubt stealing a little notebook from the student store is going to get him arrested with a criminal record(though some schools do overreact).

If the school calls, just tell them you appreciate them for notifying you, and that your son has already told you and apologized for what he did and you will have a talk with him. If you want to get into the subject, ask if there might be any consequences. School gives you a hard time, just remind them you're a good parent and have always taught him not to take what's not his.

It's unnecessary for you to drag him to the principal's office or call the school or make him apologize. He already knows his wrong, returned it and owned up to it. Nothing happens, nothing happens. Leave it be that way. If the school wants consquences, he should be prepared to accept it.

Even though he was wrong, some friend he has! Ratted him out, and loudly too. The 16-year old girl probably understands...

Answer 3

I think you do not need to envolve anyone (principal, FBI) in this.
Your son attempted to steal. He chickend out do to fear of getting caught or because he knew it was a wrong thing to do.
The fact that your son called you and confussed speaks volumes (he could hide it from you or denied it if you found out)! The fact that your some returned it to the person incharge speaks volume (he could have just tossed it on the floor).
The fact that the 'friend' was seen talking to the principle & no call to you says either the principal doesn't know or isn't to concerned.

As kids we all have tried to get away w/ stuff. I know as a kid I would take an item or two that didn't belong to me. I'm 33 and never lead a life of crime.

Ask your son, Why were you willing to steal this?" Tell him the dangers of stealing & getting caught (jail, police) try to scare him a little bit.
Tell him how would fe feel if some kid stole his____. Explain to him that everything belongs to someone. And if it doesn't belong to him to keep his hands off!
Tell him that even though he will not be introuble this time because of his honesty...it still isn't ok & the next time....(you fill in the threat).
Tell him that you expect him to make the right decisions all the time...not just because someone is watching.

I don't think you should worry too much at this point. You know your son better than anyone here...Do you think he'll do this again?

Answer 4

OK, my little 12 year old sister tells me EVERYTHING. Insight into his mind he probably just wants to last through school and he probably just want to be "popular" Yes believe it or not there is popular in those grades. As for the stealing like i said it could be for popularity or something like that. What I think you should do it in a gentle way ask to sit down with him after dinner. Start with did you finish your homework? He will give you a reply. Then say to him,"About What you told me, why did you steal?" If he says something like I wanted the notebook or something like that he is lying. It has to be for popularity, he just wanted to take it, or another truthful answer. Make the punishment reasonable and well thought out. Extra chores. An apology to the person running the store, and if you get a call from the principal you should be prepared and then make another punishment that fits what he did.

Answer 5

You do not need insight into the mind of a 12 year old child. Who cares what a 12 year old "thinks?" You need to provide some serious leadership and morals for him instead! Apparently he did not get the morals down when he was younger, so make sure he gets them now.

I'd call the A.P. (assistant principal) directly, tell him what my son did, and have the boy take a note of apology into the AP tomorrow morning and also another note to the store owner too. That would be a bare minimum accounting.

Please do not be one of those parents we see all the time that cover for their kids and try to minimize the bad things they do rather than teach them the RIGHT thing to do and the right way to live with integrity! Covering for them and helping him "feel better" teaches them NOTHING but how to do more of the same and get away with it. I work for a high school and see this daily. What is most worrisome is not only is he 12 and stealing, but he didn't steal out of need, he did it to see if he could.

If he was mine, I would find a way to make this a lesson he will not forget as long as he lives.

Answer 6

I think you should arrange a meeting with the principal, and include your son. It is important that all wrongs are righted in this situation. Your son returned the notebook, so that is a start, however next time he might realize nobody would have noticed if he hadn't said anything and keep the item he stole. It is important he realizes there are consequences for bad behaviors.
This would do several things -
1. Make your son answer to what he did
2. Make sure the girl in the store knows it's not "okay"
3. Let your son know you as a parent aren't going to overlook something of this nature
4. Keeps your relationship with the principal clean, and allows the school to know that you are aware your child is capable of doing wrong, and you are willing to follow through with punishment.

Best wishes!!! It's not easy!

Answer 7

I was wondering what were the other factors unseen in this event. To answer your question: You have to reprove your son, lovingly but sternly. Show to him that it's not really good, sans encouraged, to get things that aren't his. (He should have known this since toddler.) Don't spank him since already 12 years old. Better give him an activity that he will never forget. (Try to imagine a "heavy" penalty, but always remain lovingly.)

Now, after that, my original thought was, Why did he do such a thing now (at 12!) That problem can be seen in early stages of life. Personally, I think your son needs attention coming from a "dad". (You mentioned that you are a single mom.) I don't know how you will go about this, but a family isn't complete without father, mother and a child.

A mom cannot fill in perfectly for a dad, and vice versa. Please take that as a loving sentiment from me. No ridicule meant. But that's what I observe for years now from relationships like yours.

Answer 8

He took it back so that is a plus, but you as his mom should give him some sort of punishment, like right 1000 times he will not steal again ever! or just let him know it's not right, maybe remind him of it everyday until you think the point gets across, or you can talk to the person running the store and see if she really meant it was ok, and let him know you talked to her and all eyes are on him now. It's hard to say what is going to stick in their young minds, but healthy reminders can't hurt. Good luck.

Answer 9

steal his tv, game system, or computer for a week.. hehe
but better.. he's 12, sit him down and explain why he shouldn't steal.. it's morally wrong. and stealing from stores will lead to higher prices. there's no pride or sign of accomplishment in a stolen good. just calmly tell him all the reasons why people dont steal. and maybe find out if he really wanted the notebook, or if he really just wanted to try to get away with it...

Answer 10

Remember, he was honest and he told you the truth BEFORE you had to hear it from the principal! Obviously what he did was wrong, but recognize the fact that he confided in you. He did something wrong and he KNOWS it. Instead of grounding him, teach him a lesson somehow. Talk to him about the horrible things that happen when people steal. Give examples of how people end up in jail at young ages, and how people will view him as a lowlife if he does things like this. If he cares at all about his reputation, he will get the point. If he does it again, he's dead.

Answer 11

I would try and handle it yourself at home since he did give it back. Make sure he is plenty aware of how wrong it is to steal and that he does have some sort of punishment enforced at home. I would not involve the school unless they call you first. Then you can tell them that he gave the item back and he is being punished for the incident.