Is this cheating?

Question

When a husband goes to lunch everyday with a female co-worker for over 5 months, all alone, and doesn't tell his wife .IS THAT CHEATING ? He says there is nothing wrong with what he is doing, but he will stop, DO YOU TRUST HIM TO NEVER DO IT AGAIN ? or do you believe he will and he will hide it better so he doesn't get caught. And if he failed to tell you about his private lunches with the female co-worker for 5 months do believe he is not telling you a lot of other things going on in his life.

Answer 1

I used to eat eat iwth my secretary everyday and for a long time I never said anything to my wife, it never occured to me that it was a big deal or anything she would care about.

One day some ladies from the church we went to called her and told her they saw me. She replied "Oh I know that's just his mistress". In other words told them to mind their own affairs.

She told me the story of the ladies but never thought it was wrong or strange that I ate with Mary. We closed the office at noon so it was practical. It is ok to eat with friends and co-workers of the opposite sex I do it even today and so does she. It does not mean you are cheating, which neither of us has.

If she had ask me not to, instead of saying I wouldn't I would have told her that I would continute to eat with whom I desired and she would have told me the same.

Eating is not cheating, he said he'd quit and I believe he will, but too much of that kind of control sends partners packing eventually.

Trust is trust and jealousy is jealousy, they are NEVER compatible. I bet he is telling you the truth and either didn't say he was because he thought you wouldn't care or knew you might over-react which I think you did.

Don't sweat the small stuff and that is small stuff

Answer 2

No, Melanie, that is not cheating. I went to lunch exclusively with a male co-worker for years at the time that I was married. I never mentioned it because I thought of him the same way I thought of my female co-workers. I never reported back to my spouse when I had a same sex lunch partner so why would I bother about a male? I think you're going off the deep end here. Have a little faith in your husband and get yourself in check. Telling him who he can and can't have lunch with is ridiculous. Nothing sends a man running faster than a controlling, insecure woman.

Answer 3

It could be cheating (emotional affair which is by far worse). If he was my boyfriend then I would let it pass and if it bothered me I'd address that I was feeling insecure so please don't have lunch with your co-worker but if he was my husband ... GOOD LORD!! It would be stamped DOOMSDAY on the day I found out. Sure he could be hiding things from you...sounds strange honestly. You should look into that.

Why are ppl so passive about these things?? And they wonder why the divorce rates are so high these days!! come on ppl if u care bout ur relationship say something about it!! Put some order into a marriage - the more passive u are with what everything ur spouse does the more they have chances to f up! so give a isht!

Answer 4

I have a good friend who is a female co-worker. We go to lunch about two times a month, by ourselves, in a very public restaurant. I don't talk about it with my wife because she would react the exact same way you are reacting. I do not consider this cheating, we do not have intimate discussions, we do not discuss our personal relationships, we do not have physical contact, we simply talk about mutual interests and our children.

I am not attracted to this woman, but value her as a co-worker and friend. I have never done anything to cause my wife to believe I have cheated, but her insecurities would lead her to make a mountain out of a mole hill.

Obviously I do not know the situation with your husband and his relationship with you and the co-worker but if it is simply a friendship that has developed, what is the problem? Maybe he kept it a secret because of the way you might react...and did. Communication is the key.

Answer 5

Ok 5 months is a long time to not say anything. There would be no way would I believe that one. And I would believe there is more would be hiding. You just dont not tell your wife for 5 months that you've been having private lunches with a female co worker. I couldnt nor even try to trust him again. It would be way to stressful to do. Dont deserve that either. thats wrong and horrible. Plus you'll spend all that time wondering what he is doing and what he has been doing or possible got. Not worth it to me.

Answer 6

I don't believe just going to lunch with a female co-worker is cheating. I'm not saying it's right, because I know if it were my husband I wouldn't like it very much. But the question you have to ask yourself is do you trust your husband? Do you honestly think he would cheat on you? If you do hire a spy and see if he really is.

Answer 7

There are a lot of variables. If it were my husband it would be very out of character for him to lunch with ANYONE for that long without at least mentioning it once. But, if it were my sister's husband, well, he never tells her anything even though he is not a cheater. Only your husband knows what is in his heart for this woman. If all he feels is friendship then it is probably not cheating. However, if he is developing some emotions for her over these lunches he is probably guilty of emotional cheating. If it has only been lunch in a public place, then the physical relationship hasn't begun. I would be really wanting to know just where they spent their lunch hour though if it were me.

Answer 8

My question would be why did he hide it in the first place? If all is so innocent, ask if you can join them one day for lunch. See what his reaction is to that one. That will tell you whether something is going on between them. We moved to a small town where my husband's job includes a large amount of contact with the public. He told me that he would never to go lunch alone with another female client/coworker because he did not want me to have to deal with any small town gossip. I appreciate that respect. Your husband will hide it only if there is something he needs to hide. Having secrets, especially when it involves females spending their free time with your husband, is not a good thing for your marriage.

Answer 9

He is very much cheating on you. Why should you trust him?? Men are always like that and they will never change. Your husband is no exception and you should know this from the time you come to know about the lunch meeting with his female co-workers.

Answer 10

This is kind of hard, because there isn't anything wrong with having lunch with someone. I would be more concerned that he is keeping it from you. I don't think couples need to tell each other every little thing they do during the day, but this seems to be a little more. Why wouldn't he have mentioned it at some point during the past 5 months? Maybe you guys need to spend some more time together. Just talk about what's going on in your life. I wouldn't lynch him just yet, but I defintely would keep my eyes open!!