Should I contact his mother!!?

Question

My BF has moved back home and refuses to come back now that I am pregnant. His resolution is for me to move back to him home. Personally, that is not the best decision for me and the baby. I need to be with my family in this time of need and I feel he needs to support me in person, not just over the phone. He only went home because he was homesick!! Noone died and noone got hit by a truck. He has a responsibility now and it is no longer about him, its about whats best for everyone. I cannot get through to him and he says he is not coming back over here. I have his mothers cell number but he doesnt know I have it. I also have his home phone which I found on the internet. I want to talk to his Mom so that she can talk some sense into him, also to get a feel how she feels about the situation. Only because he is currently staying in her home. I refuse to add on to her household. Thats not a healthy situation. Should I contact her and how should I go about it?

She knows im pregnant and she knows about me..I know she has an influence on him..It just makes me mad that he isnt thinking about whats best..

Answer 1

I'm in a somewhat similar situation, in that the "sperm donor" (as I like to call him lately) still hasn't told his mother even though he still lives with her, and I'm already 27 weeks.

The good thing is I have known him and his family for over 19 years (I'm 24 years old).

I've been too much of a chicken to tell her, but she is the grandmother of this child, and he's not been responsible at all for the entire duration of this pregnancy thus far. My parents died when I was a teenager, and my unborn son needs to have someone spoil him as he gets older.

Part of me thinks that if I told her, then she would talk some sense into him too. I don't care if he's a hands-on parent, that would be expecting too much, but I do want him to at least acknowledge that he is about to be a father. My brother offered him a $120,000/year job, but he's declined, and says that he's better off working as a waiter for T. G. I. Fridays. If his mother found this out, she'd probably smack him, lol. Honestly, if he can't figure out what a dope he's been, then I doubt his mother will really influence him that much. But it's the thought that counts for something, right?

So, this weekend, I've decided that it would be in the best interest of everyone involved, if I just show up at their house and tell them in person. I have a baby shower in two weeks, and I hope his mother will attend. (Although, I'm not expecting anything from her right now either. She'll probably be in shock, more than anything else.) If he's not going to be in this child's life, his parents will definitely want to be, eventually.

As far as your BF wanting you to move in with his family, don't do it if you don't feel like it is in the best interest of the child or your wellbeing. Hopefully, he's just in a little shock right now, and he'll come to his senses. I hope, for you, this is the case. If not, then just be very foward and honest with him, his family, and your family.

Good luck to you. I wish you the very best.

Answer 2

Honestly, I don't think calling his mom will do any good.

In fact, it may cause more harm than good. If his mom knows you are pregnant (which I'm sure she does) then she has probably already told him he should do whats right.

If you called her, it would cause a major problem between you and your boyfriend. He may resent you for pressuring him to do something he's not ready to do, and he won't be much good to you if he's mad at you.

I would just wait it out. Tell him you want him there, and then drop it. If he's a responsible person, he will do what is right and move back.

If he doesn't then maybe you should re-evaluate your relationship with him. Honestly, if he truelly cared for you and your child, he would come back.

You have a great support unit there for you. Having the father would be great, but know that you CAN do it alone if he's not willing to step up to the plate. A lot of women do it.

Best of luck hon.

Answer 3

I would not personally contact her unless you think she has no idea about the situation prior to this. If you just want to shed some light on the subject and get her opinion, she might be able to talk some sense into that hard head of his. But if she has prior knowledge of the pregnancy and his not wanting to be with you in your enviornment, then I would just leave it be. He is obviously not ready for this. I know that is no excuse, but maybe things will change when the baby comes. Your right, you do need to be with your family. They are atleast there for you. Remember this, you don't need no man to help you raise your child. Plenty of women have done it alone before you and so will many more after you. Don't let him know that you need him, it might only push him away farther. When the baby comes, and if he is still being a retard about it, take his *** to court for child support. good luck in whatever you do. And congrats on your pregnancy!!!!

Answer 4

You don't say if you know his mom, but it sounds as if you have never met her (you got his home phone from the internet?)

I would call just to let her know that you are expecting, in case he has not told her, and that she is going to be a grandmother. Nothing more.

Although it takes two to tango, you BF has made it pretty clear that he isn't interested in fatherhood. You cannot make him support you in person or get his mom to talk sense to him. All you can do is make sure that he is legally responsible for any child care expenses.

I definitely would not move away from your support network, unless your BF is proposing marriage, and even then I would worry about his level of maturity to be a good husband and father.

Answer 5

It's obvious that he ran home because he can't deal with the idea of parenthood, I truly don't believe that telling his mother is going to make any difference in how he feels.

If his mother is aware, she has probably decided to stay out of it, which is what I would do too. She knows what is right and wrong but would really be doing her son a disservice if she went around telling him what to do. How would he ever develop and make good choices and decisions without the benefit of learning from his mistakes?

You either have to discuss this matter with him and come to some sort of agreement about what the two of you will do or you have to drop it. You (hopefully) are adults and will have to work it out amongst yourselves without bringing others into it.

Answer 6

I was going to say yes its okay to call her until I read some of the responses.

Im in agreement with the fact that you can't make him want to be around and be there for you and the baby. Even if his mother does influence him to come back, he still needs to come around on his own. Don't go behind his back and talk to her without telling him because he will feel betrayed and it will make your relationship shaky. If he wants to be a selfish *** hole then let him be. God will take care of you, just pray about it.
Trust me he'll feel like **** if he misses the birth of his baby. and Im sure his mother would be upset about it also, being that she will be a grandparent. He'll come around but definitely don't force it. Some men are just like that. I wish you the best. and don't worry yourself, you've done enough by telling him how you feel. Now the rest is out of your hands. If he truly loves you, then he'll see that he is wrong and he will come back.

Answer 7

No! YOu are 2 adults that are having a baby. What do you think his mother is going to do, force him to move back in with you? Tell him you are staying where you are, and back off. Either he will come around or he won't.

Answer 8

In this extreme situation it's okay to call mother. It's her grandchild you are carrying. Also, you need her on your side, and she could be a wonderful resource for you thru your pregnancy and as a young mother.

Now, it could backfire on you and she could decide to cuss you out and be hateful, so be ready for that. but I predict she'll ride her son's *** and tell him to step up to the plate and be a man.

Answer 9

screw everyone who thinks this is a bad idea. It is her grandchild, and you need all the emotional support you can get at this point. Maybe she can give you a better insight as to why this was his reaction to your pregnancy. I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 10

I would just let him stay home with mommy and after you give birth go and suehim for child suupport.
You can't make him stay with you. Look you want to be with your family and he wants to be with his when really you both should want to be with one another in your own place and that would solve it all.