Sunday Sept. 30th, My friend Kerri lost her life. She was only 16 years old. Im going to the veiwing/visitation today. I have meet her mom a couple of times, but didnt know her very well. I cant even imagine what this must be like for her parents. When I see them tonight, I have no idea what to say. I imagine that there is no words that can make them fell better at this time. So I was wondering what should I say to them, I dont want to say the wrong thing. Then again I dont think I should not say nothing at all. Thanks for all advice guys.
2007-10-03 05:11:43 · 15 answers · asked by na 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
My son died in '89. I HATED it when people said "I'm sorry" or "At least he's not suffering any more" He was only 3 months old! How was he suffering you know?
I would say something like how nice, or kind, or beautiful, or wonderful she was. Tell her that she is missed. I know the parents are going through a rough time. Sometimes the best thing to say really is nothing just a heartfelt hug can work wonders. Don't say "time heals all wounds" I hate that. Oh and don't say "God works in mysterious ways or God had a plan". Or "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" I HATED THAT. I think my son's death did kill a part of me. I have a little boy now [born after my son's death] and he's 9 and every night I go in and check on him still. Just to make sure he's breathing. I've done it every single night of his life and will until he moves out.
I think that the mother can lead you in what she wants to hear. Maybe she doesn't want to hear anything. I didn't . A hug or roses or a card works wonders. It really does. There isn't a thing you can say that will make them feel better. You can tell the parents that if they ever want to talk you are there for them.
Do you have a lot of pictures of her? Maybe you can give them some in a pretty way. Like a memorial.
I don't really know the answer to this because everyone grieves differently. I don't know the parents, obviously, but I can imagine this is the hardest thing they'll ever go through.
Is there siblings? Maybe you can help out with them, give them a hand to hold, a shoulder to lean on. Just a face to talk to.
I hope things work out ok. I'm glad to see that you are concerned. You sound like a good person. Always remember Kerri as the person who was your good friend. It's very hard to lose a friend.
2007-10-03 05:31:01 · answer #1 · answered by musicpanther67 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As horrible as it may be to loose a daughter, you have lost a friend as well and I am truly sorry for your loss. Loosing somebody so young is usually harder than seeing maybe an elderly person or somebody that has been ill go. We are just never prepared for the shock. I worked at a high school for 7 years and we lost a very young student to Leukemia and a few years later another student to a tragic car accident. It was really hard being at their funerals.
You can say to them "Mr, Mrs. ___, your daughter was a great person and will be truly missed. If there is anything me or my family can do, please let us know" and you can follow that up with a visit sometime later. You can also give them a card with yours and your parents names, phone and address. That way they know they can call and talk and reminisce about Kerri. Remembering "old times" is a great way to mourn.
2007-10-03 05:35:05 · answer #2 · answered by texicangirl 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
my 17 year old friend died about 2 years ago next month. what can ya say? well, how about how you feel, honestly. tell them you are so sorry for their loss and that you will miss their daughter very much. tell them how you have such good memories with her and how much she will be missed by you and those around you. tell them she was a wonderful girl and that if they ever need anything or if they ever want to look at pics you have or hear stories about their daughter your only a phone call away.
its so hard for parents to lose a child, but whats crazy is in all of their grief they are thinking how sweet it is that their daughter had so many special loving friends who cared for her, and i know it makes them feel good to see you all there, and loving and celebrating their child
im sorry for your loss, i have lost 3 young friends in the past few years and i know it can be hard and diffacult to understand. you can message me if you ever need to talk
rest in peace kerri
2007-10-03 08:58:11 · answer #3 · answered by thischick 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, I'm sorry that your friend died.
You just say to her mom that your sorry. But also mothers and fathers never get tired of hearing about their children and what kind of an influence they've been on others. They want to be reassured that their child will never be forgotten. You probably have lots of stories to tell about your friend, things that her mom has never heard before, innocent "secrets", etc. You can share those memories with her mom. Also, you can get her to talk about her daughter. If she cries, say nothing, just let her, as much as she needs and wants to.
The sites below are for families who have had a child die, of any age from any cause. The Phoenix site in particular has a page of information for friends who don't know what to say.
2007-10-03 08:10:24 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just say what you feel, when I was 18 I lost 2 very close friends back to back one whose parents I've known all my life and one whose parents I hardly knew. All you can do is tell them that you cared for her and she was a wonderful person and that if they ever need anything you and your family are there for them. Sometimes families who lose children of that age enjoy spending time with that child's friends, hearing stories and laughing and just celebrating her memory and her life. And your right there are no words to make things better, but there are words that can help sooth there broken hearts.
2007-10-03 09:12:32 · answer #5 · answered by bella_babe_86 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with The Phantom. I lost my beautiful sister last year at the young age of 18. There are no words to tell you how devastating this has been. What my mom and I liked the most were the stories her friends shared with us. Nothing you say, as her friend, will be wrong as long as it comes from the heart.
2007-10-03 09:01:30 · answer #6 · answered by Holly 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry for the loss of you friend. I would just tell them that you are very sorry for their loss and maybe say something positive about how their daughter was, what you liked about her..something along those lines. It's so sad how many young ppl are dying. My sister is only 16 too and has lost 4 friends in 2 years.
2007-10-03 05:16:37 · answer #7 · answered by pookiesmom 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Do not say she's in a better place or that it was for a reason. This is not what the parents want to hear right now.
Say you are sorry for their loss and if there is anything you can do to let you know at any time.
2007-10-03 05:15:51 · answer #8 · answered by lillilou 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
sometimes, the best thing to do is just say nothing at all. you can't really say I know it must be hard... or if theres anything I can do.... Because you don't know how hard it is, and there isn't anything you can do. Just go to pay your respects and say goodbye to her. If you do come into contact with her parents a simple hug would be the best thing. Remember you are there to celebrate her life, not to grieve about it. Know that she is amongst you still and in a far better place than we are.
2007-10-03 05:20:28 · answer #9 · answered by peyton31602 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
In the Catholic Faith, you could now not need to uncover her an extra since we feel that that God-mum or dad is in Heaven then interceding for her and that's rather what a God-mum or dad is approximately -- her spirituality
2016-09-05 16:06:34 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋