If you met the person you believed was the one..and they were married ...would it stop you?

Question

As you can tell from the question thats the situation i believe i'm in. I'm not sure i can live with myself if i break up his relationship but equally if i just let him go i'm not sure i could forgive myself either.

Answer 1

Yes it would stop me. don't mess up that marriage. Leave it alone. Find someone that is not married. Have a some respect.

Answer 2

Yes, because you're life is not just about you. Its also (I would argue MOSTLY) about those around you. Your family especially.

I turned my back on this exact situation which you are describing because the alternative was not acceptable. If I had chosen to go, I would have destroyed 4 lives plus my own, and ultimately, the new relationship because my guilt would have been all consuming.

If you proceed, you must be prepared for the massive fallout. If you feel you might not be able to deal with this hugely stressful situation, then I would advise against it. Your new relationship could crumble under the weight of the previous one.

Let go of the idea that "love conquers all." It does not. COMPASSION conquers all. And if you have compassion for this guy and his family you will seriously seriously rethink your idea.

The "pit of my stomach gut feeling" on this is that you should let this guy go. My sense is you'd be doing everyone involved and potentially involved a huge favor.

Good luck on this.

Answer 3

If he is the one, and fate has it we are meant to be together, I would just wait. If he is really meant for me, then he'll get a divorce without me meddling in the relationship, because, if I am the one, his wife is obviously NOT the one, and won't be able to hold him for long.

Sometimes we meet the right people, but the timing is not the best. Think about it, why would it not be a good moment? Do you have issues to sort out before you start a relationship with the one? Depression, anger, guilt, anything you could do while you wait for her? We don't want you breaking this marriage, and then having this relationship not work because you're screwed up on the inside...

Answer 4

Yes, stop and move on unless you want to be a " homewrecker " and always be known as such by any and everyone. It's a title you will always carry with you.

In addition, karma is a b*tch, it has it's way to come around and bite you in the butt.

So, have some respect for yourself and alot more respect for the marriage this person has with someone because i'm sure if the shoe was on the other foot (yours) you wouldn't like some woman to be lingering around your marriage and creating havoc.

Answer 5

They are not "the one" if they are already married. You will be wondering if he cheats on you like he cheated on his first wife.
That is quite a dishonest way to begin a relationship that should be based on trust. Be a real woman and stay away from other's husbands. I am sure your lover is quite a different man at home (both good and bad) than he is with you. But remember, be careful what you wish for...you just might get it!

Answer 6

Let's reverse the role: if you were married and someone were in love with your spouse, would you appreciate it if they persisted in their efforts?

Marriage is an eternal commitment to love, honor and be faithful. Why would you compromise this bond?

Right now you have a lot of feelings and emotions standing in your way. Don't fool yourself into thinking that you could not forgive yourself if you let him go. He's not yours to have in the first place. You WILL get over it. I know it's easier said than done, but it needs to happen.

Look elsewhere - he's spoken for.

Answer 7

You need to let him go. You are playing a seriously dangerous game. People can get physically and emotionally hurt. If he is cheating on his WIFE with you, what do you think your worth is in his book? Not much.

I feel sorry for his poor wife. I pray her cheating husband doesn't bring her any VD's because I'm quite sure he is sleeping with other women other than yourself.

Play it SMART, PLAY it SAFE. Don't settle for less. Find a man that will commit to you and only you. There are good ones out there.

Good Luck

Answer 8

You never mess with a married man. He has a wife and kids and 90% of the time he is using you for sex. You will end up broken hearted. If he does leave his family you will always be known as the other woman who stole daddy!!
And he will more then likely do the same to you later on down the road.

Answer 9

First off, he's somebody else's "the one" so technically he can't be your "the one" because then he'd have "the two" and you really aren't wanting to be second to "the one" are you?

Second off, people who engage an "other" while committed are liars. Period. How can you call someone "the one" who is a liar? What kind of standards are you setting for yourself? Don't you think you deserve someone who understands committment and honesty?

Third, whatever you think about this person is a sham; it is EASY to project a persona to someone you only see occasionally. His wife knows him like you do not; she sees him when he's angry, depressed, stupid, ugly etc. You only see him when he's ready and made up to be seen. He can "be" whoever he wants to be around you and you think that's someone worthy of your emotions? Being in love is an intoxicating thing and that's because you only get the best of that person. The true test is when you are "stuck" with that person and you see what's not so nice about them and love them anyway. You THINK you feel like that but you don't KNOW. He's already been his real self with his wife before you ever came along. What you think you love isn't who he really is.

Fourth, you can't "break up his marriage". Only he and his wife can do that. You can only inject a lot of complications into it. If he really wanted to be with you, it would be because his marriage was ready to be broken anyway and he'd STILL have to break it up himself. The statistics aren't on your side either; something like 95% of affairs end shortly after the marriage breaks up. You're just a bit of "happy" during a storm, you're not the savior of something "bad". Being a band-aid isn't fun. You sell yourself short and end up hurt. No matter what you think or what he says, that's reality.

Stop dousing yourself in a fantasy. Reality will only hurt more when it finally hits you.

Last, if you REALLY "love" him, you wouldn't want to do anything that will bring him hurt. Trying to break up his marriage will very much hurt him. It doesn't matter if he's ready to get divorced or walk away from his wife on his own - you meddling will cause dissension and pain to people he cares about. Do you honestly think he cares absolutely NOTHING for his wife? Dont' be ridiculous! Unless he's a totally unfeeling bastard (and why would you love someone who is that!) he doesn't want to hurt his wife at all. You meddle in his relationship, you will hurt his wife and kids. That's a large reason why adulterers do not end up marrying (or staying married) to their affair partners. I wouldn't have anything to do with someone who hurt people I care about. Why would he? If he were to meddle in YOUR family, cause pain and grief to your loved ones, would you still "love" him?

Answer 10

No affair ends well, it's as simple as that. If he's The One, he will make the choice to be with you. He will leave his situation in order to do this. If he is not The One, he will string you along with excuses as to why he cannot or will not leave his wife. It is easy to become confused in this situation so you must have a clear head. If he is not The One, you will in short time although it may not seem like it, get over him and your present state of mind.