How do I heal from being alienated from my children?

Question

too long of a story, and much too depressing...Due to some real screwed up people,and a judicial system that will rewards narcs, He was allowed to take my children far away,It took me time to find them, when I did, the children vehemently refused to have anything to do with me,saying only that "someting bad would happen'.. 9 years later, and i still don't understand...
i didn't have the money to continue to fight, so i sent word that when the children were old enough, they knew where to find me. recently, i found my daughter online,i tried to communicate with her, letting her know how much love her and miss her, that i didn't understand what i had done to make her dispise me so.... her reply-a wedding picture and a headline ' I have every thing i need.' i sent another message,
congratulating her , sending well wishes,trying to accept her decision, though, i was devestated because i thought she would want to see me again.

her reply-headline read don't worry about people in your past,they didn't make it to you future for a reason', I KNOW I did nothing to make them feel this way.and i know thier father never intended to for me to be in thier future, that he was seeing another woman throug-out the 17 year nightmare i tried to bring my children out of.
how does a mother who desperately loves her children reguardless,deal with the immense pain that comes from worrying about them and missing them.going to them will provoke thier father to do 'something bad' to me...

no, drugs, i was clean, i was 14 when he came into my life, so much for haveing my eyes open,prayer, been doing that,she knows my side of the story, remember he had friends in the police dept.

i know i wasn't perfect,and every mother does something that thier children wont like, but i did nothing to deserve this.had i done something so bad, it would be easier to deal with

Answer 1

I am sorry. This is a sad thing to have to deal with. The only thing you can do is to write her an e-mail telling her how sorry you are things turned out the way they did.
Wish her a long happy life and, hope that she never has to go through the things you have. Your husband must have said some really bad things about you all these years and there is nothing you can do but, be honest with her. Someday he will have to stand before God and, explain way he did what he did......God bless and good luck

Answer 2

"Due to some real screwed up people,and a judicial system that will rewards narcs, He was allowed to take my children far away"

So you were into drugs? By the sounds of it you are still not accepting any responsibility so maybe it's for the best that you get yourself help before you try and get your children back into your life. If they are grown they have the decision to see you or not. You will have to live with it. Sometimes bad choices we make effect the rest of our lives. There is nothing we can do or say to make your children want to spend time with you. Especially if we don't know what the story is.

Answer 3

The only thing you can do, is keep a paper trail of all that was done on your part to be in there lives. Do not bad mouth the mother who has been there, just explain how you missed them, and that you love them, and when and if they need you, in anyway, you will be there.
There is a lot of pain in this family, and your children are the only ones that matter. What you have went through is nothing to what they have lived through. Do what is best for them, and continued to love them.

Answer 4

It is a heartbreaking situation all around. The relationship, for whatever reason, is severed, and it might take years for that rift to heal, if it can.

All you can do is be there like you said, and be open to hearing from them if they ever do change their mind.

It would be wise to spend time in reflection, maybe keeping a journal throughout the time, about why "they" said this happened, and your own perceptions of it, as well as exploring what you possibly could have done differently yourself to achieve a different outcome.

It seems as though there is a disconnect somewhere.

Lately I have observed several cases in Family Court, and it seems to me that the judges, the guardians ad litem, the juvenile officers and case workers all strive to be extremely fair, but in the end they have to do what they feel is in the best interest of the children, which at times has meant terminating parental rights.

There is always someone who doesn't like their decisions.

Answer 5

coaching a toddler blatant and insulting lies as fact, and the notice of a sky bully, is morally and ethically incorrect. not that a backward self-discipline like christianity would comprehend morals. Atheists have faith babies should not be raised with the ideals of their mothers and fathers. babies could be stated each attitude and be allowed to make up their own minds. Atheists specially take concern with creationism being offered as technological understanding decrease than a pretend pretense. Creationism isn't technological understanding. subsequently ninety 9.8 p.c. of scientists settle for evolution, besides as maximum functional religious human beings. Forcing a faith on a toddler from delivery is tantamount to psychological toddler abuse. Mutilating a toddler's genitals to delight god is sickening. Telling a toddler that a mystical dictator interior the sky is gazing in any respect cases and in the event that they don't persist with the despicable morals in a 2000 3 hundred and sixty 5 days old e book they are going to be tortured for ever. That motives trauma and brainwashes babies. Is coaching them scientific consensuses not greater useful. Telling them that they are unfastened to have faith those products in the event that they like, yet giving them good judgment and reason, to be waiting to view this nonsense objectively.

Answer 6

I feel for your loss, but you cannot have been entirely blameless. You went into the relationship with your ex with your eyes open and when things began to go south on you, there must have been some indication that he wasn't going to let you win in the end. Unfortunately, you didn't prepare for war before you alienated him and that was your downfall. Your children will seek you out in the end; you just have to be in a place where you can receive them warmly and have a succinct explanation and apology for your absence. Then, move on and try and make amends with your new family: your grandchildren!

Answer 7

Prayer! Because the bible teaches us that the Lord Bless those that honor there parents! Meaning she's violating his teachings and so are the other children! Pray for them and ask Christ to keep them safe from harm! Take and print the wedding picture out and put it in the Bible next to that passage of the 10 commandments because they are going to need those prayers violating them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! God Bless and Good Luck!

Answer 8

How very sad. Sounds like their dad poisoned them against you. If you can send another message, write a long letter and tell how you have felt about the whole mess and give your side of it all. Then at least she will have heard your side.

Answer 9

Life sucks sometimes.... Rely on your religon and your belief of God will help you through this terrible situation. My prayers and best wishes are with you...

Answer 10

Your ex has evidently filled your children's heads with lies about you and they believe him.......I would keep trying to get in touch with your children....NOBODY....I mean NOBODY would ever come between my kids and I. Don't give up the faith...it is possible that your kids will one day realize the brainwashing they got from their father and will want to make contact with you.