ok, so where should i start? been with this guy for over a year now- eveything's been perfectly fine with us... moved in together after 3 months when we met, settled down quickly, got a dog and lived happy 'little family' life....
it's all started like a few months ago when i found out he keeps checking my phone, emails and stuff... i asked him is that just cos he doent trust me or something? he swears that he does trust me and just being stupid...
since then so much changed- i keep getting crushes on other people (which is bad- i know) and don't fancy him that much... sex life changed a lot as well...
does that something to do with age gap? im 20 he's 33?
dont know what to think.... get my own flat and keep seeing him? end everything just now?
any advice appreciated...
and how to take a break without moving out? he's gonna go mad...
plus im scared to leave him.... last time he split up with his girlfriend he tried to kill himself...
2007-10-03 02:42:48 · 24 answers · asked by Laura J 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
no, we are not married...
2007-10-03 07:11:00 · update #1
It has nothing to do with age. It has to do with poor judgement! This is why you don't lay down with someone before you really know them and you certainly don't move in with them until you KNOW them. Tell him you are moving out because you have come to your senses and now know you did things way too fast. If he takes this fairly well then continue to see him and take things a little slower. If it doesn't work, killing himself is on him not you (by the way, he won't do it) With the next guy take things very slow so you aren't in another mess.
2007-10-03 02:56:11 · answer #1 · answered by kitkat 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its emotionally exhausting living with someone who is clearly not 100% mentally. He would love to trust you but he is scared to. He can't handle rejection either but if he decides to kill himself then that is his choice and he has the right to make that choice - but you should never feel guilty about it - afterall, you didn't 'make' that happen. I personally don't think this is a healthy relationship at all. As I said, he isn't totally well and as such, isn't capable of having a proper relationship at this time. You are a lot younger than him and that worries me too. I always think men who go for women a lot younger are the type that need emotional control. The fact that you are getting crushes on other people is your brain telling you what it could be like if you get away from this guy - the freedom to choose a better partner for yourself or at least play the field until you are ready to settle down. If I must be brutal it would be to say that you should get your own place and break it off with him. He has too many issues for you to successfully deal with and he needs to sort himself out first.
2007-10-03 16:09:44 · answer #2 · answered by AUNTY EM 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Im 20 and im with a 30 year old and I think he keeps checking my phone as well. I want sex all the time and he has totally gone off it. The thing you've got to ask yourself is, do you love him? Maybe the relationship was based around infatuation? Sometimes that can happen and you think you love the person but in actual fact you dont. Its happened to me before and you definately can't make it work. Has he changed something about his appearance that you dont like? Put on a lot of weight? Sometimes this can also put you off a partner. A 'break' means to be away from the person for a while, men hate this word as they think it means to split up forever (used it before) so I advise that you use your words wisely. If he is mentally unstable, thats not your problem, he must seek help-its not normal to want to kill yourself after a relationship-you are devastated obviously but you dont think that far. You have to be open with him and tell him how you feel. After all, you deserve to be happy and if its not him, then hes going to have to go
2007-10-03 09:54:41 · answer #3 · answered by Kristen W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is probly going through your phone b/c of the age difference the older you are the more paranoid you get your partner is going to cheat or is cheating. When he is looking he is looking to satisfy his curiosity. YOu can take a break while you live 2gether but it's not going to be easy and he will get more controlling over you if he is already doing that kind of stuff. You moved in to fast and now you want to be free cus your young and it's totaloly understandble. He shouldn't put that whole i'm going to kill myself if you leave on you and why would he do that? For attention tell him he is the 33 yr old not the 20 yr old. If your not happy get out and if you don't want to deal w/ the crap of him saying dumb **** to you move when he isn't there and leave a dear john letter.....
2007-10-03 09:51:23 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you no longer wish to commit yourself into this relationship do him a favor and leave. Don't give him false hope by asking for a break. It could be his neediness lead him to be suspicious and this has turned you off. He obviously has insecurity issues that he needs to work on. If you have any hope of working on this relationship, why not talk to him first before making a decision for a break? Tell him how you are feeling right now, let him know you are concerned about the relationship and if he is willing suggest couples counselling. Now a days young people walk away from a relationship so easy without first working on it. If you do decide to end it, do so, don't stay out of pity, it is not fair to him. Ask his close friends and family to keep a special eye out for him when you do leave. My best wishes on whatever you decide to do.
2007-10-03 10:47:45 · answer #5 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi.
moving in after knowing someone for just three months was the first mistake, hon. it takes a good YEAR to get to know someone... and those whose relationships do make it when they move so fast are just fortunate i guess?
move out... get your own place... live your own life!
if the guy tried to kill himself last time he split up with a girlfriend, it was because he has OTHER underlying psychological problems -- it wasn't simply because of the girlfriend leaving -- suicidal people have other, deeper issues... which were brewing for a long time...
and he doesn't trust you anyway. otherwise he wouldn't be snooping into your telephone, emails.
and yes he IS stupid.
take care of YOU
2007-10-03 09:48:47 · answer #6 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you attracted to drama or what? First off you moved in entirely toooooooooooo soon, you didn't even know the guy but you knew enough to know that you had the writing on the door that he was a little bugged out when he tried to kill himself over his last girlfriend! Start looking for you a place and move out while he's at work and then after you finally move out explain to thim that you just want to be friends and that you think this is best because your uncomfortable and you think you made a fast decision over night by moving in with him! He's really not for you because he has issues that has nothing to do with you but sweetheart you are certainly adding to it at this point with the drama!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Your maturity doen't really seem to be up for me to comment any further but I can help you further if you get out this situation! Good Luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Let him deal with his life and find his own way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2007-10-03 09:56:42 · answer #7 · answered by rita_hiemy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
'you need to ask yourself if you are completely happy to stay with this man if this is how he is making you feel. Personnally I think you moved in too soon. You are only 20 and have your whole life ahead of you. I think you should move out, maybe if you still want to keep seeing him, but keep it casual. Dont rush into anything too serious straight away.
If then you are happy to move forward into something more serious with this guy, then go for it. But if he is still making you feel the way you describe, its best for both of you that you finish it now. If he tried to kill himself before, you cant stay with him for that reason alone! Thinkgs will get much worse the longer it goes on. Talk to his friends and family about it if your able to and get them to support him.
Good luck!!
2007-10-03 09:49:26 · answer #8 · answered by LYNN S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems as though he has a few issues. First of all, he doesn't trust you. Second of all, he doesn't know how to deal with breakups. Maybe you didn't really get to know the real him until now. Ask him what's up, and have a long talk with him about why he doesn't trust you and why the relationship is going downhill. If you feel that you need to break up with him, go ahead. Just tell him simply that you need a break from dating (him). If he tries to kill himself, you guys need to seek a counselor or a psychiatrist to deal with his problems.
2007-10-03 09:47:14 · answer #9 · answered by julia 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sad to say you moving in with him so soon is has alot to do with this situation. If you would of dated a little longer you would of knew more about his ways and you may have also realized you actually liked other people. But while you were supposed to be dating you where living together and playing house.
I wish I had an answer for you but you are young and we all learn from our mistakes. I hope everything works out.
2007-10-03 09:57:15 · answer #10 · answered by My Three 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋