Hypothetically: you have two choices.
1. You meet a man who has not been in your life very long, but you know his is a man who is calm, steady and reliable. There's not much "excitement" but he is safe and he loves you and you love him.
2. A man who you have loved for years, but who hurt you. A man who, after you left him, decided to make drastic changes in his life and become a new man who wants you back and wants a family with you. There was plenty of excitement and fun, but you're not sure if you could ever really feel emotionally "safe" with him.
Would you give the #2 guy another chance and see what happens, or stick with the contentment and safety of #1?
2007-10-03 02:33:32 · 24 answers · asked by Mel 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'd say to let go of both of them. You don't seem ready to make a decision and stringing #1 along while you figure out if you're ready to commit fully to him isn't fair. #2 will always be your ideal - Women seem to fall head over heels for the "Bad Guys", and you will never forget him, but he did hurt you. He will not be the new man you want him to be because he hasn't changed.... he's realizing what he's lost. #1 will never hurt you, never cheat, never leave and always love you for you. He's the smart choice, but you have to take the time out to figure it out for yourself. Always go with your gut....
Good Luck!
2007-10-03 03:23:02 · answer #1 · answered by Elizabeth L 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Everyone makes mistakes in this life and learns from them as I am sure you have. We change and all want to be forgiven. When you talk to the old guy that you loved for so long, do you see a change in him or is it just words? Is he patient with you about things and are you still friends? Do you get the feeling that he really does care about you. The more you love someone the more it hurts when something bad happens. People do change and if you think, if that painful part of your relationship wasn't there that you and he would have been the perfect couple, then maybe the changes in his life would make the relationship what you both want. I don't think someone should stay in a relationship becasue it feels safe and they don't want to get hurt again. That would be awfully boring and very unfilfilling. It may seem ok now,,,but then again, does it really? I was talking about this subject today with a lady I know who is about 75 years old. She said she would never be happy with just the safe and content feeling. She would defintiely wnat a more fulfilling realationship,one that is exciting and offered the things she wanted in life. She has been through these relatiosnhips many times in her life and feels that people do change and if you really enjyed your life with them, its definitely worth giving it a chance. You will have bad stuff with new guy too. All relationships go through bad stuff and the old guy has already demonstrated his love for you and how much he wants you by the changes he has made. It sounds like you and the old guy really had alot going for you. I personally think I would want love and excitement. Being with someone that really made life fun and it sounds like he could make oyu feel the emotional safety now if oyu gave him a chance. We all know that through bad things really great ones are created. It could be the greatest love story ever if you gave him a chance to prove it. If you were willing and wanted it, you would trust again and the love would be so much better with someone you loved and were great friends with.
2007-10-03 08:54:36 · answer #2 · answered by The Wižard 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would go with 2, you will get bored with 1 and eventually cheat on him with 2, plus if 2 has made the effort to change and you love him, why not give it a shot, you will probably think about it and regret it if you dont. Im sure 1 will be waiting for you if 2 doesnt work out. Just keep 1 around as a friend, you both are probably better friends than lovers anyway.
2007-10-03 03:03:22 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would give guy #2 another chance particularly if he is your husband. Everyone through the years make mistakes, but depending on the mistake is your call. Guy #1 is new and you don't know him that well yet. He could turn out to be something you don't want and I certainly wouldn't end my marriage/relationship for a guy who you hardly know and is already not exciting. That would get old real quick. Maybe Guy one and two aren't right, how bout looking for a #3.
2007-10-03 03:19:01 · answer #4 · answered by Maria 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
1. Is way too boring, not worth bothering with. Some other woman can have him.
2. May or may not have changed, but he wants a family? Screw that. Some other woman can have him. My uterus is not a housing unit. Besides, if you don't feel safe with him, what's the point?
In short, ditch 'em both and look behind door number 3!
2007-10-03 02:48:17 · answer #5 · answered by some female 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
#1,but FIRST I would sit and tell him your true feelings . Tell him you want& need some excitment,fun,spotunatey in both of your lives.
As for # 2 if you choose him the fun and excitment doesn't last for-ever.So what you need to do is look inside yourself and ask which man do you Love and could be Happy with for the rest of your life.
2007-10-03 04:23:00 · answer #6 · answered by vetteangel01 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As women, the one thing we crave and need the most is to feel secure. Security is our number one need and most of us would choose number one over number two if given a choice. Why? Because number one will give you the security you so desparately need to feel safe in this world - number two will not - giving him another chance would cause nothing but insecurity as you will be waiting for the other "shoe" to drop.
So, which would you rather have more - security or chaos?
2007-10-03 02:43:42 · answer #7 · answered by Stefka 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've been down this road and it is very very hard. I think that in the long run #2 is going to be the person who makes you happy. God teaches us to forgive and we need to remember that, especially in our relationships. People need to realize that for better or worse means just that. If you have feelings in your heart for this person #2, then go for it. Set some rules, set some guidelines and let him know that although you have forgiven him, it is not a card to take advantage of you. If he really and truly loves you , he will do WHATEVER it takes to keep you.
2007-10-03 03:21:34 · answer #8 · answered by Kimpossible 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
# 1
2007-10-03 02:38:32 · answer #9 · answered by ladybug 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stick with number 1, I married mine and been together for 12 years now. Number 2 hurt you!!
2007-10-03 02:38:24 · answer #10 · answered by ♥kazzalou♥ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋