Not attracted to hubby anymore?

Question

My hubby cheated on me but refused said nothing happened just talked ever since then i have lost my trust in him. I dont want to have sex with him no longer attracted to him when making love I do not feel that passion anymore love him load want to keep my mariage but its tearing us apart please help me to put the passion back into our relationship and for me to enjoy lovemaking with him I love him dont want anyone else

Answer 1

I highly suggest you see a marriage counselor. Possibly a sex therapist as well. I think you have some obstacles to overcome before you can feel the passion again. I wish you both the best of luck!

Answer 2

If you can ever get over the fact that you think he has been unfaithful then the only way you can return is to find out from him what he was looking for, what it is he thought was missing from your relationship and try and see if there is anyway to reproduce that between you.Trouble is a lot of us Men have affairs because we can, i.e the opportunity was there and hard to refuse. Once this has been done it becomes even easier the second and subsequent times no reason for it just Lust our sexual urges in the main are no different to animals and all the conventions in the world of faithfulness and marriage wont stop that even priests give in to these urges so what chance have ordinary men got.
Sorry this might not be what you wanted to hear but it is honest and if you think of all the famous people with a lot to loose like Clinton John Major and Hugh Grant to name only three loo at what they have risked all in the name of Lust and sexual urges.
Best of luck and only by talking finding what if anything was the problem and coming to some sort of compromise can things return as they were.

Answer 3

You are still devastated by what has happened and there is every reason to feel like this. The hurt, the anger, the pain and most of all, when you sleep together, you keep imagining them together therefore, you havent forgiven him and why should you? Its a difficult thing and I can imagine it being very hard for you. Remember, trust takes time to gain back, he has to realise that hes got a lot of making up to do before things in the bedroom start happening. Talk to him and tell him how you feel, that he has hurt the relationship in such a way and emphasise that its going to take time. A relationship counsellor?? Yes definately, if you want to keep the marriage which you obviously do, I think you two will benefit loads from it. Keep your chin up.

Answer 4

I find it unimaginable that you're going to follow his lead and pretend like nothing happened. You say he cheated as though it is a fact, but if you can act as though it did not, it makes me think you must not be sure. A certain destroyer of passion is lingering anger and resentment. It is practically impossible to get rid of those feelings, which cheating causes, unless your husband, the person who did you wrong, admits what he did, sincerely apologizes, and explains to your satisfaction why it's not going to happen again and what he's going to do to prevent it. Unless you are superhuman, I just don't see how you can get your passionate lovemaking back without those minimal steps being taken.

Answer 5

Because you love him so much you are very very hurt. There are only two ways
1. You stay and try to forgive him (and forget) and both work on making your marriage as it was.
2. If you can't do one, then it's a useless case.

Good luck

I would advise trying No.1 at least for a while. The heart can heal with time, who knows you may find your are happier and enjoy sex more once you let go of the gremlins.

Answer 6

This is my opinion, if this was the only time that he has cheated then get over it, but never forget it. Let him know that you do not appreciate being cheated on and it bothers you. Find out why he cheated and see if there is something you can do to prevent it from happening again. Plan a romantic night out with everything that use to make being with your husband romantic. Once the air is clear then the passion should come back and be more embracing then ever.

Good Luck

Answer 7

If you love him; then thats all you need. If he denied cheating then he isnt ready to leave the relationship either. You need to have a little escape. See if the two of you can get some time alone, lock yourselves in the house for the weekend or take a holiday to a romantic place, if you can afford it. but spend some time thinking about and reliving the things that made you fall in love in the first place.
You are just feeling angry and betrayed, if you love him... you have to let these feelings go. You dont have to forget, but you have to put it to the side and decide whats most important to you.
Get out some paper and write down all the little things you love about him, the cute little things he does, and the most thoughtful things he has done for you.
Remind yourself WHY you love him. then take yourself out and clean yourself up. make sure you are taking care of you. feeling good about yourself is optimum, if you love yourself and you feel like you look your best, you will feel more inclined to have those romantic urges.
Unclutter your life, your desk ,your house, your car, and get rid of any useless items. Cleaning, cleansing, and starting fresh are important in uncluttering your mind and your marriage.

Answer 8

I can sympathise with this as I am kinda in a similar boat. I left my parnter of 2 yrs and met someone else straight away, was with the other guy for 2 months, kinda a rebound, although I am very fond of him. But I have come to realise I was stupid and want to be with my ex as we have our home, dogs etc and i do care about him. But i've lost all physical attraction with him, theres no passion there at all, i can't even bare for him to touch me at the moment. It's hell for him. I'm just trying to persevere, in my case i need to forget bout my other guy, and you need to forget bout the other woman if you really want to be with him. I know it's hard, but he's with you, and I think thats the attitude you need to take. That's the attitude my partner is taking now, and he has to if it's going to work. Try and create situations where the passion will come back. We had major money worries and I was ill etc, so we never had time for us. Make time for you, go for walks on the beach, do the romantic things you did when you first met, try rekindle the chemistry, the spark. If you still can't do it then I'm afraid to say that maybe it's time to accept that it isn't going to work. I know it sounds harsh, but I thin maybe thats sometimes the case with relationships. I know I love my partner, but not sure it's the right thing to do to be with him. Just got to try make it work. As I said, do the romantic gestures, force yourself to plan a special night together, just try not have any great expectations cos it's always disappointing if you expect too much and it doesn't happen.

Wish you all the best with it, just be patient and try realise that your husband has come back to you, its you he wants.

Answer 9

Honesty.

Trust.

If every time you go to make love there is another woman in the bed, you cannot get into it because her memory is haunting you.

How do you know he won't cheat again.

you first need to know that men are dogs .

a man will throw away good love for the hint of great or illicict sex.

you and him have to talk this out.
you tell him you don't want the other woman, or any women to come between you two.

he has to be willing not to cat around.

if he is, then you can rebuild the trust
from the trust will come the passion.

but you need to hear him out too.

sometimes men are just stupid and fall for a pretty girl's flirts.

sometimes men are mad at their wives and sleep around because they are mad, or hurt or rejected.

you two need to talk. that's a start.

don't cut him off till he's perfect.

you'll drive him to another woman's arms.

talk.

Oh, and it wouldn't hurt for both of you to read the bible and talk to God.

he made us.

he can help fix us.

blessings

frankie chocolate

Answer 10

You need to devote some time to this topic. First of all, ask yourself whether you had anything to do with his straying. For example, you might have refused sex when suggested,or teased him by saying that he is unattractive or mean or something like that, or just plain ignored him for some time.

It might have also happened that you neglected your appearances and behaved shabbily or dressed slovenly.

Marriage should not be made into a prison where you get trapped for a lifetime. It should be a joint journey. Mistakes are committed by human beings. If you are a housewife, it is probable that you might not realise the temptations a man is exposed to during his work days. Or it may that you are the one working and he also doesn't appreciate your troubles. One needs to make special efforts to be mutually understanding. Since your comments indicate that you do not entertain ideas of separation, forget the bitter incident and restart your life afresh.