if so why is it so exciting? my bf held me on top of him last time we had sex even though i said i did not feel comfortable...he said it turned him on the whole power thing why is it so exciting for a man to control a woman...obviously he's going to win he's 6 foot and muscular and im 5.2 and tiny but why did he get turned on so much by it...any ideas guys
2007-10-02 22:59:56 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Men's Health
There's no straighforward way of answering this question... because not all men are the same. Sure there are men who would be turned on by dominating you in bed, just as there are men who'd be turned on by YOU dominating THEM in bed. Every man is different... just as every woman is.
He got turned on purely because he felt he could do anything he wanted to you, whether you liked it, or not. As he said, it was a power trip for him.
The important thing here though, is mutual choice and respect. Which I don't feel happened here.
If you're not comfortable doing something with him, for ANY reason, then you should say "No!" and mean it. NO decent man should use his physical size, to dominate you against your will. For any reason. That's sexual abuse at best. At worst, it's rape.
Having said that, did you find him dominating you exciting? (I'm guessing you didn't enjoy the experience overmuch)
Does the idea - done on mutually agreed terms, beforehand - interest you? Because, being taken control of, believe it or not, is ultimately your choice. You call the shots. He has to respect your boundaries. Very different from what happened to you.
You let him know what things excite you beforehand, and discuss them... stating clearly what you WON'T accept. Maybe a little play-wrestling for example...
Now, if he continues to use his greater size and strength to get what HE wants, at YOUR expense, don't hesitate, and end that relationship there and then. For good. No real man, rides roughshod over a woman's feelings in bed. Only bullies do that.
If not, talk and keep talking before you end up in the bedroom.... and after! It can save a great deal of confusion, once you get there, and will give you a much better, happier and enjoyable sex life.
I wish you well... and hope that you have a great time doing, whatever it is, you wind up doing! *warm smile*
2007-10-03 00:09:07 · answer #1 · answered by Fluffy McNoo 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Actually you were in the control position as far as penetration and position. As for your partner could see more of you and to him (sight) and being able to touch more of you is an incredible turn-on.
In my opinion you should have a frank discussion with him and lay the cards on the table and tell him you felt physically or lovingly uncomfortable and why.
Possibly he was only trying to introduce something different.
You asked what guys think so here goes.
In my view it's important that your partner achieves her orgasm first by what ever method she pleases. As you age and become more mature I think of my wife's needs first. Simultaneous orgasms are tricky and can destroy the spontaneity of love making. It can be done but for that particular moment it should be something you both want. What's the damn rush? Someday he'll appreciate you more because he'll get more excited seeing you pleased more fully.
2007-10-03 05:09:22 · answer #2 · answered by Country Boy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lose the loser! If he goes ahead and does ANYTHING sexual after you say you are uncomfortable, he is an abuser, and it will only get worse with time. Most guys are not excited by hurting women -- find a man who will treat you lovingly, not like someone to control. This sort of thing is a big red flag in a relationship. Red, not yellow. Get out while you can.
2007-10-03 07:39:21 · answer #3 · answered by Maple 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Far too general of a question really. Simply because not all me and women are the same. My current "g/f" beats the hell out of me in bed. :( lol And asks me to choke her. I dont like it. But i compromise and do a gentle version of what she wants.
And i agree with Lester, perhaps he wasnt being dominant at that moment..., just trying something new, or hanging on to a "moment".
First and foremost, communicate your feelings. Sounds like you already did. Tell him as many times as it takes for him to understand your needs in this situation. DONT EVER ASSUME! Especially during sex when the ape juice is uh flowin.
Either way, as the novelty of 'sex' wears off, and the spirituality of 'love making' comes into the relationship (if the relationship is open enough and strong enough,)
the feeling of wanting to be solely dominant will probably disipate.
More shallow type men like to typically control physically. (the body)
Serious, or emotionally attached men tyically like to control "internally". Sending her to heaven....... 32 times. ;_)
2007-10-03 05:32:58 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear it is a question related sex so sorry bkz i have never did so. I have not any gud idea related to sex. I have heard if a man couldn't control a woman with sex then woman will run away with and be held to other person for sex.So it is a difficult root for control a woman on bed.You r lucy to held for sex by your boy friend and you have got some exeperience before marriage. Sex is a exciting for every man to control woman. I'm waiting for this opportunity in life
2007-10-02 23:21:22 · answer #5 · answered by hkg 2 · 0⤊ 5⤋
ok... im willing to tell my side, but i hope i dont offend you in some way...
first it is the nature of a guy like me to be dominant, whether it is about sex or not... you know the nature of competition is greater in guys right?
second, if we control the pace, we are more satistfied... right?
it is because guys "get to heaven" first before a lady does... and by controlling the pace, we could manipulate that fact... so a girl could "go to heaven" first before a guy does, or a guy "go to heaven" first, then finish the deed for her...
third, did you ever attempt to control him? your situation is much like me and my partner. im a BIG 5' 11'' guy (big as in big muscles, not fat) and my girl is a small 5' 1" model type girl... but in bed, we get to share the "dominating"...
i hope i helped you with that...
and i also hope i dont offend you in some way...
2007-10-02 23:17:35 · answer #6 · answered by anonymous 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Many men does - from my large experience (....) I would say that there is a natarual desire to control other people in men in general - but that the limit has to be clear and that from control (that should be consentual) to forcing someone is a very dangerous step bordering to rape...
2007-10-02 23:05:48 · answer #7 · answered by Doug Means 2 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Being dominant can be a turn on for men (and sometimes for women too)...but personally I like it to be equal between me and my gf.....Seeing her experience pleasure gives me pleasure.....You need to be firm with your bf and make sure he knows that you are uncomfortable with it....just talking about it with him may make it more comfortable for you and/or make him realize that he needs to find other ways to fulfill that need to be dominant.
2007-10-03 03:40:38 · answer #8 · answered by Greg M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
we always try to follow whatever we see in our media. Now in most of the love scenes in movies and Tv u'll see girls top on guys. And they think it's kinda kinky. So we try to follow this and think this is the trend.
Personally it don't turn me on. I'm happy as long as I have good sex, whichever position.
2007-10-03 02:09:27 · answer #9 · answered by ray 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I do not get turned on by controlling a woman. I get turned on when she is turned on and orgasms.
If I can get her to multiple orgasms that is the biggest turn on for me.
2007-10-02 23:05:51 · answer #10 · answered by lestermount 7 · 5⤊ 1⤋