My baby co-sleeps with me - do you think this is ok?

Question

My baby sleeps much better when I put him on the bed with me. He is not breast fed but he seems to sleep much sounder when he is near to me. Do you think it's ok for him to be on the bed? Health visitors & midwifes scared me so much about cot death that I worry if I'm doing the right thing or not. Does any of you co-sleep with your baby?

Answer 1

Yes, yes and yes. It's fine and totally much better for him to have his mother beside him. Mothers from many other cultures find it incredible that western mothers make their babies sleep in "cages"(!). I let both my sons sleep in our bed when they needed/wanted it, until the point where they did NOT sleep better - it will come! As for now, you sleep lighter because they are there (alcohol aside, don't drink beforehand, obviously!). So don't worry about rolling on top of them - you won't.

On a firm BED in my opinion it is perfectly safe (NOT a sofa - never recommended).

Answer 2

How old is your baby?

Its more of a "risk" for young babies I think.

My midwife was all for me co-sleeping - in the birth centre where he was born they actively encouraged mothers to put their babies in bed with them!!!

My Health Visitor disapproved but shes a silly bint anyway and I've just had to make a complaint about her. I don't listen to any of the tripe she spouts.

You will get some people saying its terrible and wrong and you should never do it and other who say its OK.

Personally I was too nervous to co sleep with my son when he was tiny but once he got to around 6 months I started letting him stay in the bed with us after his nighttime or early morning breastfeed and he ended up co sleeping. We all got a good night's sleep that way and we all enjoyed the closeness. It made breastfeeding much easier too.

He's 10 months and has just started going in his cot as we thought it was time to start getting him used to it. He does often wake up crying in the night and when he does I take him into bed with us. He's slowly getting more used to his cot though and waking up less. I abhor the whole "controlled crying" thing and would never leave him to cry. Babies need to feel secure and loved to gain the confidence needed for independence. Hopefully one day the so called "experts" will realise this basic and simple concept.

Its an old wives tale to say that you will "smother" your baby, your instinct will prevent this unless you have been drinking or taking drugs or are unsually tired. I used to be a restless sleeper but I seem to instictively know my son is in bed with me and I don't move a muscle! My partner is the same!! If you are happy co sleeping then carry on. Its fine. It makes me laugh that people say its automatically hugely "risky" to sleep with a baby when millions of babies die every year sleeping alone in a cot - thats why its called "COT death" . . .

Answer 3

It really isn't safe for the baby to just be sleeping in the bed with you, you could roll over on it in your sleep and smother it, how would you feel then? There are some other options though, they make basinets that go right up next to the bed, so they're still right next to you but you lose the risk of rolling over on them. They also make these things that lay in your bed and sort of has a little barrier around the baby, sort of like a blanket with a 5 or 6 in lip at the top around the baby's head to protect it. Good Luck, I hope you choose a better alternative for the safety of the baby.

Answer 4

Nooooo.
My friend did it, her son is now 7 and they can't get him into his own room he is terrified of sleeping alone, I did it once with my first baby as I was so tired one night and just fell asleep, I looked in his cot the next morning and paniced when he wasn't there, he was half way down the bed all squished up and soaking wet with sweat, I never did it again.

My friend has triplets how would she and her husband cope with having them all in bed with them?

Answer 5

I did it with my first for the first 2 wks until i found her half way down the bed completely covered by the doona. This freaked me out and I vowed never to do it again.
But then number 2 came along and I found he would not settle in the cradle so in to bed he came (and I used all the excuses I could find about why is was better for both of us) but then 6mths later I could not get him out of the bed. It was the worst mistake I ever made for us. After that long, my back hurt all the time, i never slept soundly ever, hubby and I started to get affected (if you know what I mean, lol!) and everybody was getting a bad nights sleep. It took me weeks to get him to sleep in the cot on his own and I wish I had just put him in there from the beginning.
If you do this from early on they think its normal and don't know what its like to sleep near mummy unless you show them. (or at least thats the theory I have now!)

I would start putting him in his own bed (in a bassinette next to you or in his own room) as soon as you can. It may take a few days for you and him to adjust but the benefits in the long term, not only for SIDS but also his and your sleeping pattern will be much better than the short time benefits you are getting now.

Best of luck and congrats on your bundle!

Answer 6

I co-slept with my baby when she was newborn, however now she is 7 months old and moves and shuffles a lot so I am a little wary of her sliiping out of bed. This was never the case when she was first born as someone said earlier you are acutely aware of your baby being beside.
If your under the influence of drugs/alcohol this awareness is NOT so acute, hence the advice mentioned above.
At the end of the day it is your choice.

Answer 7

I'm a first time mum with an 8 month old daughter who was 11 pound when she was born. In hospital I saw a mum sleeping in bed with her baby and I thought "How scary, what if she smothers it!?!?!" After I got home from hospital, I was sleeping 40 minutes a night and "demand breastfeeding" (I should kill the midwife who suggested that) for 4 hours at a time, I took my baby into bed with me and she would sleep for 6 hour stretches. You have to do what is best for you and your baby, you are the one living every day, not some "expert."

Answer 8

I co-sleep, but I also breast feed and recent studies show that it is better for breast fed babies, but not for non breast fed. It has to do with the way the baby is held and the triggering in the mother..
He is used to hearing your heart and feeling your warmth so heis going to sleep better. The concern is that you will sleep to deeply. There is an increased risk. Health professional will say that co-sleeping is bad because there have been so many children injured by co-sleeping. I have never had an injury occur, but I will say that it is a hard habit to break.

Answer 9

I slept with all my children. Everyone got more sleep that way. They were breastfed babies.

Co-sleeping on a bed is no more dangerous than putting a child in a cot, SO LONG AS:

* you don't drink alcohol to excess
* you don't do drugs
* you don't smoke
* you are not obese

It's best to have standard sheets and blankets on your bed rather than a duvet, the same as in a cot.

If anyone watched that C4 programme last night, those two harridans who attacked the 70s style continuum parenting methods are WRONG. They should be ashamed of themselves, wicked women.

Answer 10

As a professional it is not recommended, as it raises the risk of SIDS. Some cultures do this as a way of life. it is ok if you have had a bad night and you both are exhausted. But what happens as the baby gets older and you want your own bed back? I have dealt with families in this position and it becomes a nightmare long term. Try getting a 6 or 7 mth old baby who has never slept apart from Mum into his own cot. if you want baby to sleep with you till 4-5 yo go right ahead, but I do not recommend past 4 weeks of age.

Answer 11

There are several reasons why this isn't a great idea.

One, you risk rolling over on top of him while you sleep.

Two, your bed and pillow and bedding are softer and so much easier to bunch up and block his face so suffocation is easier if he gets in the wrong position or you scrootch the bedding while you sleep.

Three, its going to be really hard to get him to sleep on his own later.

If you have a safe crib/cot with a good mattress, he is much better off there.