What should one do when a husband has no respect left for his wife and childern.I am facina a lot of trouble?

Question

We had made a luv mariage and Its 3 years now when I get abused for silly things every day now and then. Similarly, he also hits my 1.5 yrs old child. I am facing a lot of depression due to this Please reply.

Answer 1

Best legal option for you in this case is to give him first shock of his life by seeking protection order, residential order & maintenance order for yourself & your kids under the Protection of Women from Domestic Violence Act. This DV Act gives you wide range of protection all these three issues I have mentioned above. This wont break you marital life at once but only will be a serious warning to him from the court to behave in a civilized manner & provide you all these things & not harass you has he has been doing till now. If he still feels harassing you he not only face punishment by imprisonment under section 36 of this Act but you can move the family court for divorce on the basis of cruelty & still get monthly maintenance for yourself & your kid even after the decree of divorce has been granted to you. I know the very first step under the DV Act will be big shock enough for him & freeze down his boiling brains. Many guys who are in soup as they are already facing proceedings under the DV Act do come & ask questions here how to get rid of this Act & such proceedings, so next time it will be your husband who will be posting question here after he is proceeded against under this DV Act & not you.

Answer 2

Running away will not solve your problem.
There are ways of facing problems - you can go for some advice (your question here itself shows that) like counselling.

You can also do some introspection as to what really has gone wrong - not the actions but the reasons.

Criticicism, nagging, bitter relations with people who matter to each other (When you marry - you marry the person as a package which has his her relations & friends), all these can affect the marriage.

You say you have a 1.5 yrs old child. That means you conceived 6 to 7 months post marriage.
That's very less time for you guys to get to know each other especially in the case of a love marriage because the person you loved is only a fraction of the real person you meet post marriage (mind you all this holds good even for him)
In actuality you became a mother without even becoming a true wife.

Post delivery, you'd spend more time with your baby as every mother would do. The animal called husband is left out & is called in only as a crisis managment tool or when you need something.

When things do not happen the way it is expected to be, a criticism is the first resort.
We can go on buliding stories...

But the fact is - falling in love & falling out of love is a cycle. A person shd take the responsibility of his own course & ensure that he/she rediscovers love.

Respect can only come with trust, if trust is lacking then there cannot be respect. Analyse & see where you can gain his trust - start with small things.

Expressing gratitude, complements, motivates the person to do the things both of you want.
Remember he was your hero. For the entire world he can be anything, he still would like to consider that he is the hero at home.

By running away, we will just postpone the problem.
Whatever happens in our life, we need to own the responsibility & only by that can we try to solve it

Answer 3

This is a situation that is quite common these days.
And the women themselves are to blame. WHY?
Why do you take this kind of behaviour from men? Why don't you fight for your self-respect? Why don't you approach your eleders, your brothers, your friends and ask them to intervene on your behalf? Or better still, why don't you, yourself do something about the situation?
You seem to be a reasonably educated person. You should be aware of your rights, and now as someone has rightly pointed out to you in one of the answers here, there is a legal provision for this. The Domestic Violence Act. It is a very good Law. It is not one which takes you to the brink of divorce. Primarily it warns the guy, advises him to mend his ways and if it is a psycho-medical problem, it forcesw him to go for treatment. And inspite of this arbitration, if the man fails to change himself, there are stricter provisions, including jail.
This is a last resort thing, but before you go for any of this, try this once :
The next time he raises his had upon you or your child, pick up a chappal or slipper and thrash the beegees out of him. Let him know that you are not so helpless, you have the capacity to fight for yourself. If you feel that a chappal is too inadequate a weapon, then think in terms of a stick or a cricket bat. Remember, if you use a cricket bat, don't hit the guy anywhere above his waist. Just whack him real hard and fast on his bum, or on his shin bone. That will put him in place.
He will think a million time before he even dreams about raising his hand.
If you are not upto this extreme treatment, then take the guy by his collar, push him out of the house and let the creep stay out the whole night. Don't serve him any food at home. Not even Tea & snacks. For this, if you have to take help from some girlfriend, so be it. Humiliate him in the presence of others. That will put him in place, good and proper.
I know what I am suggesting is very difficult to execute, but then, your & your child's safety is very important. Sometimes, to cure an obstinate illness, you have to take strong doses of bitter medicine.
Take Care of yourself and your child. God be with you!

Answer 4

You cannot leave fast enough! It is never okay for a man to abuse his wife or his child! If you don't have enough respect to do it for yourself, do it for your child.

I know how hard it is for an abused woman to get out. I know he has made you feel like it is your fault and I'm sure he can also be the sweetest man at times. It's all bull! You can do it without him and you and your child will be so much better off. There are so many resources. The state will often provide housing, child care, medical, food, and even pay for education while you work to get back on your feet. Your husband will also be required to pay child support and alimony as well as half the child care and medical expenses.

Please call a domestic violence hotline immediately!!! Get out and never look back!!! It will take some time, but you will get your confidence back and you will look back and be so happy that you made the decision to leave.

Answer 5

I think much more than women men do not know how to treat the partner in a relationship. A lot of times they do stupid, rude things and after some time learn how to be respectful,caring and considerate. I think that's why they have to earn the respect of the woman, because they start out so raw and oblivious to the rules of a relationship, whereas women may have these traits naturally and from the get go are sensitive and respectuful to the man. I know with my husband through time he learned how to treat a woman and so he earned my respect more and more.

Answer 6

no matter how much you love this man LEAVE and take your child he should not be hitting a 1 and 1/2 year old that's insane and most woman think maybe he will change but most of the time they don't and usually in cases like this they have been abused theirselves
You could try and go to therapy but I doubt it working of course I don't have that much faith in people either
Your child should come first so if it continues leave and there are many ways to do it without him hurting you or your child good luck I hope everything works out :)

Answer 7

The next time he lays a hand on your baby, call the police and have him arrested! I know its easier said than done, but for the sake of your child - leave this man! I'm sure you are facing alto of depression, who wouldn't be?! You need to have him arrested every time he abuses you and your child. Is there a friend or family member that would be willing to take you in so you can leave him? Does your town have a domestic violence center you could stay at? If you don't have anyone who can help you, you're going to have to help yourself. Millions of women do it everyday.If you would like to talk e-mail me "[e-mail]

Answer 8

No disrespect but is your situation real? In 3 sentences you mentioned a couple of things that would and should make a woman leave her other half.
Of course, leave......
If not for yourself, than your child.....
You are an adult with knowledge of this being abusive, your child does not. How sad, he must be confused and frightened. He is relying on parents to make positive decisions. If your husband is not able to make them, then you must. Stop being a martyr, lick your wounds and get your family out of this relationship.

Answer 9

Dear Ma'am,

i would not know the exact reason for your hubby's behaviour, but am quite sure that the frizz is gone in your married life....
I am moved at your childs plight... a 1.5 yrs old child getting abused.... no one with a good mind can stand it...!!i think you needa get your hubby to talk it out, have your parents with you while your do it....
is you hubby a alcoholic? what eaxcatly is the reason?

I would pray to god to give you and your family peace and happyness. god bless

feel free to mail me: [e-mail]

Answer 10

Consider leaving him.

Call an abuse shelter and ask for help.

Being depressed is not helping your child. You have to get a normal life again.

You can also go to a doctor and tell him about it.