Is it common for some women to fall in love with their therapist?

Question

I have been seeing him for 8 mos.and he has helped me through some pretty tough times and knows me better than I do.I am starting to feel he is developing some feelings for me too.I see him once a week and can't wait to see him.Any advice what I should do or should I just let it go till the subject comes up.He hasn't made any advances to me but he has said some things that have put up a flag.He has helped me so much I would hate to have to change therapist at this stage.But I would welcome a relationship with him too.I am unattached now and I am 59yrs old.He is in the process of a divorce.I would love to have another kick at the can so to speak as I was in a loveless relationship for 28 yrs. Any thoughts on this?

Answer 1

Yes, it is very common for women to fall in love with their therapists. He is the one there supporting her, listening to her, and helping her through all of her trials. She can share anything and everything with him and he won't judge her. Isn't that every woman's dream man?

Unfortunately, you can't keep him as a therapist and date him and he knows that. He could lose his license if he gets involved in a relationship with you. Proceed carefully. You don't want to lose him as a therapist and you don't want to make him lose his career. Even if you stop seeing him as a therapist, he will very likely reject the idea of dating you (even if he is very attracted to you), because it can still compromise his career if he dates a former patient.

Sorry, but the best thing would be to just let it go and take full advantage of the therapy. Things may happen naturally later on, but pushing a relationship will only cause an uncomfortable situation for both of you.

Answer 2

This is extremely common and is called transference. It makes sense because this person has listened to your deepest thoughts, fears and resentments and has helped you overcome some of them. There is a sense of security and safety with your therapist, as there should be.

BUT you must remember that you do not have a personal relationship with this man - you have the same kind of relationship as you do with your dentist or your gynecologist, except this is regarding your mental and emotional health. It would be unethical for him to enter into a relationship with you and he could loose his license for it - it's considered that serious of a breech of ethics. It is also considered extremely damaging for the patient - there are several instances where a personal relationship developed only to have the patient's idealistic view of the therapist-turned-lover be dashed, finding themselves in old, bad relationship patterns. None of this is good. You must resign yourself to the fact that this must remain a platonic love and look into finding a mate outside of your therapist's office.

Good luck.

Answer 3

It would make sense that you would fall in love with someone you open up to....that's what they're supposed to do though, get you to open up and share your feelings. It's his job... Besides, if he were an ***, would you open up to him? No...that is why it may seem to you like he's "developing some feelings" for you. Please don't do that to yourself...besides, if he's in the process of a divorce, he's probably not ready to date. He's a therapist, he would know this about himself, which is why he hasn't made any advances! If he's really helping you, then for the love of God, let him continue helping you.

Answer 4

I do have a friend that ended up leaving her husband for her therapist, but I wouldnt recommend it. He is paid to listen to your woes and to advise you, it might seem like he understands and cares, but thats his job...........I think a lot of women fall for their doctors/dentists etc but its all a bit of fantasy

Answer 5

never had it happen but i could easily see it someone who is there everytime they say they willbe always tryd to help and knows evrythign about you

Answer 6

yes, very common.