I too believe that sex should not be the foundation of a marriage. I think it is a very important part of the marriage, don't get the wrong, but I think that you should love, respect, trust and honor your spouse first and THEN sex will fall right into place. But if so many people say sex shouldn't be the foundation of a marriage, why are so many people getting divorced because of it?
You hear so many people complaining about sex on here, in conjunction with other issues (cheating, lying, etc.). Why are people to tuned into sex? Shouldn't they try to work out the other problems first? Just a thought.
2007-10-02 18:39:00 · 14 answers · asked by Hoping he will bless me with #1 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sorry ... I meant to say "Why are so many people tuned into sex".
2007-10-02 18:40:05 · update #1
I am basing this question solely off the questions posted on Yahoo Answers.
2007-10-02 18:52:09 · update #2
If the sex is good then most times other things work themselves out, but if the sex is bad (or not at all) then that just makes all the little sh!t become big sh!t.
It's the same with money. Money shouldn't be a foundation for marriage but most divorces have some sort of money issues involved. Even if the divorce is based of adultry, I bet there are some sort of money issues involved too.
2007-10-02 23:53:02 · answer #1 · answered by Spring 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Because as important as the love, respect, trust and honor of your spouse is sex needs to be part of that relationship.
Sex can become an issues when one of the parties feels that they are not getting what they need.
When someone is not getting what they need either emotionally, mentally, or physically they will inevitably go somewhere to find it. It doesn't just have to be sex it can be anything but sex does hasto be a healthy part of every marriage. And unfortunately not everyone sees it as a necessaty but I can gaurantee that in every relationship where there isn't a healthy sex life one of the two is feeling neglected in this area.
Some spouses either men or women will "punish" the spouse by withholding sex. The problem is this, they don't realize that they are only hurting themselves in this action.
It is pushing the other person away and then nobody's needs are being met and the relationship is then on a downward spiral.
2007-10-03 02:05:52 · answer #2 · answered by jhg 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Dear Changemelord,
I think the way that you are directing the question has something to do with being misled and misguided as to what should be important in ones marriage.
My opinion, along with many experts: Most of us get married in the first place for reliable sex. I was taught to never use sex as a weapon. Because then you are cheating yourself. Which is true. If your in a bad mood or irritated with the other mate the best thing to do and get past a lot of the trivial things is to make-up in the bedroom. Sex is probably one of the best stress relievers known. Your so tired after and satisfied that you end up forgetting why you were fighting in the first place. My thought on this subject, is that people who say sex is unimportant to them in the marriage is because they don't have a good sex partner. I felt the same in all three marriages. My husbands were very boring and mundane in the sack,. So of course I could have cared less whether I got it or not. I never initiated it because it wasn't any good and they used the same old routine over and over . Nothing ever changed.
Not until I met up with my current boyfriend of 3 years did I ever come to find out that sex is absolutely fantastic I thought the things I would hear from time to time about how sex was so Grand from other females was a bunch of nonsense. It wasn't.
For your sake and good fortune I hope you are lucky enough to find out through your husband what I am saying. Mark my words.
p.s.
Most men cheat because their wives are to timid and rigid in bed and want nothing to do with trying something new. I Don't BLAME THEM AT ALL.
Sincerely,
Marseille
2007-10-03 02:27:56 · answer #3 · answered by marseillelangres 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
For the same reason people have problems with drugs, smoking, alcohol and a myriad of other things. It is addictive.
In a perfect world relationships would be built on mutual respect and reasoning but we have became a world that is driven by our hormones.
Face it sex is titillating and can drive a couple to create fantasy relationships built on feelings. When feelings dwindle, old age and reality can develop into a whole new set of feelings that are very personal and sad. If you have only lived on feelings you will probably continue. Unfortunately the new feelings destroy everything you built your relationship on.
Why do people talk about it so much? Because Sex sells. Just like violence sex is used to get our attention. If you don't believe me check out the commercials. What does a knock down gorgeous blond in a string bikini have to do with a car that gets bad mileage?
Sometimes it is used just to get a rise out of the audience, Just like they did with you.
2007-10-03 02:18:21 · answer #4 · answered by noyoungun 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I really wish I could answer this question. I need to know the answer myself. My husband and I have been married for almost 2 years and the thrill is definitely gone. We have sex maybe once or twice a month. He acts like he doesnt want it anymore. He makes excuses on why we cant do anything. I just go with the flow. when you get a good answer, let me know. If you are having problems, I agree you should work on the problems first and then the sex comes.
2007-10-03 02:04:25 · answer #5 · answered by Nicety 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
The biggest problems in marriage leading to divorce are money problems, I think, not sex.
Sex just happens to be the battle ground where a lot of other battles get fought, different issues but all translated into witholding affection, selfish attitudes, etc. It shows up in sex but the source is elsewhere in the marriage.
2007-10-03 01:49:51 · answer #6 · answered by kathyw 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You are right when you say that sex isnt the foundation of marriage, but it is also true that if the attraction between you and your partner isnt there, the relationship cannot work. its just a fact, there may not be a reason, but it's true. Sex is the most intimate part of marriage, therefore if the sex is unsatisfying, the partners may feel the relationship is not complete.
2007-10-03 01:52:37 · answer #7 · answered by geva772002 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Love should be the foundation of marriage and respect, oatience & trust are its pillars. Sex is a compromise obligation to either of the spouse we should perform like food to the body.
2007-10-03 02:04:09 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I am with you that sex shouldn't be the foundation of a relationship; however, you can have all that; love, respect, trust, etc., but if the sex suddenly stops, that leads to questions. Both parties need to put out for the sake of the other. That is love: doing things to please the other and maybe if you can get over yourself, and your issues, and whatnot, you'll actually enjoy it yourself. BTW I use "you" as a universal, not you specifically.
2007-10-03 01:55:55 · answer #9 · answered by mac 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
i wish i knew this answer. thats another reason i fear marriage to another. people cant seem to be faithful sexually. however i think the main reason marriages break up is due to financial issues. sex is an important part of a relationship but it should not set the foundation of a relationship. i know i wouldnt leave my man for that reason.
2007-10-03 02:04:24 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋