How do I deal with an unwanted pregnancy?

Question

I'm recently remarried and I just found out today I'm pregnant. I don't want to be. Not at all. Not right now anyway. I'm underweight and I'm just tired. I have an almost 2 year old and an almost 4 year old and I'm exhausted daily from them as well as the daily housework. I don't think I can handle having another child. How can I come to accept this? I'm married, and I am religious, so of course I'm not going to harm it in anyway. I just need to figure out how to get rid of this angry, desperate, out of control feeling.

Answer 1

Ahhhh, my sweet friend, I wish I could be of some help. As you know, I have no children aside from our "furkids".

Talk to someone about how you are feeling. Please. Don't suffer alone in this; and do NOT give yourself a bad time over your feelings. You are a *wonderful* mother, and feeling overwhelmed by another pregnancy does not mean that you are not.

You have every right to feel upset that suddenly your life has changed in ways that you did not plan, and did not want.

I am no expert, far from it, but I'd really urge you to speak to someone. I just wish I had something more substantial to offer than that, and keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

Also, I urge you to speak to a nutritionist about your health, and make sure that you get what you need in terms of nutrition so that it is not affecting your feelings. I know from personal experience that poor nutrition can lead to depression, or exacerbate it if it is already there.

(((((Muslimah))))

Answer 2

Well atleast carry the baby full term and put him/her up for adoption.. BUT you might even change your mind... I think every woman Thinks " Oh what have I done, I can't have a baby.." at some point during their 2nd, 3rd etc pregnanices. I know some days I do.. and My husband and I have been trying for 2 1/2 years to get pregnant again.. BUT somedays when my 6 year old is especially hyper and doesn't listen to anything I say.. I think WHY AM I HAVING ANOTHER BABY>> BUT then I put my daughter to bed at night... and take a long bath and calm down.. AND then everything seems so much better.

Do you think you could carry a baby for 9 months NOT tell your other children you are carrying their brother/sister and then just give it up???

Get your Husband to help you OR hire a part time Nanny and/or Maid... And really think about this and talk with your Hubby.. And like someone else suggested..maybe talk with a counselor/therapist too.. Have you seen LITTLE babies lately? Maybe visit the nursery at the hospital and just look at the babies ..and see how that makes you feel.. It could change your whole perspective about them first as a baby instead of a toddler. Maybe that is your problem.. I don't know just a thought..


ANYWAY., Good luck and I hope this helps.

Answer 3

It is definitely hard because it came as a surprise. Try to recall all of the beautiful moments you have had with your other kids. Remind yourself that this child is a gift that came at the wrong time. You and your husband can bond while you are pregnant. Make the best out of it. Pregnancy is a beautiful thing. Your feelings are completely normal because you were not trying to get pregnant. Tell your husband how you are feeling. I'm sure he would be willing to help out around the house and with the kids. This should ease some of your tension. Be grateful that you have your husband to help you out! As mean as this may sound, there are some teens who get pregnant and who are stuck all alone with no money and no means to support a child. Look on the bright side - you have a husband, a family, and you CAN support another child. It's a blessing at an inconvenient time... but a blessing nonetheless.

Answer 4

Congratulations Proud Muslimah. I know it doesn't seem like it now but God must have a reason why He chose to give you another baby at this time. You know He knows what's best. You know the time of having morning sickness and being so tired will pass by about the 4th month. I think that's why God has it take nine months to have the baby to give some of us time to get used to the idea of having another baby. I know from your other questions that you like to keep your house spotless and that is a lot of work with a 2 yr old and a 4 yr old. Maybe you need to let your housework go a bit for now just until your feeling better. And don't forget, your family and friends are always there for you, not to mention your husband. Time will heal your anger and you will be yourself again and see what you know to be true, that this child will be a special blessing to you both.

Answer 5

I am sorry to hear you are in this situation to start. I also have been in the shoes you are walking in and it's hard. All I can say is the power of prayer will guide you threw the hard times. Maybe think about adopting the baby out to a good faith based family since you are not ready for the child. It sounds like you are having it tough right now and the stress of a new baby can only add to the fuel. There is alot of couples out there that would love to have a baby and cant, so you may be the only direct link to full fill there happiness and in return you wouldn't have an unwanted baby to care for.

Answer 6

If you can be pregnant or if you have infertility problems I reccomend to follow this method http://pregnancy.toptips.org

Many factors can cause a couple trouble in conceiving a baby, I'll list a few of the most common ones in women:
Anorexia or other dietary dysfunctions
Lacking amounts of FSH and LH are produced, so ovaries aren't as functional as they could be, and so not many eggs are produced
Stress, causing periods to become irregular
Medications such as cancer treatments,antidepressants, hormone therapy, pain killers, and antipsychotic drugs can all cause temporary infertility.

With the method that I posted above you will be able to get pregnant!

Answer 7

Now everyone can cure infertility using this natural remedy http://pregnancyhelps.info
infertility can run in the family and one of the first things the doctor asks you when you go to a fertility clinic is your family history regarding cases of infertility or other reproductive issues.
If infertility is caused by genetic disorder then it's not unusual that one of the kids (your mom) doesn't have it and another does (your aunt).
two months of trying is still to early to be concerned about the fact that you might be infertile and it's also quite early to go to a fertility specialist. Go to a regular Obgyb to get a closer insight and see what ways there are are to improve your fertility rate.
Also remove alcohol, caffeine and cigarettes from your life because they might influence your chances too. Stress is also a risk factor when it comes to infertility.

Answer 8

I think there are a few things you can do. Solidify your support network--family, friends, husband--and don't be afraid to ask them for help when you need it. Help can be just someone to listen to you when you need to vent your feelings, or someone to keep you company when you're feeling lonely, someone to babysit when you need time to yourself, etc.

Another thing is, don't fight your feelings. It's okay to feel not so happy when you find yourself unexpectedly pregnant. Trying to fight your feelings will only make them stronger. Just let go of trying to control the feelings, and find some way to be by yourself with no interruptions when you feel them coming on strongly. And then just feel them. Cry if you need to, write an angry entry in a journal or write a letter and then throw it away, whatever it takes to go through the emotions and get past them.

And last but not least, talk to your OBGYN. I promise you they deal with these things all the time. Know that you're not alone, and that your OB/GYN will be so familiar with what you're going through that they will be able to suggest things to help you.

Answer 9

First you take a deep breath and remember to breath. If you have already made the choice to carry on with the pregnancy (from what it says about your religion and all that, I am guessing so) that the best thing you can do, is just let all the bad feelings go. It's not the easiest thing in the world to do, because everything seems like you have no control. You have to take a long bath, cry about it, but then realize, that you are going to have a baby! Another new life that you created, that you are going to love, and that who is going to love you, a new little brother and sister for your children, getting to watch first crawling, first steps, the first smell when you bathe them the first time, think of all the things you enjoyed with your older children, and remember you get to do it again, this time with more experience!

Good luck Momma, and just remember to breath!

Answer 10

its hard when you have your hands full with 2 because I am in the smae boat. My daughter is almost 3 and my son is 4. I am also still in school and my hubby works alot. I am 14 weeks pregnant and although I am keeping the child no questions asked I have fears about coping with 3! If you just found out you may still be in shock so give it time to sink in. I pretty much knew I was pregnant when I took the test but once I actually took it and it was reality I was freaking out. We have adjusted and I am lloking forward to our 3rd and last child but worried as well. Good Luck! How far are you? Feel free to messgae me to vent or for support!