I have a partner who I am strongly starting to believe is a narcissist, I had never heard of this condition before but the more I read the more I believe it is a very real part of my partners makeup. He knows that he says the crulest things to me and just waits for me to react to the spiteful and hurtful things he says. If i react he's happy and wants to be all lovey dovey if i don't react he keeps going until he makes me cry. We have been through a lot together in the last five years but he doesn't treat me very well though and I would never have taken half of the stuff he does from any other man. Why does this man constantly dissapoint me and treat me with disrespect when I have done all I can for him and am the backbown of our relationship. He knows he's doing it but doesn't know how to stop. He says he has no control over this, but i can't understand it. do you?
2007-10-02 18:09:31 · 10 answers · asked by no more dreamin 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We are not married or have any children together.
2007-10-02 18:28:04 · update #1
He sounds like a bastard, as opposed to a narcissist. I don't see why people put up with this crap. Do you really want to waste the rest of your life dealing with this little boy's self esteem issues?
Real men don't treat women like this because they don't need to put others down to feel good about themselves. Dump him, look for a real man.
2007-10-02 18:17:05 · answer #1 · answered by ZCT 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Who is controlling you? You put up with his behavior. The definition of insane is to keep doing the same thing over and over, each time expecting a different outcome. He doesn't respect you and you are wasting your time trying to make him appreciate your contributions. When he says he knows he does hurtful things to you but can't stop, it just means he doesn't care to stop because he gets some kind of sick satisfaction from hurting you. If he has no control over his behavior, who does? I bet if his behavior was hurting him he would figure out a way to stop. Your BF isn't a narcissist, he is a bully. Either accept it or leave, cause he has already let you know he isn't going to change. Instead of trying to understand what motivates him to behave the way he does, your time would be better spent trying to understand why you keep allowing anyone to humiliate and degrade you. Stop trying to talk to him and start communicating with yourself.
2007-10-03 01:22:47 · answer #2 · answered by mafiosu 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is an EMOTIONAL ABUSER - - put the correct label on his sickness!!! He is right - he does know what he is doing, and he is totally out of control - it is like being addicted - he HAS to do it to feel "right". He is a very sick man, and he will NOT magically get better or find the solution to the problem by himself. He NEEDS intensive therapy, and NOW. IF you stay with him, he has a 90% chance of escalating his abuse to PHYSICAL -
You MUST understand that YOU play a big part in this - without you being there to ALLOW his outbursts, he could not do it. You are his KEY to unlocking that anger door. You need to get away from him and insist he get help BEFORE you will ever see him again.
2007-10-03 01:32:23 · answer #3 · answered by BikerChick 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It makes him feel better to put you down and to criticize you. It may not be something that he's doing on purpose or means to do. He has his own personal issues. When you become a "victim", it may make him feel stronger, more manly. He may just enjoy getting a reaction out of you. It's his high. Seriously talk to him about how you feel. If he doesn't put in the effort to stop, stand firm and leave him. Even if only for a short time to shake him up a bit. You don't deserve that kind of treatment. It's just another form of abuse..........emotional!!!
2007-10-03 01:19:00 · answer #4 · answered by artutina 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Quote : "Why does this man constantly dissapoint me and treat me with disrespect when I have done all I can for him ".
Because you LET him , why are you with him if you wouldnt take it from anyone else ? is he really that awesome in bed that you dont think you'd find another compatible mate to physically satsify so being emotionally tattered and torn is OK?
If its your house/apartment , kick his @zz out , iif it's his leave.
Its not rocket science sweety.You deserve better.I dont understand why your staying thats all I am having problems dealing with.Why would somebody willingly choose to stay ?.
2007-10-03 01:32:15 · answer #5 · answered by JadeyOz 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This kind of behavior is controlling and abusive. A person like your husband should not have this kind of power over you or anyone else. He has security issues and takes them out on you. A loving mate only has your best interest in mind and is caring and supportive. Don't waste your life with this idiot. I have been in a relationship similar to yours. Maybe he will figure it out after you are no longer there to harrass.
2007-10-03 01:25:22 · answer #6 · answered by Anne B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like my husband of 11 years. I finally left him in March after years of hopelessly trying to get him to stop.
2007-10-03 01:13:16 · answer #7 · answered by trancegoddess2001 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
it simple he does not care about your feeling, that why he does
why he disrespect you, and as long as you allow this it will
continue. time to let him know how you feel. and then let him
know that it stop now or you gone. trust me actions speak louder then word. and sometime that what it take to get
someone to listen.
2007-10-03 01:17:46 · answer #8 · answered by luckystar 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the best thing that you can do is to let him know how important you are to his existence.once you've done that,you can leave him alone.
2007-10-03 01:19:22 · answer #9 · answered by honey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if they won't listen..don't waste your breathe..
2007-10-03 01:13:24 · answer #10 · answered by juanes addicion 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋