Without Looking Crazy?

Question

So, I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years. We've talked about marriage lightly and have mutally agreed it's what we want for our relationship in the future. However, we haven't done an concrete planning. I know some of my friends all ready know they want 2 kids, what town they want to live in and when they want to get married; they all have been in relationship for about the same amount of time or less. I'm not jealous, nor do I feel pressured b/c they are ahead of me.
I have a lot of things going for me, that they don't (career wise) So, no need to be jealous.

So, I'm just putting out there the "status" of our marriage talk. Well lately it's something I've been finding is more and more on my mind. I really want to talk about it more and even start planning a little bit.

However, everytime I try talking about I get really emotional. Mainly b/c I try bring it up in mild conversation before hand. I don't want to put him in the hot seat about it. So, I do that

One example would be this.

Last week, he told me he was thinking about purchasing a new car. The car he has is not old and runs well. No need for a new one. I was trying to tell him that I think it's a waste that he buy a new car when he could be saving up for other things.

I was trying to bring up those other things; like a house, a wedding , etc.

Well, I couldn't quite get out what I wanted to say.

He said, "Save up for what? "

I said, "I don't know, other stuff."

"Like what other stuff" he said.

I wanted to say a house or a wedding, etc But, as I was going to say it......i just keep getting more and more emotional. Like I was going to cry.

So, I said, "forget it. If you want a new car, it's your money" and left it at that.

Why do I keep getting so emotional and NOT have the courage to bring this up.

What can I do? I'm a very emotional person.

We are 24 and 29, btw.

Didn't say ANYTHING about living? Please don't assume.......it makes you sound dumb and like you forgot to read what's in front of you.

Sorry, I didn't say anything about living together. We don't live together and never had.

Answer 1

I think you are emotional because you don't seem to be on the same page....you are thinking about marriage and he is thinking about a new car....you are wanting him to think about the same things that you are....without being told to.....But you do need to talk to him about marriage and some of things that you expect from one another...regarding marriage.

Answer 2

Why are you living with a guy for 3 years with no commitment? Why are you providing all the perks of a wife without any of the protections of an official marriage? All that ever did was take away the impetus to marry you!

First thing you do is quit being a wife to him... and do that in a pointed manner.
When he notices, you issue the ultimatum! Get married or get out! If you don't, this will drag on forever.

Next time, you don't move in with a guy unless you already have the wedding planned and booked, and you are just setting up housekeeping.

Answer 3

It is a normal progression of any relationship to want to plan for the future. Talk to him, tell him you have been thinking of it and has he had any thoughts about it? At least if he hasn't he will think about it now. Remember a relationship is like a shark if it doesn't move forward it dies.

Answer 4

Bring it up jokingly like when someone talks about it say ok baby will we ever get married and maybe that will start the ball going.

Answer 5

oh,, so,, if you are having a hard time telling him,, are you not that close? i think,, there;s no other way,, than telling him,, without any other topic,, about that marriage,,.. tell him,, we need to talk,, but listen to me first before you talk,, then,, gather up all of your courage,, and tell him directly,, about the marriage,, that you want to know about,, tell him if he's interested or he doesn't want yet,, then if he says he wants,, then tell him,, aren't we going to plan for our future already? so that we can be prepared,,, something like that,, you know,, no one can really help you,, because it depends to you,, we are not the ones who are going to marry him.. all you need to do is make up your mind,, that you will ask or tell him,, no matter what... gather up all that courage,, because you are his girlfriend,, in things like this,, you must both be open,, share what you feel,, your ideas and everything.. if you can't tell him directly,, but i think,, tell him directly is the best,, you can write to him,, but that seems odd,, but i think it will work,, write what you want to tell him,, give it in personal.. ask him to read it,, then,, there comes the talk.. i'm sure he'll understand and talk to you about it, and ask you,, why didn't you tell him immediately so that you could have talked earlier,, because you've been for 3 yrs right?.. i'm sure that he will understand and talk to you bout it,, you can do either way,, tell him directly and in personal,, by gathering your courage,, this is the best way.. think of no other else,, then you will be able to tell him,, second is by writing it and giving it to him.. then i'm sure the talk will folow,, the last but the not so good on,, is by texting him,, about that,, out of the blue,, just do that,,, so then,, maybe,, he'll ask you to talk to him in personal,, if not by text,, by calling him.. tell him in the phone,, but this is not also a good one,, you know,, you can tell him,, by opening the topic,, while you two are together,,, if he asks,, why out of the blue,, tell him,, because you'v been wondering sometime now,, about that,, and tell him,, you two talked about it but not that much,, and you are really bothered by it.. something like that.. you know,, if you really want to know,, gather your courage,,, have faith in god and to him,, i'm sure if you tell him directly,, without any other confusing words.. he'll understand,, and you'll talk about it nicely,, GATHER UP ALL YOUR COURAGE! don't get too emotional,, just think of it as a talk that couples really have and needs to have,, something like that,, because you really need to talk about it.. tat's all i can tell you,, bacaus it depends to you,, the future and how will you deal with it,, hope i was of help,, good luck,, don't worry too much,, and don't pressure yourself too much,, it will just lead to more of worry, confusion and you will just get more emotional,, like that,, just chill,, gather your courage,, then tell him directly,,, good luck! it's okay if you cry,, but you must finifsh first what you have to say to him clearly,, after that,, your worries will be gone,,, then you will really cry, ,tears of joy that you wre able to tell himm,, directly and clearly... good luck! if anything comes up,,, just ask again,, good luck! god bless! and more girl power! weee! god bless you!