i think i'm gay. and i loved someone last year. we started out as friends but i admitted to him that i was gay about 2 months after i knew him and i liked him even though he didnt show any feelings for me. after that, he started avoiding me and doing things that would hurt me(example, saying foul words to me.). that was the start of our rollercoaster relationship as friends(?). sometimes he's kind to me(example: he was kinda flirting with me...) but most of the time he avoided me.
now, he's already far from me but we study in the same college. at times i see him and he pays attention to me by greeting me. should i think of a way to reconcile with him or just forget him and start all over again???
by the way i miss him...and i think he's the perfect guy for me...i think i can't find another one like him. he's the only person that i liked. if i'll start all over again, would i find another man that i would like??? what do you think???
he's STRAIGHT and i can't get over him...:(
2007-10-02 16:31:01 · 13 answers · asked by Christian M 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
This sounds like a really complicated situation, but one of my friends is going through one that is similar and I hope I'll be able to help you.
First of all, let me say this: It's true that a gay person's choice of partners is far more limited than a heterosexual's, but that does not mean that you won't find someone who is right for you. EVERYONE has a soul mate--you just have to be patient and let them come to you, always living in the faith and knowledge they are out there somewhere. Don't limit yourself to only one person by saying, "I'll never get over this one person,t hey're the only one for me." They're not. There are still millions of other people out there, and you WILL find someone right for you.
Also, if he has treated you poorly and put on such a roller coaster...is he really worth pursuing? If he has done so much to hurt you, what makes him so great? He's straight, but he's led you on by flirting with you. He's been bipolar in his treatment of you. I ask again: With everything that he's done to hurt you, what's so great about him?
I'll tell you a little about my friend's situation. Boy A had been on and off with Boy B for about a year. It started off as a one night stand, but A wanted more out of the relationship, and B told him he was already involved with someone...who is twice his age.
B would continue to lead A on for the next year, putting A through all kinds of turmoil and ultimately leaving him a wreck. All he was doing was toying with him, but he always knew A would go crawling back to him because A "loved" him for reasons I still don't understand. I STILL can't comprehend how A can still love B after all he has been put through, but he continues to do so.
Eventually, Boy B dumped the boyfriend that was twice his age and Boy A was finally able to be with him...but unbeknownst to A, B was still seeing this guy and he was paying for his college, car, and apartment. A found this out, but for some reason, still loved B.
Personally, I think B is a (fill in the blank) for everything he did. Now, A has sacrificed his family, friends, school, career, and entire LIFE for B...but what has B done for him besides put him through Hell?
I don't want to see you make the same mistake as A did. Please consider his story and truly think about why you like this guy so much, and if pursuing a straight man is worth all of the things he has put you through. Even if he DOES come around to like you, that still doesn't take away from the fact that he hurt you...and it also doesn't take away from the fact that there are better people out there for you.
Good luck!
2007-10-02 17:01:14 · answer #1 · answered by White Knight 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've been in love with a gay man for TEN YEARS now. He's the "perfect guy" for ME, too....all except for the GAY part, that is! And in these past ten years, he's put me through every mind game imaginable. I used to feel I stood a chance of changing his mind, then he would say and do things to destroy my hope. Then I would feel encouraged all over again...and again....and again. It's been an emotional roller-coaster, but ya know what? After all these years, I'm STILL no closer to having the kind of relationship I've wanted with him from the beginning. Probably even further from it, if anything, because over time, he has become more guarded against letting his emotions overrule his gay identity!
Do you catch my drift here? I'm sorry, but a straight man just isn't going to engage in intimate relations with another man, anymore than my gay "boyfriend" is going to suddenly want to share HIS bed with ME! Life just isn't fair, is it?!
2007-10-02 18:51:42 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
You say you think he's the perfect guy for you? Let's see: he's straight, he's been mean to you at times, he runs hot and cold, AND he's straight. Go back and read that last sentence a few times until it sinks in. I'm not blaming you, we've all been there - he's the first guy you really had feelings for so that's why your hooked on him. He's not right for you and when the right guy comes along, and trust me he will, you'll forget all about the first guy!
2007-10-02 17:58:41 · answer #3 · answered by My 2 Cents.... 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
honey, I hate to say this but you need to move on. it is hard to get over someone you love but you need to. this man is straight and you will never have a relationship like you want with him. he is mean to you to let you know that. when he is nice to you he is letting you know that he misses the friendship. you are getting the mixed messages from him that way but a straight man will always be straight. just like you being a gay man will not become straight. your friend just doesn't know how to come out and tell you he is not at all attracted to you because he doesn't want to hurt you, and he likes you as a friend because he doesn't want you to get the wrong idea. you will find a man that you will love more. one that will be perfict for you. one that will love you completly and give you the love you deserve.
2007-10-02 17:38:43 · answer #4 · answered by laniechrysler 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Put yourself in his position.
You are Will. He is Grace. She says, "I like you. I know you're gay, but you can change. Why not try it? Maybe, you'll like it. Well, can we at least be friends? What did that smile me? Are you flirting with me?
Would you want that kind of friend?
Do you want a friend that you constantly pine over, that doesn't return your affections?
I think that you can be friends after you get a boyfriend, and move on.
2007-10-02 17:16:04 · answer #5 · answered by theboywhoatelasagna 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've answered your own question here - you said "he's STRAIGHT"...So no, don't pursue a romance with him.
Now that he's in college, he is a little more grown up and worldly, and realizes that it is okay to have a gay friend. That is why he has changed his attitude and is greeting you. That doesn't mean he wants to be with you. Back off. You might be able to gain his friendship, but nothing more.
2007-10-02 16:41:08 · answer #6 · answered by artistagent116 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since hes straight, he will never understand why you have these feelings for him.He feels for women the way you feel for men.Try to picture yourself in his shoes. Try to picture yourself being attracted to another woman, it just dont work.The only advice I can give you, is to just be his friend, atliest you will still have a friendship with him and some day the right man will come along for you and understand your feelings.
2007-10-02 16:43:16 · answer #7 · answered by LILAC 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Face the fact that world is full of both straight and gay men. don't try and change him into something he isn't or he may hate you for it and then you lose a friend(?).
Move on and find someone else who is actually gay.
2007-10-02 16:37:20 · answer #8 · answered by scruff 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't feel bad we all have are straight crushes you'll find that special one
2007-10-02 16:48:38 · answer #9 · answered by Matra 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Start Over, Its not worth playing his game........are you sure he is straight? I mean he flirts with you.....
2007-10-02 16:34:56 · answer #10 · answered by sonyyyy 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋