What do you think of this letter to Dear Abby...?

Question

From "Tired of being tired?"

http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20071001

Answer 1

Hmmm... as a Dom - I guess I have control issues as well, but if my sub wants to go to bed, I don't have a problem with that, unless I require her "services". On the flip side, there are different schedules that we keep and it's an each to their own. In my relationship, there are rules and there is consideration given. If she's run a marathon that day, I'm not going to be a jackazz and tell her she can't go to sleep or eat, et al. It comes down to role expectations and communicating them before things get beyond repair. my 2 cents.

Answer 2

Well it seems as if Abby didn't really offer a clear solution to the problem just a statement of what this woman already knows. Not a typical Dear Abby response, she usually has great advice but unfortunately she can't cure all and sometimes platitudes is all she can give. I hope this person has found another way to communicate with her husband.

Answer 3

I think Abby is right. But I call the husband what he is- a control freak! What an ******! I'd tell him that he either let me decide when I go to bed on my own or he can sleep somewhere else. My guess is that is not the only issue he has problems with.

Answer 4

every one has to adjust to marriage, maybe thats how he saw his parents act and he thinks its normal.
It may take him some time to change, everyone when they are first married has to learn when to give up on some ideas or patterns. Even though the advise was good it does not mean that a magic feather is going to change him over night, or even that she should think he will. These things normally work themselves out in time.
my advise to her would be to let him know she does not like it when he does not respond to her, but to pick her battles one at a time.

Answer 5

If he likes the principle of going to bed together, he should at least agree to let her choose when to do so on about half of the nights. I think this woman needs to get a good grip on the principle of fairness, and whack him over the head with it. Some negotiations about acceptable criteria for "when not to go to bed together" would help, too.

Answer 6

Hah!

He could have at least made the times they go to sleep consistent.. LOL.

Yeah I've had this issue in relationships. Both ways. I can't remember how it got resolved when I wanted her to go to sleep same time as I did, but I do remember at one stage my gf had this wildly different sleeping pattern to mine where I'd go to sleep and she'd be downstairs watching stupid infomercials all night, I'd wake up and she'd just be there grumbling that I was waking her up when I had to go to work.

Whatever.

Answer 7

My husband and I have the same problem. I'm a night owl, and he's not. But we compromise, I get in bed with him (but we have a somewhat regular time), and he puts on an eye mask and wears ear plugs so that I can read, or watch t.v. (or get on YA!, lol).
It works for us.

My advice to her would be to say "no." How long will he argue if he's tired?
Then maybe he'll learn that he can't always get his way, and they can can talk about it, and try to come up with a compromise.

Answer 8

I have heard this before. But, Abby's answer is true. This is a control issue and needs to be dealt with as this sort of problem.

Answer 9

Maybe he likes being able to cuddle up to her when they go to bed together. What gets me is this woman's question, "What about MINE?" There you have it!

Maybe she should ask her husband why he insists they go to bed together.

It might not be an issue of control at all.

Answer 10

I think that the advice she got was very good. He sounds like a control freak.