Married women: How big of a lack of affection would you expect your husband to accept?

Question

When is it okay for me to break down? How long should a man have to go being rejected? If your man shared the work around the house, and in all actuality probably did 70/30 of it (laundry, dishes, etc.), gave the kids their baths, got them ready for school in the morning, worked twice as many hours as you, brought home three times as much on payday and never missed a day letting you know how incredibly god-damned attractive you were, would you be attracted to him? Would you want to have sex with him? More than once a week?, More frequently than after he's been moping around for three days, just so he can last 90 seconds after going down on you for 40 minutes. Would you at least sit by him on the couch, hold his hand, not push him away when he snuggles up to you in bed? Would you kiss him in church?

Even after you'd talked until being blue in the face about it, how long would you expect your man to go before breaking?

I only want serious answers. I am at the end of my rope.

Answer 1

I feel like this most days too. Last night I was flat-out telling my husband to turn off the football game and come have sex. He kept telling me the game was almost over. I couldn't believe he was choosing football over sex.
It sounds like you do a lot around the house, from what you have said. I know that most women do a lot of the things you have listed and more with no help from their husbands and at the end of the day they feel too worn out to do anything for their husbands. It doesn't sound like your wife can use that as an excuse.
What most women don't understand is that a lot of men need physical contact and intimacy. Repeated rejection for a man is like being called fat for a woman. It hurts them. I have always made an effort to keep my man satisfied because I know that men need that intimacy. And, men shouldn't have to feel perverted just because they want to have sex with their wife.
I'm sorry, I really don't know what to tell you to do. You said that you have talked to her and that hasn't seemed to work. Maybe there is a bigger problem here that neither of you fully understands. Maybe a marriage counseler is the key.

Hang in there!

Answer 2

The fact that it takes you 40 minutes to go down on her tells me that she has some sort of sexual dysfunction. Going to a therapist, doctor, or psychologist would be the best way to work this out.

Some possibilities: She is depressed and suffers from a very low sex drive. She had a traumatic sexual experience in her life and has never gotten over it. She was raised to think that sex is bad, and can never really enjoy it. She is upset with you for some reason and instead of talking, bottles it up inside leading to her not being as attracted to you. She is unsatisfied with your sexual techniques, but is afraid to say anything to you. She has not experimented with herself to be able to know what works sexually for her, and thus cannot communicate with you about how to make sex better. She has an undiagnosed medical condition that makes her exhausted, even with less work than you do.

There are endless possibilities. I am just some random person on YA and I can't say what is more likely. Before you break down, consider relationship counseling.

Answer 3

She seems very disconnected from you. Have you tried a therapist?

You can only take that for so long.

For me it was 4 years... Now that I have had my breakdown and decided to leave he is suddenly interested again. Figure that one out.