Can you read my situation and give me advice?please be kind?

Question

I know this is the oddest place to reach out to someone for advice,but I have no where else to turn at the moment.

in 2,003 at the age of 23 I married a guy from another country,who later admitted to me he married me 50 percent to get to USA and 50 percent to come to America.From the begining he was controlling and forced his religion on me.There was allot of fighting daily,verbal,emotional and pyschological abuse and emotional neglect.This escalated to me getting hit and blamed for being too loud and deserving of a slap.
We were not married in a Christian church,and the whole thing was done in his traditional way,in another language that I couldnt understand.I felt overwhlemed but at the same time I believed I loved him so went through with it.My self esteem was very low and I didnt know how to stand up for myself.
After 4 years of living without love and facing abuse and daily quarrels,crying on every Holiday,every birthday and every Christmas,after countless prayers

And after going back to the Christian church despite his protests,things have deteriorated so much that I no longer can have a sex life with him.He doesnt allow me access to money,so I am completely financially dependent on him.All the fighting broke my health down and I am suffering allot.I want out but CHRISTIANS SCREAM U CANT DIVORCE UNLESS HE COMMITS ADULTERY...BUT THE BIBLE SAYS IF UR UNBELIEVING SPOUSE DOESNT WANT TO LIVE WITH U YOU ARE FREE...I CANT TAKE MUCH MORE,IAM YOUNG ONLY 27 I DREAM OF HAVING CHILDREN AND A FAMILY OF MY OWN...HE WONT LET ME...PLEASE GIVE ME GOOD ADVICE.

50 percent America 50 percent he liked me

Answer 1

Hey! If the ceremony was performed in another language and you could not understand it then couldn't you get the marriage annulled? God, you have to try! Don't let that man take your life away. Get away from him fast. He has no love or respect for you!

Answer 2

I will pray for you and give you my read on the situation.

GOD is the author of marriage. How can you truly be married if you don't even speak the language of the ceremony? For all you know, you may have vowed to buy milk for him every Thursday.

I don't think it's a valid marriage. Read this carefully....“Therefore what God has joined together, let no MAN put asunder [ apart ]” (Matthew 19:6b). I am sure you know the scripture and its context. Did God join you together? NO. So I don't think it's a valid marriage

....not only that, he lied when he took his vows, and he continued to lie to you. He esentially pretended to be married to you. A marriage is a commitment, and he never committed to you.

A marriage is a contract. He breeched the terms of the contract.

Now other Christians may disagree, but that's my stance. Now suppose that I am wrong...your body is the temple of Christ. You cannot allow him to abuse it, so from my perspective, you have no option but to leave. I'm not making excuses, this is what I truly believe in my heart.

I know that your Christian friends are trying to help, but the bottom line is that God has a plan for your life, and it has never been for you to be unhappy, beaten, emotionally abused, and lied to. He came that we should have life and have it more abundantly.

If you think I'm just blowing smoke, that's fine, but please leave that man! God gave us common sense. Common sense and statistics tell us that the cycle of violence is predictable. It starts off as verbal abuse, then moves on to other forms of emotional abuse, then physical abuse, and ultimately...well I think you know where I'm going. You can see that it has escalated over time. Don't be a statistic. Being a Christian does not make you a victim. If the people at your church feel that way, you need a different church. Shame on anyone who condones abuse in the name of God or in anybody else's name.

Remember Jeremiah 31:3 I have loved you with an everlasting love, and with loving kindness have I drawn you.

Note that it doesn't say that he drew you with beatings, harassment, controlling behavior, lies, and spite.

I'll be praying for you!
Also, shoot me an email if you can. I can get you the resources that you need to leave, and I can help you find a good bible believing church that will not ask you to endanger your life. I'll pray for them too!

Answer 3

What you've done so far was a giant mistake, so don't let him control your life any longer. File for divorce ASAP before things get even worse. Maybe he controls the money now, but you'll get half anyways in the divorce. Do you have family to help you at all? Move in with them during the divorce if you have to. The bible doesn't say anywhere in it that you have to endure abuse and neglect in this way. Stop praying and take some action for yourself- get your life back!

Answer 4

you say "this is the oddest place to reach ouy to someone"... BUT...you are reaching out, and that is the best part of this entire scenario.
You were swindled, by you emotions to allow the marriage, and the following conditions that you have chosen to endure for 4 years.

There is NO REASON for another person to be physically abusive to their mate. You did nothing to deserve that, and it must immediately cease.

I do not know where your are presently living...and the different state laws require different things for you to divorce.

The number one issue for your is safety. If you leave this person, can you go some where safe? Do you have a friend or relative that will let you live with them for a 6month to one year period?
Do you need to move away from this person, for safety, and well being?
Do you have work skills that will allow you to prosper and take care of yourself, and the legal fees to get out of this mess?
Are there kids inviolved? Do you have any children by this man?

If you want...email me....

Answer 5

Go to the library when he is out doing what he does. Do not broadcast your every move. If you have to go on Sundays when you should be at 'church' go then!

At the library look up divorce proceedings in your county. Second look (Google or Yahoo) for shelters for battered women in your city, county, state. They have safe houses to get you on your independent feet again. You MUST be mentally strong to decide, pursue and stick to this escape. If you haven't been strong no other time in your life, this is the time to be strong! It is imperative you do not risk the other women and your safety by going back to this emotional abusive man and telling him where you are at. Do not have any more contact with him once you began your plan and are away from him. Your break is going to take smart, patient skills to pull off.

Best of luck and waste no time getting out of that abusive relationship!!

Answer 6

It sounds to me like you need someone to be strong for you. Do you have any family you can turn to?? If not call a woman's shelter, they can help. The first thing you need to do is get your self esteem back, you are worth more than this!

You know you need to leave him, and I know it would be so much easier for you if someone came along and said "come on this has got to stop, get what you need, you're leaving" but that probably won't happen. So be strong for yourself - take a deep breath and call someone - how about Safe Horizon on:- Domestic Violence Hotline: 800.621.HOPE (4673)

Examine your feelings really hard, and admit to yourself that any love you had for him has long been destroyed and you are only staying because he has convinced you that he is all you are worth!! Now realise that he is so wrong and make that call!!

Good luck and let us know how things go for you!!

XXXXX

Answer 7

Im Christian and i believe if one breaches their marital vows then you have the right to break your vows by getting a divorce, Love and honor.. wheres the honor in hitting u, wheres the respect? wheres the love in hitting u, and making u feel like his personal puppet , and tearing u down and keeping u as a prisoner in your own home.. no money etc..

Im sorry but God wouldnt want u to stay in a marriage with someone that is literally hurting you.. atleast not the god i believe in.. Just be smarter in the choices u make the next time around , and find someone with similar beliefs..

But its time to find ur old self again , and be strong and get out of this situation.. whatever it takes.. and in the bible it also says we are not to judge one another, that is his job, so for those that judge u for leaving a situation that they dont have to live in , doesnt make them much of a christian to begin with..

Good luck, and get out ..

Answer 8

It sounds like you are ready to end this marriage and I don't blame you. If you have family that you can rely on, leave and go to them. If not, find a good lawyer and start saving enough money to get out of the house and away from him. Go to a shelter if you have to. In the mean time while you are still in the house, document everything. Keep a journal. If he hits you and leaves a mark, take a photo and make sure it is date/time stamped to coincide with your journal. You may need it all later. Good luck.

Answer 9

your not in a foreign country anymore hon, get yourself the hell out, it matters not if it was a christian ceramony fact is no god put you here to take abuse. Sun's out and it time to wake up, the marriage was fraudulant the minute he admited he "USED" you. Time to learn to speak up, get help, it's everywhere, shelters, crisis lines and crisis centers, just get yourself out and get the life you want. As for countless prayers, there's an old saying "god helps those who help themselves" some believe there are things we need to accomplish, learn, and over come in this life, might be yours is gaining the strength and independece to stand up for yourself, it your right, start practising it. You don't even have to speak to him he isn't worth your time. It might be tough at first, but you'll never regret it. Your just one of thousands, who've made that mistake and they made it, there's a whole lot of happiness out there waiting for you, Like the song says... make a new plan Sam, get on the bus Gus, leave him the key Lee and set yourself Free!

Answer 10

Hi friend,
If you're gonna wait for him to commit adultery before filing for divorce, then it would only mean another certain period of time of suffering. Im not contradicting the Bible & the Christian dogma..But I believe the answer is already in this letter. And the content of this letter is the true content of your heart, which is where you should follow. You obviously want out of this marriage. Just because you're afraid of doing this, doing that (because of your Christian belief) means you're allowing yourself to go through this hellish marriage?? God always want us to be happy. And obviously you're not right now. How many women are silently suffering like you, hardly able to go through another day without crying but couldn't do so because of dogmatic ties?? Fight for your happiness, my friend. You deserved it. You already duped when he married you get to USA. Are willing to be like this for the rest of your life?? Waste your years away suffering like this?