Abusive cop husband. How do I get out?

Question

I am seriously scared to death of my husband. He has threatened on more than one occasion to bash my head in, kill me with his bare hands. He has put guns and knives in my face. He has only physically hit me twice. But he has threatened many times. The last time he threatened to bash my head in, he actually took his night stick and swung it and put a whole in our bedroom door. I ran for the phone to call the cops but he took it from me and would not allow me to do so. I recently found out that I am pregnant. He has a daughter by another relationship who is a wonderful father to. I think he'd be a great dad to my child as well, but I don't want my child in that situation. How do I get out? I don't want to ruin his career by going to the police department he works for but I want out, and I don't know how!

Answer 1

Look up your local womans shelter.. (no it doesnt mean u have to go stay there, but they can give u advice, and the means to get out of that relationship) the hard thing is that he is a police officer and i understand that they like to protect one another and they feel they are the law and that the same rules dont apply to them... I suggest u pack up your things whatever u can put into your car, and leave and go stay with family or friends.. your going to need a safe environment , ur going to need to put a restraining order against ur husband, u are going to have to go to his commanding officer and ur going to have to put his job at risk, HE needs help and u need to be safe.. and ur child needs to be safe.. and the fact that he didnt allow u to use the phone is a form of kidnapping and u can have him brought up on kidnapping charges as well as abuse charges.. i understand that u love the "dr. jekyl " part of him.. but the "mr. hyde " will never get better he only gets worse with time.. and ur child will witness this.. and it will only get worse the mental abuse will only get worse.. U NEED to protect ur child..and yourself.. sorry if he loses his job he should of thought about that before he ever laid a hand on you.. he uses the "i'll lose my job" to make u feel bad and not turn him in, he tells u with out his job how will he finacially support u, him and his other child.. But him being a police officer isnt the only job in the world and he will manage.. if he loses his job, it will be from the consequences of his own actions.. My suggestion to u , get as far away from him as possible.. and if u get the restraining order, when u go infront of the judge u ask the judge to MAKE him be ordered into counseling for anger management.. u get the documenation, and if need be u use it to keep ur child safe from him if he doesnt learn anything..

Good luck, becareful, be strong, and be smarter then him.. and buy several things of mace and keep on on ur key chain, and hide them through out the house, and ur car.. u may just need it one day.. and invest in a baseball bat, u should have a stick bigger then his :)

Answer 2

You don't want to ruin his career, but you don't mind if he kills you???? He's threatened your life, but you think he'd make a great daddy??? Listen, you need some help. You're not making sense. The guy is violent. If he gets near you again, run to the phone and dial 9-1-1. Even if you hang up, the police should come. But if they do, you need to tell the truth, otherwise, you'll be in trouble. Here's how you get out safely.
#1, if you think you can gather your things while your husband is at work and leave, then do that. Make sure that someone else is in the house with you while you're doing this in case you need a witness if your husband comes home unexpectedly. #2, If you don't think you can do this safely, then you need to go to the police and tell them the situation and make sure that they are there when you pack. Then, make arrangements to file a restraining order. Stay with a relative or a friend and do not tell your husband where you are going. File for a divorce immediately. A dead mother is not good for your children. This guy has weapons and will use them so don't underestimate this situation. For the next several months, always have someone with you.

Answer 3

Oh yeah, he'll be a wonderful dad. Your daughter will grow up with fear and anger. That's always great for self esteem, cause children never hear what goes on in a home. And daughters from abusive homes make the most wonderful choices in a mate when they grow up, they never repeat the cycle. PUHLEASE.

You call the woman's shelter and tell them he is a cop. You document the abuse with pictures. Then you get a restraining order and a hand gun. And you leave and take your child as far away as you can and never look back, unless you want your daughter to go through it too.

Answer 4

First and foremost your husband is a cockroach, why would you even worry about ruining his career? A man that hits a woman is nothing more than an insect, he's lower than dirt, he's a scumbag, a sorry excuse for a man. Ant on top of it, he's a cop? I really get so frustrated with women like you. How could you think of him when he won't care for you? You are going to have a child, it is time for you to start thinking about her future, and don't try to convince yourself that he will be a good father. He will be as abusive toward her as he is with you. You need to report him to the cops, but don't go to the same place he works at. They protect each other, so they are not going to help you. He should be in jail, he has threatened you with death. What are you going to wait for? For him to kill you, because he probably would if you don't do something about it. He does not love you, despite what you think, that's not love. You need to get out of that home. You need to leave him. Your situation is very dangerous, your life is at stake here. I can't emphasize it enough, leave him at once if you don't want to end up dead. You will find a man that will make you happy, one that will care for you, that will RESPECT you, that will treat you right, that will make you feel loved, that will protect you, that will give you everything you deserve in life. There are plenty good men out there, don't live a living hell next to a monster like him, when you can live happy with someone that will really love you. I am sorry if I am been hard on you, but it brakes my heart to see that some women allow this cockroaches to torture them and to make them as miserable as they could probably be. I hope that somehow I have gotten through to you, I would really hate for you to lose your life in the hands of a coward like him. I'm going to pray for you, and I wish you the best. I am going to leave you some links down bellow. If you ever need to ask me any more questions, don't hesitate. God bless you. You deserve better, you are worthy of love, real love.

Answer 5

GET OUT! GET OUT! ASAP! Look there are alot of help centers for women in your situation. Find out all the available help ASAP and make the move. Women who are scared and don't take action based on the fears, are the main reasons bad guys like that are still gettin away with terrible behavior. Being a guy myself, angers me to know that there are guys out there who don't appreciate women and the wonderful relationship that can be enjoyed when there is mutual respect and real pure 'love'. I am proud to say that I am blessed with a wonderful marriage and family, do we have ups and downs? sure but nothing we can't overcome together, civilized of course. Get help ASAP!

Answer 6

He took an oath when he became a police officer, so why should he get to bend the law for himself?

You need to report his behavior. He does not deserve any preferential treatment, and he gives every cop a bad name.

He knows damn well what he is doing is wrong and could cost him his job and life. Don't become another Nicole Brown Simpson, please.

Answer 7

I belive that you should risk his job and talk to the police because obviously he has no right to rotect and defend if he even cannot defend his own wife. He is using his rank to deterr you from doing anything, do not let him do this to anyone else. your child should always have a place with your husband but you do not have too. leave why are you second guessing yourself right now go

Answer 8

Get yourself and your baby out of this situation. It won't get better, it will only get worse. I saw a poster children who witness abuse are 700 times more likely to become abusers. Children who are victims of abuse are 1000 time more likely to become abusers. Do you want your child to have those odds ? Don't worry about him. GOOD LUCK!!!

Answer 9

A Friend of mine told he her ex husband was a cop. I was told he beat his 1st wife . She called the cops . He got arrested and fired from his job. If he loses his job T.S.

Answer 10

I don't think that you should worry about his career. You owe it to yourself and your child to find a way out. Do you have family or friends that can help you? You may be able to go to a church or a local organization to get help. You REALLY need to get out of this situation BAD!!!! Please do so for your unborn child. He/ She does not deserve this and neither do you.