My husband ex wife moved across the country with their son and her new boyfriend. She decided that it did not work out and wanted to move somewhere else. So, she decided to move to our city. She sent the son ahead a few months ago and she will be out here next month. She is living with a family member right now, so she does not have much bills and is able to save money. My husband told her that he will pay for her to move into a place out here and cover the rent for a couple of months. She makes several times the amount of money than we do, but she drinks a lot, so she's broke. We do not have very much money AT ALL and we can barely afford our bills. Plus, we have a newborn baby. It really burns me up that he offered all this without talking to me and this is financially going to hurt us. I do not know now how we are going to pay our own rent. Should I be upset with him???
2007-10-02 13:26:27 · 17 answers · asked by iluvmyhubby 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He did say that she could live with us for a couple of months, but that makes me even more upset. I don't want to live with his ex-wife. Should I be upset and does her living with us sound like a good alternative to saving money?
2007-10-02 13:27:52 · update #1
Oh yeah...I am a full time college student and he wanted me to take out a student loan and give her the money for the move.
2007-10-02 14:29:18 · update #2
omg girlfriend you are stronger than me because I would have already ripped him a new one! What the hell is he thinking????? This makes me mad just reading it! He should not be taking care of his ex wife at all and he shouldnt even want to! You need to let him have it and tell him no way in hell are yall shelling out your money to her..YOU are his wife!
2007-10-04 07:41:35 · answer #1 · answered by must<3dogs 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know which one of you is crazier. Your husband should be kicked in the a s s for even thinking of paying for her move, her apartment and what not. OK take care of his kid, let him stay with you until the mom gets settled. That would be fine, but tell her to get it done without your support or help in any way.
Why does he feel he owes her that much? Was it his idea or her idea for the divorce?
If she drinks away all of her money that's her problem, but if that's the case he needs to fight to get custody of the son. He should not grow up in that environment. The ex should be told in no uncertain terms that is what you plan on doing and withdraw the offer to pay.
Your husband needs to wake up and smell the roses or you need to kick his a s s. I think you are crazy for even considering letting her live with you. Skid row is available for bums so let her sleep there.
You need to put down the law and tell him either her or you and tell him why. If he is unwilling to listen to your rational thoughts on the matter then it is time to move on.
2007-10-02 20:39:51 · answer #2 · answered by Cliff R 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMG! You poor thing! I would hate to be in that position.
Have you talked to your husband? Let him know that you are against this and you are concerned about having a woman that drinks alot near your baby, especially living under the same roof.
I could somewhat understand him trying to help her out when she gets into town for their son's sake but, I think he may be going a little too far w/ helpinf financially and offering your house. He was in the wrong not to include you on majorly important issues as these. So, talk to him and try to work something out. Chances are she might have manipulated him into thinking that he has to do all of this.
Well, I wish you the best of luck!
2007-10-02 20:34:12 · answer #3 · answered by Squiggly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't bring the ex-wife into your home. Right now, she makes mostly herself miserable with her addiction to alcohol. Don't let her bring this misery directly into your home.
Your husband should not have promised her anything financial without talking to you. Try not to be upset with him because he is already going through a stressful time in having to deal with his ex-wife again. I think what he should have offered instead is to go to court and have the courts award him custody of his son indefinitely. He should tell the ex to get her life together, on her own, and when she has a place to live and has been sober for at least a year, he will reconsider the custody issue.
The ex-wife will continue to create dramas and difficult situations that your husband needs to rescue her from just to get his attention. He needs to focus on his new family and his son from that old marriage but he needs to let go of the ex.
2007-10-02 20:45:08 · answer #4 · answered by friendlyadvice 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel for you girl. He should not make any financial decisions without you. More marriages break up over money. He should not give money away that he does not have. I am assuming that the son is with you? That is his only concern and his son has a place to live. I would absolutely not live with her. I personally think that I would divorce him over that. Pray that she is smart enough not to even consider it. You have some major problems with your marriage. You do not need that stress and neither does your baby. I would be extremely upset with him. Good luck.
2007-10-02 21:20:41 · answer #5 · answered by kim h 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
HONEY, all i can say is you are a better woman than i am, if i were in your shoes, i would tell him, that it would be better for HIM to move where she is, and take their son with him, and that from now on he can pay ME child support! He needs to decide which relationship he is gonna be in, and which is most important, you or her, and stick to it, she is grown, his obligation is to his SON not HER!! and if she makes so much money, you have the son in your care, get an emergency custody order, and make HER pay you child support, (this way she wont be able to move, and you will have the child in a better home, and be saving money by not paying her) good luck!
2007-10-02 20:47:57 · answer #6 · answered by oh really 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can understand where he is coming from but...ANYTHING that affects you and your household needs to be discussed with you first before a decision is made. Let him know that you can agree to help her but only and I mean only after your house is looked after first. If there is anything left over then that can be used to help her. As far as her staying with you I can see why. It is for his son's sake there. If that does end up happening then try to be as cordial as possible while she is there. Sit down with your husband before she gets there and discuss what her role in the household will be. Such as: No Alcohol in the house, chores, cooking, etc. Then when she gets there sit down with her and your husband and explain to her what you and your husband discussed so that everyone is on the same page. If there is a problem then you know that you can all sit together and discuss it in that forum. Wow though, he really dropped the ball on this one by not bringing you in on it.
2007-10-02 20:35:55 · answer #7 · answered by firemouse23 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
By helping her out, he is helping his son, which is completely fine. Maybe the son can stay with you for a while til she is back on her feet. I would go to court and file for sole custody and/or revocation of child support. You can say she is an unfit mother.
2007-10-02 20:40:03 · answer #8 · answered by kermit 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes definetaly, I would be burned up first of all his duty is not to his ex-wife but to you and his family now, he already has the child he is raising and financially helping right now, so it seems that she could figure out her own way or ask her family for help not ex- husband
2007-10-02 20:35:53 · answer #9 · answered by hurtheart 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Out of respect to you, he shouldn't be giving her anything beyond child support. If she has a drinking problem, your husband owes it to his son to take her to court and either get custody or get her into treatment.
2007-10-02 20:36:24 · answer #10 · answered by nursesr4evr 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋