How should I say "No" nicely to my in-law?

Question

My father-in-law loves shopping at Wal-Mart and Goodwill.
If he buys stuff there all for himself, it's totally OK, but he buys stuff for us too even though we NEVER ask him to.

He once bought used baby toys at Goodwill, which we never knew whose mouth these toys had been in before.
He tried to give those toys to my brother-in-law, but his wife said they did not want them.
My father-in-law was very upset about it and gave them to us instead. How could I say "no" in that situation??
Well, he is a very nice guy, and I like him a lot.
But sometimes I'm tired of him being so pushy.

The other day, he and his wife (my mother-in-law) came over to our house.
They brought a sewing machine which my husband's grandma bought when she was young.
He said "I made it fixed, so it should work all right"
Again, I've never asked for the sewing machine...

Is there any way to say "no" without hurting his feeling?

Answer 1

I am 64 and I would like to have inlaws like yours But they are dead a long time ago Its my turn to be a inlaw When you get older you are lonesome and you feel not needed anywhere Thats why your inlaws are bringing you lots of stuff Here the most polite way to handle this ; Thanks them every time After there gone keep the the stuff for a couple of weeks or months Through all the unwanted stuff in the garbagge they wil never know unless you bragged about it THis way everybody will be happy

Answer 2

Yes, there is a way. Your in-laws act if you reject a "gift" like you are rejecting them which is not what you are doing.

Example:

They bring a used sewing machine. I would say thank you so much for your thought, I am sure that it works great but, I do not sew. It would be a shame to have this stuffed in a corner when you could give this to someone who could make good use out of it.

Then you don't take it. I am sure that your in-laws are not that delicate that setting boundaries is going to break them. It sounds to me as if they only use that excuse to manipulate the situation. I see your brother in law did not get stuck with this junk.

Answer 3

That's a tough one. Sometimes when people get older, they want to give you things and brings things over all the time. That is just their way of wanting to be helpful and showing their love for you. You could tell them that you probably won't use the items and that they are taking up space, but that might hurt their feelings too. Let your husband tell them, it is his parents. (smile)

Answer 4

Have you a garage, put everything that is given
in there, where you can one day find a need for it or for someone else. Maybe your own children will grow up to see these things and knowing there from pop's will find some sentimental attachment to them and want them.
Sounds like he's a very thoughtful man that pop's.....Don't hurt his feelings just appreciate his heartfelt thought, for you and your family

Answer 5

I know it's hard, but if you can muster up the courage, just tell him you appreciate him always thinking of you, but you have so much stuff already as it is that your running out of room. Also tell him that if you need anything in the future you will let him know and if he ever sees anything that he thinks you may need, then just give you a call and see if you need it or not. Good luck!

Answer 6

Just say something like...you know you don't have to do this right? We don't need anymore stuff you know...we'll call you if you need anything...I really do enjoy the stuff that you give us but we really don't need stuff like that in the house right now..I really hope you understand....it's better to do this over the phone...and maybe add a sorrowful tone to it...should work if not then...email me

Answer 7

There is no way. He is trying to be nice. Just accept the gifts, be nice. Later on, you can pass them on to someone else. You could possibly hint that you have more "material possesions" than you could ever use and that you love his time spent with you. maybe he is just bored and so he shops.

Answer 8

probably not. Just accept the stuff with a smile, and put it in the attic, or give it to someone more needy. If he asks about it, tell him you donated it to someone who needed it more and you thought that would be OK with him.

Answer 9

You could try to kindly tell them that you are trying to downsize your belongings and you would appreciate it if they would not bring so much stuff over.

I tried this with my ex mother-in-law with some success.

Answer 10

Maybe not, But it's OK It's better if you just come right out and tell him.