How do you tell someone you want to start an affair with them?

Question

He likes me. I like him. For 3 years now and recently I just can't take it anymore. I'm tired of playing mind games with him, or loving him from "afar." I want to take it to the next level. He is someone I work with. He's 10 yrs older than me, has kids and is at a more senior position than me. Should I just wait until he makes the first move? I'm married w/ no kids. I feel like if I wait for him, then I'll wait forever. I was thinking about sending him a lunch invite over work email. Or should I just confront him in person?

Answer 1

First step would be to separate from your husband first, unless this is something you have both agreed upon, it's cheating, and adultery. It also can be held against you in a divorce proceeding in some states.

However if this is something your husband knows about, as some people do have open relationships, talk to him in person, sending an email that you want to start an affair with someone seems a tad on the tacky side.

Answer 2

Think long and hard about this one.

Is he worth destroying your own marriage over? You may think you could get away with it, but these things do tend to come to light eventually.

If you don't care about your own marriage, then get out first. Show your husband as least that much respect.

Then, you said this man has children. Do you care if you turn their lives upside down and mess up their family lives? Even if they are teenagers, it is very hard on them. Real friends don't lead each other to destruction.

Believe me, I've been through this type of pain. It's horrible.

If it becomes public, and he is your senior, he could be in trouble for his job. Many companies look down on senior staff sleeping with the staff, it puts the company at risk for lawsuits. Oh yeh, don't send personal stuff over the work email. Not a smart move.

Answer 3

Ask yourself one question: would you be comfortable with your husband having an affair, much like you want to? If yes, then ask yourself the second question: supposing this gentleman's marriage broke up because of the affair. Would you be comfortable, knowing his children hate you, and in their eyes, you are the "homewrecker"? When we drift into affairs, that means that something at home is broken; you may want to seriously ask yourself what's wrong at home, and proceed to fix it. Marriage counseling is an option; if the marriage is too far gone to fix, then get a divorce. You have to consider the fact that he has a wife and kids (and she will SERIOUSLY stick him with alimony and child support if she finds out), and most importantly, you are BETTER than a cheap affair. Also, affairs at work are a serious no-no; if things sour (and they often do), you may wind up looking for a new job, or they may fire him for fraternizing. Just think it through. Good luck and God bless.

Answer 4

Why are you even considering having this affair? My first suggestion is to seek some marriage counseling to find out why you aren't happy with your marriage and what you can do to fix it. The affair will not fix whatever is wrong, just mask it temporarily or make it worse.

This man is in a senior position at your company. It's never a good idea to sleep with the boss or a supervisor. You could lose your job as well as your marriage.

The grass is not always greener. Work on controlling this lust and focus on your marriage.

Good luck.

Answer 5

I would stop what you are doing if I were you.

First thing is that you made a commitment to your husband. Something is lacking in your marriage otherwise you would not be seeking to have something with another man outside of your marriage. Go to counseling with or without your husband.

Second, don't get romantically involved with anyone you work with. It's a recipe for disaster!

Third, you're playing with fire in flirting with a married man with children.

These types of fantasies should be left for books and movies, not real life. You will hurt way too many people. Stop while you are ahead of the game!

Answer 6

First off you need to get rid of your husband before you start looking for another one. Do you hate your husband that much that you would not be faithful to him? Why would you hurt him that way? Is the other guy married too and so now you want to ruin his family also? You need to think with your head not your crotch on this. You may think that no one will find out but stay on Yahoo Answers for a while and watch the questions from the spoused that were cheated on to know how you are going to affect your husband and his wife before you go any further. These people go through He** wondering what they did to chase off their spouses to find others for sex. Now you want to be the one doing the chasing and causing his kids, his wife, and your husband all sorts of heart ache. DO NOT DO THIS!!! Please reexamine your marriage and go home to your husband instead.

Answer 7

Whatever you do don't do it. He has kids. Think of them. How would you feel if you found out your father was with a woman other than your mom, and they were together. Did you even consider how your husband would feel. If you want to have an affair so badly with this man then I suggest that you transfet to a different place where you won't be seeing him. A little fling with a man sn't worth youe marriage and huring his wife and kids. Don't be selfish, you have a husband, do what ever you want with him, but don't wreck someone elses marriage.

Answer 8

if u have your mind set to do it. confront him in person. but i would advise u not to do it at all. first u work with him when it falls apart.and it will because your married. u still have to look at each other at the job dont blow this if u want to move up its not worth it,and all the endless gossip that will last for years to come.you should always keep work and pleasure seperate.ive never done this but ive watched people do it time and time again.it's not worth it because u know who will be talked about the most the woman not the man.as little as u can let people u work with find out about u the better off u r.

Answer 9

Get another job and fast. You won't have to love him from 'afar' anymore than. You are setting yourself and your family up for much heartache.

If you care, at all, about anyone but yourself, you will stop this immature, stupid day-dreaming and realize what you have waiting for you at home. Guess you could care less if you hurt his wife and family more than anything else could harm them and you'd get to be the person who did this to them. How does that make you feel? All sexy inside?

Answer 10

Don't put anything in an E mail that you wouldn't want printed on the front page of your local newspaper. Get a divorce first then you can sleep to a higher position. In corporations there are such things as sexual harassment polices. One or both of you could lose your jobs. Very Very risky with little chance of anything good coming of it.