Well, we will see.
Here goes.
As my life draws closer still
To a time of endless rest.
It's time to try a new suit on,
Just to see if it will fit.
The suit I've had for many years,
Was the writing of my rhymes.
This new suit seems to scratch me some.
A problem I wish to solve.
My mind still thinks in rhyming words,
That makes it hard to do.
But if I try this just enough,
It might make Twilight smile.
or maybe grin a little.
(back to the drawing board)
2007-10-02 12:55:03 · 13 answers · asked by Dondi 7 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
Lol, gee, I didn't think I'd get to you like that. (Or at least not so soon...) Lol. You're still in rhymes, as you pointed out. But I suppose everyone has their strengths 'n weaknesses...
It's just a little surprising that someone with your years of experience wouldn't be a little more flexible with their writing. I guess I'm always looking for reasons to respect people, but for my elders I wouldn't think I'd have to.
I'm sorry if I offended you at all before. I'm a very straight-forward person, though... Lol. Luck in life.
2007-10-02 14:21:41 · answer #1 · answered by Twili 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
A Moment Of Silence-Streetlight Manifesto A Moment Of Violence-Streetlight Manifesto I Got You There Mad Hatter. In a Confused State Of Matter. BUt let's Be Serious Now. As you Allow Me To Correct My Wrongs And Rhyme Some Songs Hey She Say-The Gay Blades Pizza Day-The Aquabats
2016-04-07 01:06:27 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think It's fine that some parts don't rhyme. An intriguing thought, eloquently stated, is far more appealing than just catchy ryhme. If I were to revise anything in this poem, however, I would look at "A Problem I wish to solve." this line doesn't seem to adequately express the speaker's feelings about the suit, and this understatement, put so plainly, can make the poem come across a bit more comical than preferred, which often happens when people use understatements or state the opposite: satire.
2007-10-02 13:23:37 · answer #3 · answered by Valerie 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
In my humble opinion it is good, so please don't take this suggestion as any kind of negative criticism: maybe your poem sounds a little too much like prose. If you can break the rhyming rules you can also break the rules of grammar, etc.
and create something unexpected. If not to rhyme is the new rule then make an unexpected rhyme and if unexpected rhyme becomes expected make an expected rhyme maybe. I say this with all due respect because I think it's good.
2007-10-02 15:57:23 · answer #4 · answered by Dom 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Truly, it's not necessary to rhyme.
Most of the poetry that I've had published in journals didn't rhyme at all. Poetry, good poetry, makes you think long after you're finished reading it. If your writing does that, and it doesn't rhyme but it's a poem of some sort, you've done your homework. Now, get that poem a by-line...
2007-10-02 14:31:06 · answer #5 · answered by Crickette 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are many types of poems, poems are just about rhyming, they express the heart and soul and tell of life's experiences good and bad. Most of my poems happen toi rhyme but they just come out that way.
just check out these links to understand. I'm in some poetry groups on msn and elsewhere and have seen various types. ,
you can also check out poetry.com for more ideas and example as well as enter the contests there and copyright it for free.
2007-10-02 13:15:23 · answer #6 · answered by poetbjc64 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Keep on rhyming Dondi but,
no one compares to Suess
best stick to the better things
if rhyming is what you do
P*55 on all the others
that keep tellin' ya "NO!"
To rhyme is fine and keep in mind
it leaves one room to grow...
2007-10-02 14:25:43 · answer #7 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not to worry Dondi it is just one step out of time.
2007-10-02 13:15:37 · answer #8 · answered by loretta 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm pretty sure you're going to explode now. although that was not bad at all, kudos to you....dam I'm still in myspace mode....
2007-10-02 13:36:48 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
it is still nice to read your poem not rhyming as it has interesting contents....
2007-10-02 18:30:17 · answer #10 · answered by ...sick_monkey... 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋